Notes Galore!
by Nosuchthingashappilyeverafter
Summary: What happens when you mix a very hyper Bella, a pad of paper and a pen? THIS! Baisiclly, the Cullen's start passing note instead of talking. Very random, very, very OOC. Very funny. So, please read and reveiw.
1. EddyPoo?

Notes Galore!

**A/N: Hey world of Fan Fiction! So, this is my fan fiction, obviously. This was inspired by kissss-meeee's fiction, Note Passing with the Cullens. The characters, mainly Bella, are very, very OOC. The whole thing's just random fluff. But it's funny. Sooo, I'm gonna shut up now. Have fun!**

The Cullen House!

Bella- Italics Edward-Bold Alice- Regular

_Eddy-poo!_

**Eddy-poo?**

_That be your new name!!_

**Ah...I see.**

_Eddy-poo!!_

**Oh, and Bella?**

_Yus?_

**Why in the world are we passing notes?**

_Cause it be FUN!!_

**Not really.**

_Purple ladybugs!!_

**Excuse me?**

_I wanna pop-tart! I hungry!_

**Then go make one...**

_NO!_

**And why not?**

_I'm not hungry._

**But you just said...**

_NO I DID NOT!! GET OFF MY BACK WOMAN!!_

**Woman?**

_Yup!_

**How much caffeine have you had today?**

_None!_

**That explains the empty coke cans on the table...**

_YOU DRANK MY COKE!!_

**Oh my...**

_Your what?_

H**uh?**

_You said "Oh my". Your what?_

**Never mind!**

_SUBJECT CHANGE!!_

**To what, pray tell?**

_I WANNA GO TO ZEE MARRY-GO-ROUND!!_

**Why?**

_IT GO SPINNY! -Giggle-_

**Wow.**

_LETS GO EDDY-POO!_

**Stop that!**

_Stop what?_

**That!**

_What's that?_

**What's what?**

_THAT!!_

**Enough!**

_Fine._

Hey guys!

_ALLY-POO!!_

**Hello, Alice.**

_Edward makes no sense!_

**I make plenty of sense!!**

No, not really.

**Alice!!**

_Ha ha Eddy-poo..._

Eddy-poo?

**That's what I said.**

Emmett's playing guitar hero. Wanna watch?

_Emmett plays Guitar Hero?_

Yup!

_I wanna see this!_

**A/N: So? Is it okay, or should I shut up? Trust me though, they WILL get better. I've got a few more written on paper, but if they're no good I won't type them up. So, review, pretty please?**


	2. Vampire pyramids

A/N: Oh wow

**A/N: Oh wow! Well, looks like I'm continuing! Thanks for the love, guys!! I've got a few chapters written out already, but if you give me a good idea to build on, it goes straight to top priority! That's why this chapter is for ****twi-infected.dramma queen****, I'm pretty much making this up as I go along, so it may be suckish, but whatever. I'm just rambling now, so on with the show!!**

The Cullen House!

_Ally poo?_

Yes, Bella?

_CRAP AND POO ARE THE SAME THING!!_

I'm aware…

_But… OOOOOOHHHH I GOTS AN IDEA!!_

What is this idea?

_Get Emmett to lie down on the table!!_

Why?

_JUST DO IT!!_

**-Alice proceeds to threaten Emmett's guitar hero guitar until he agrees to lay down-**

Ok, now what?

_Get everyone else!!_

**-As they come, Bella shouts out instructions, and it isn't long before her intentions are apparent.-**

_YAY!!_

**Bella, why is my family stacked up like… a pyramid??**

_NO QUESTIONS! GO UP ON TOP!!_

**-When Edward is in place, Bella clumsily works her way to the top, stepping on many heads and fingers. Thank god they're vampires. Eventually, she gets to the top, and shakily stands on Edward and Alice's backs. Once she's straight, she pumps her fists in the air. –**

_Victory!!_

**-"Uh, Bella?" Emmett calls. "Ya?" Bella is in the middle of a small victory dance.**

"**The table is snapping." "Oh crap…" The table snapped right after her statement, ending the Cullen's flying. They tumbled, and Bella spun off, flying through a window. Eddy-Poo found her laughing her head off in a bush. **

"**That was fun! Lets do it again!!WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" –**

**A/N: Ouch… that was terrible. I'll post a better chapter in a few minutes. Anyway, Review like the wind!! **


	3. Rigatoni

A/N: OK, well, this one has a lil story attached to it, so I'll put it in the bottom A/N. Hope you like it….

The Swan Residance

_What's rigatoni, Eddy-Poo?_

**I have no idea.**

_Huh._

**Is there a reason you asked?**

_Jess had this so called "Rigatoni" in her lunch today… _

**I see…**

_I WANT SOME RIGATONI EDDY WEDDY!!_

**Eddy Weddy??**

_DO NOT QUESTION THE MIGHTY NICKNAMES!! I WANT RIGATONI!_

**Then go make some.**

_But I dunno what it is…._

**Then why in the world would you want to eat it?**

_Dunno... it sounds interesting…. OMG THERES A SPIDER IN YOUR HAIR!! Ha ha, made ya look._

**Is that… Pepsi?**

_Yup. Gotta problem with the big P?_

**The Big P? **

_The big P... TBP!! Awwwwsssssoooommmmmeeee……_

**Go look up rigatoni in the dictionary.**

_What's rigatoni?_

**I don't know…**

_Huh…WOAH!_

**What now?**

_DEJAVOUS! Wow! Spiffy word…. De ja vous…. _

**It's not the best word in the world…**

_De ja vous_

**Why?**

_De ja vous_

**Interesting.**

_De ja vous_

Hi Bella! Hi Eddy Poo!

_De ja vous_

Huh?

**She's become obsessed with that word.**

You mean de-

**Don't say it!**

_De ja vous! Stop stealing the paper with supa speed!!_

By the way, I had a vision.

_De ja vous. What was it?_

You wanted rigatoni.

**-Alice hands her a plate of rigatoni, and Bella glares at it.-**

_De ja vous. Rigatoni is stupid. I don't want it_.

**-As Bella tries to hand Alice back the pasta, she falls, her face landing straight in the dish.-**

_IT'S HOT!!IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!_

Oh my god, Bella, are you okay? Edward, don't growl at me! It's not my fault!

_Edward?_

**Yes, love?**

_De ja vous._

A/N: Ok. Well, last night I had rigatoni for supper. We were eating, and I reached across the table to grab something, I forget what right now. Anyway, my brother whacks my back, and my shirt gets covered in tomato sauce, cause I bumped into the plate. Then he says, de ja vous. Cause it happened before. Anyway, that's the story. This chapter didn't turn out how I thought it would… Well, review!


	4. FACE BANDIT!

A/N: Don't ya feel special

**A/N: Don't ya feel special? Four chapters in one day. So, ya. I was reeeeaaallly hyper when I wrote this, and it's my favorite by far. Oh, and by the way, Alice, Edward and Bella's fonts are always the same. Anyone else's I'll put at the top, along with the location of the chat.**

The Cullen Residance

Carlisle- Bold, Underline, Italics.

_They should have a national De ja vous day._

**Who is "They", anyway?**

_Bwahahahahahahahaha, a new topic to contemplate!!_

**Lovely.**

_You is they! _

**Huh?**

_THEY IS EDDY! YAY THEY!_

**Great**.

_I IS A KUMQUAT!_

**A what?**

_I's a kit kat kumquat!_

**Put. The. Coke. Down.**

_Oooooooooooooooooooo_

**Now the chocolate…**.

_EDDY-POO! NAUGHTY NAUGHTY BOY!_

**What?**

_You stole my eyes._

**I did WHAT?**

_Stole my eyes. I BLIND! I BLIND!_

**I didn't steal your eyes.**

_Then how come I can't see?_

**You closed your eyes.**

_No I didn't._

**Yes, you did.**

_No, I didn't. I couldn't have, CAUSE I GOT NO EYES TO CLOSE!!_

**I didn't take your eyes, Bella.**

_I know. THE BUMBLE BRE TOOK THEM!!_

**You mean bumble bee?**

_NO! BUMBLE BRE_!

**I'm not even gonna ask…**

_MY NOSE!!_

**Huh?**

_CHARLIE STOLE MY NOSE!_

**?**

_When I was a kid, he said "Got your nose!" BUT HE NEVER GAVE IT BACK!_

**Would you like me to find you a new nose, Bella?**

_MY EAR!!_

…

_FACE BANDIT!_

**??**

_THE BUMBLE BRE STOLE MY FACE!!_

Bumble bre?

**I think she's broken.**

_I GOT NO EYES!_

_I GOT NO NOSE!_

_I GOT NO EARS!_

_IT'S A FACE BANDIT! _

_FACE ASSAULT! _

_RAPE!_

_RAPE!!_

I think you're right…

_HELP ME KEEP MY MOUTH!!_

No one is going to take your mouth, Bella.

_CAUSE THE BUMBLE BRE'S NOT A ONE, IT'S A FACE BANDIT!!_

**I'm getting Carlisle to sedate her.**

_Is Carlisle the face bandit in disguise??_

No.

_I GOT NO MOUTH!_

Yes, you do.

**I got him**.

_**Bella?**_

_CARLISLE? IT'S FACE BANDIT! FACE ATTACK! RAPE! RAPE! _

_**Look at Alice, dear.**_

_WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY?_

_**She's the face bandit.**_

_OHMIGEE!_

-As Bella looks at Alice in shock, Carlisle puts a needle in her arm.-

_AHHHH!! THE FACE….bandit…made me… tired…ish…. –SNORE- _

**Finally!**

**A/N: That's all for today, folks. Maybe. Unless I hit… maybe 15 reviews? I'll check in a while. Anyway, there is a story behind this one, incase you're wondering. One day I asked my BFF Breanna what a kumquat was, and she said "YOU!" So that became my nickname. Then I was eating a Kit Kat, and she declares randomly "You're a Kit Kat kumquat!" (Pronounced KUMCWAT) So, ya. Then another day, we were on a trampoline, and a lady bug flew on. I was the only one (Outta 3) who wasn't scared of it. So I was lady bug for the day. Then Breanna's all like, OMG, I'm a bumble BRE! (Cause her nickname is bre) So, that's it. The face bandit thing was really random. Well, like I said, 15 reviews if you want me to add more today, I'll add tomorrow no matter what. I'm not the kind who says "I refuse to update till you review!!" My finger is just killing me. So, ya. Bye, I guess…**


	5. Bagels and Fonts

READ THIS

**READ THIS! THERE'S A CHAPTER IN IT FOR YA!**** I just thought I should clear up ALL confusion over fonts. So, here ya go. Refer back to this if you're confuzzled.**

_Bella- Italics_

**Edward- Bold**

Alice- Regular

_**Jasper-Bold italics**_

Emmett- Underlined

_Rosalie-Underline, italics_

_**Any minor character (Carlisle, Esme, Mike, etc. I'll tell you who specifically at the top of the chapter)- Bold, Italics, Underlined**_

**Well, ya. I'm an idiot. I'm writing more chapters on paper. Well, ya.. I don't wanna post an A/N without a chapter…so, ya. Here you go.**

English Class

_BAGEL!_

**Huh?**

_BAGEL BONES!_

**What?**

_Bagel army, ATTACK!_

**Bagels are disgusting.**

_Phooey! YOU JUST DON'T LIKE THEM CAUSE THEY GOT NO BLOOD!_

**Interesting assumption.**

_What are we doing after school?_

**I'm not at liberty to say.**

_EDDY-POO!_

**Let's just say it involves a lot of Alice and Rosalie, if you catch my drift.**

_OH NOES! MAKEOVER!_

**Yup.**

_Eddy- Freddy?_

**Eddy-Freddy??**

_Yus._

**Wow.**

_Guess what?_

**What?**

_IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE! IT'S A BAGEL!_

**A/N I'm a pushover. That chapter sucked big time. Another story! YAY! Well, there's this kid in my class who shouts random things about bagels during class. The things Bella says have all come from his mouth. Well, ya. This time for real. I'm done for the day… meh bee… We'll see. 15 reviews. K, bye!**


	6. PEI

A/N: Thanks, everyone

**A/N: Thanks, everyone. I love the love. I did this in geography, and I was looking at a map, and then this suddenly hit me. I have no idea why I didn't notice this before. Any way, TA DA!**

Geography

_OMG! OMG!_

**What?**

_PEI!_

**English?**

_Prince Edward Island!_

**Go do your work**

_But seriously! You own an island!!_

**If I owned an island, wouldn't I know?**

_Ya, unless…. YOU KEPT IT A SECRET SO YOU COULD GIVE IT TO ME! Aww, Eddy-poo, I love it!_

**What??**

_No one's ever given me an island before!_

**But…you…I….huh?**

_I should rename it…_

**I don't own PEI, Bella.**

_That's right. Cause you gave it to me. _

**Bella, I'm not giving you PEI.**

_Why? Don't you luff me enough??_

**I didn't own it in the first place.**

_THEN WHY IS IT PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND??_

**I dunno, cause PRINCE EDWARD owns it!**

_But…._

**You look heartbroken… **

_Well, it was an island!!_

**You won't let me get you a car, or a cell phone for that matter, but you want me to give you an island?**

_Yup._

**Ugg. Conversation over. The teacher's suspicious. **

_But…_

**No.**

**A/N: Yup…I seriously noticed that, like, a week ago. My friend has this shirt that says "Nacho Girlfriend", insinuating "Not ch'yo girlfriend" And she's had it for a few years, and I just understood it today. Ya, I'm slow like that.**


	7. Violent Chipmunk

A/N: Ya…

**A/N: Ya… **

**Disclaimer: I OWN NO CHARACTERS!! I'm gonna go cry now….**

**That was…amusing.**

_NO IT WASN'T_

It wasn't funny. IT WAS HILARIOUS!

_**You have to admit it Bella.**_

_I happen to be afraid of chipmunks!!_

**That's what made it funny…**

_I've eaten chipmunk before. Waaay to many nuts in the diet. _

**Rosalie!**

Rose!

_EEEEEWWWW. But… IT HAD SHARP DAGGER TEETH!_

**It was eating a peanut**.

_WITH IT'S DAGGER TEETH!!_

_**She's genuinely terrified.**_

Am I the only one who missed this happening?

_Apparently…_

**Well, we were outside, and Bella had a bag of peanuts. She couldn't get them open, so she gave them to me. I did that popping thing, where you push all the air to one side to open it, and it opened, sending peanuts flying. Eventually, a chipmunk comes out, and Bella, who was on the ground scooping the nuts up-**

_They was dying! I had to save them! RESCUE HEROS GO!!_

**Let me finish! So she starts rolling around and screaming "Mutant gonna eat me!!" That's it.**

Wow.

_It coulda eaten me…_

You're ten times it's size….

_Still. It's got little claws, and teeth, and… ugg… _

_Well, there's the bell. _

_BAGELS!!_

**A/N: Well… ya. Not much to say. My friend is afraid of chipmunks. Nuff said.**


	8. Fred?

A/N: Hello

**A/N: Hello. Nothing to say right now… huh. **

**Disclaimer: You all know what I'm gonna say… I don't own twilight….**

Trig.

_Eddy-Poo…_

**Mmhmm?**

_I'm scared…_

**Of what? **

_My wallet…_

…

_It's scary!!_

**Ok, I'll bite. Why?**

_You'll BITE?_

**You know what I mean. Why are you afraid of your wallet?**

_THE MONEY IS GUNNA EAT MEH!!_

**Oh really?**

_Ya_

**You think your money is going to "eat" you, so you complain to a vampire.**

_Pretty much…_

**Your money is not going to eat you.**

_Prove it!_

**Has it eaten you before?**

_Yus!_

**-She holds up a cut on her finger that looks strangely like a paper cut…-**

**That's a paper cut, love.**

_NOOOOO! ITSA MONEY BITE!! SAVE MEH EDDY-POO!!_

**I've got a brilliant way to "save" you.**

_REALLY??_

**Let me buy everything!**

_NEVA!_

**Why not?**

_Cause._

**How do you suggest we save you then?**

Save her from what?

_The money eating me!_

**-She shoves the still bleeding paper cut in Alice's face, not realizing her eyes were black.-**

Didn't need the proximity, Bella.

**You stop thinking about that RIGHT NOW!**

Sheesh, ya don't have to growl.

_SSSHHH EDDY POO!_

Bella?

_Ya?_

WE'RE BFFECWAASSH's!

_Bffecwaassh?_

Best Friends For Eternity Cause We're Awesome And Stuff So Ha!

_NOW, WE MUST BECOME NINJA'S AND HUNT IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!_

Why?

_To save me from Fred!_

**Who is Fred? **

_MY MONEY DUH!!_

**You named your money?**

_Only the evil ones…_

**Wow.**

He's just jealous cause he doesn't have a Bffecwaassh!

_HO HO HO! NINJAS AHOY!!_

**What the heck is that? A pirate ninja Santa??**

Awsome idea Eddy-Poo! Now, TO ZEE MALL!!

_Alice?_

Bella?

_You said that out loud._

Your point being?

**We're in the middle of class, and now everyone is staring at us…**

Woops…

**A/N: 10 points to anyone who noticed I got inspiration from Naturally Sadie. The one where she inherits money, and it's "cursed". She said "This is silly! Who's afraid of their wallet??" And I was like, what if Bella was?? So, this popped out. Ya… **


	9. Glitter

A/N: Wow

**A/N: Wow. You know what? I'm putting down everyone who's reviewed. If you wanna get mentioned, review! Pleeeeaase??**

**More than once (awesome pounds of thankies):**

**iheartjasper**

**snow-leopard-demon24**

**Once(Lots of thankies!!):**

**angelacullen13**

**Jasper is my Edward**

**vampiresrok**

**Crazily Sane Pancake**

**pixie freak**

**twilight is my heroine**

**twi-infected.dramma queen**

**Thank you bunches to these wonderful people!! I don't care if you review to say "This sucks. Shut up" etc. Just review! And I need ideas for more chapters… I'm running out. Well, ya, time to visit Bella!**

_Blah blah blah. No one cares!!_

**Huh?**

_Mr. Banner. I don't care! PFFT!!_

**Oh my…**

_What?_

**Are you listening? He just gave us a first grade type assignment. We have to make a model… with popsicle sticks! And paint, and glitter! He just wants us busy so he can collect his pay without working… **

_Wow…_

OMG! EDWARD! LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!

**What the… ALICE! **

I'M SOOOOO SORRY!! I WASN'T WATCHING!

**WHAT DO WE DO NOW?**

EDWARD!!I DUNNO!!

**ALICE!! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS!**

_BELLA! What are you two freaking out about? _

What are we wearing, Bella?

_T-shirts and shorts…_

**And what's the sky like outside?**

_Clear and sunny…_

And what do vampires do in the sun?

_Sparkle_

**And what are we?**

_Vampires._

So, you see our problem.

_OH….. Weeelll….there is always…._

**Why are you looking.. oh no! nonononononono!! No way!**

It would work….

**Crap. Fine, go get the glitter.**

**-Later that day, after the Cullens were safely home-**

Why the hell are you three covered in glitter??

**The sun is out, we're in shorts and T-shirts. Do the math.**

_I can't believe you had to do that…_

_I DID TOO! RAWR! I'M A VAMPIRE!_

**It was thoroughly embarrassing. Bella "fell" onto the table, waving her arms around, sending glitter flying. And we had to purposely sit within range… ugg.**

_RAWR! I WANNA GO EAT AN IRRITATED GRIZZLY!!_

**No. **

That's my thing!!

_**Well, looks like Alice needs to keep a better eye out.**_

_WHAT BOUT ME? I WANNA EAT BLOOD!_

**NO. That's final.**

_Fine. Pfft, overprotective vampire._

…

_You are!!_

**Whatever.**

_OH! And Eddy-Poo?_

**Yes?**

_I'M A VAMPIRE BAGEL!!_

**A/N: No story this time. Well ya. REVIEW! **


	10. Sporks

A/N: Thank you, snow-leopard-demon24, for review #3

**A/N: Thank you,****snow-leopard-demon24****, for review #3!! Anywho, on with the show!!**

_Do you know what the most awesome invention, like, EVER is?_

**What?**

_SPORKS!_

**Uh…**

_They're like, cool, and… stuff._

**Why?**

_They're spoons and forks mixed together!!_

**Oh.**

_OMG! I JUST GOT IT! FORKS! A EATING UTENSIL, AND A TOWN!!_

**You just realized that now?**

_Meh-be…_

**Right. Is there a reason you're obsessed with sporks today?**

_Do you pay attention during lunch?_

**No.**

_Well, Jessica was using one today._

**Huh.**

_Do ya know what's even better than sporks??_

**Do I want to know?**

_THAT AIR FRESHINER THAT SQUIRTS AUTOMATICLLY! I MEAN, IT'S LIKE IT HAS A BRAIN!!_

**Hmm.**

_BUY ME ONE EDDY-POO!_

**Ok then…**

_ONE THAT'S VAMPIRE SCENTED!_

**I don't think those are on the market just yet…**

_Aww…._

**Ok. Wanna go buy a normal one?**

_OK!!_

**A/N: Ya.. Random. Soooo….ya…. I'm gonna get off now cause there's a tornado warning for my area. See ya!**


	11. Ketchup!

A/N: Thanks for the lovely reviews… all 2 of them

**A/N: Thanks for the lovely reviews… all 2 of them!! Gawd. Please review? OK, here's my spiffy new chapter.**

**Important font notice**: **Once, just this once, the fonts juggle. Emmett, Bella, and Edward all stay the same. But, here are the changes.** _**Jacob- Underline, Bold, Italics**_ _Charlie- Underline, italics._ **After this chapter, Rosalie gets her font back. Hope I didn't confuzzle you.**

Swan residence

_I WANNA HOT DOG EDDY-POO!_

**I'll give you a hot dog… throw the mutt in the oven….**

_BEHAVE!!_

**Pfft.**

_GO MAKE ME A HOT DOG! ONE I CAN EAT!!_

**Fine.**

**-He makes her a hot dog. Once it's done, she stares blankly at the hot dog.-**

**What?**

_IT GOT NO KETCHUP!!_

**Sooooo?**

_GET ME KETCHUP!!_

**Get up and get it for yourself… why do you want ketchup anyway?**

_It looks like bloooooooddddd….._

…

**-He rolls his eyes and gets the ketchup.-**

**Here.**

_WEEEE!!_

**Huh.**

_BEWARRRREEEE!!_

**-She opens the ketchup, and points it threateningly at Eddy-poo.-**

**You wouldn't dare…**

_Try me!!_

Hey guys!

**EMMETT! LOOK OUT!**

**-Bella squirts him with ketchup.-**

BELLA!

**-Charlie walks in-**

_What's going on here? Wait, why am I writing notes?_

_BWAHAHAHAHA!_

**-Bella squirts Charlie with ketchup-**

**Wow.**

**-By this time, everyone expect Bella and Edward are covered in ketchup. Bella is smiling wickedly.-**

_**Yo yo yo!**_

_Jacob??_

**Mutt??**

_HOT DOG!!_

_**Was up dudes??**_

_KETCHUP!!_

**-Bella squirts him-**

_**AAAAAA!!  
**_

**Phew. I'm clean.**

**-Bella turns, and squeezes the bottle, but all that comes out is a large farting noise.-**

_OUTTA AMO!! RETREAT!! RETREAT!!_

**-Bella run out of the room screaming, leaving two vampires, a werewolf and a human soaked in ketchup-**

**This is what I get for making her a hot dog.**

**A/N: Ya…Random….Remember the bumble bre, AKA Face Bandit? Ya. She's here, helping me. Anyway, REVIEW!!**


	12. Diapers?

A/N: Thanks snow-leopard-demon24 for our next idea

**A/N: Thanks ****snow-leopard-demon24**** for our next idea. This'll be funny…**

**And also, review thankies!!**

**Iheartjasper**

**Snow-leopard demon**

**Twilightistotallyawesome**

**Muse-of-the-Night**

**Akio Fukurou**

**CourtneyFirehand**

The Volvo. (Bella is driving, don't ask me why) _**Jacob-Bold, Italics, underline**_

_GOIN ON A ROOOOOAAAAADDDD TTTRRRIIIPPP!!_

**Do you HAVE to sing?**

_YUS!_

…

Ohmigee…look. The mutt…he's….

_IN A DIAPER!?_

**On top of his pants…..**

WOW.

_GET A PICTURE OF THIS!!_

**Where do you suppose we get a camera?**

_HERE!!_

**-Bella holds up a pink disposable Dora camera.-**

**Alice, you take the picture.**

Ok.

_HERE YA GO!!_

**-Jacob looks over, and spotting the Volvo, blushes a thousand shades of red-**

_**IT WAS A BET, OK?**_

**How'd you get the paper??**

_**I have my connections**_

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

_What??_

How would you feel if, the paper got a hold of this?

_**!!**_

**How would you feel if he wore the diaper of his own accord?**

_**STAY OUTTA MY HEAD!!**_

_WHAT?? My best friend wears diapers??_

I thought I was your BFFECWAASSH!!

_No, he's my UWBFCY!_

Ohh….

_**Uwbfcy?**_

_Ugly werewolf best friend cause ya._

_**!!**_

**Ha, you're ugly mutt!!**

_**LEECH!**_

**DOG!!**

_**PARASITE!!**_

**CANINE!**

_**VAMPIRE!  
**_

**WEREWOLF!**

_CHARILE!!_

**Huh?**

_**Wha??**_

_You guys were shouting the names out loud, and Charlie's over there gaping._

**Oh crap….**

_**HE STARTED IT!!**_

**Charlie pulls out a camera. "Say cheese!"-**

**A/N: Ya. Soooo….that's it. REVIEW!**


	13. Mike and the mohawk

A/N Wow…

**A/N Wow…. You guys are the best!! I owe you, like, a million chapters. Wow. Plus, thanks for the wicked ideas. **

**Review thankies:**

**CourtneyFirehand**

**dililahduo**

**Mew Neko-chan**

**Mrs.Cullen0001**

**twilightaddict13**

**Miss Melbourne**

**So, ya. I've got lotsa ideas now, this is just a random one. So, ya. My idea, not my characters…. :( Oh, and **_**Mike: You know….**_

_What the….??_

**Wow…**

Huh?

_What does he think he's doing??_

_**Hey, yo!**_

**Aren't you a little old to be playing dress up, Newton?**

_**Oh ha ha! So, Bella. Like the hair? Very…y'know, rebel like?**_

_IT'S GREEN! AND POINTY!!_

_**Duh. It's a Mohawk.**_

**HA! Nice one, Emm.**

_What? Emmett, what did you do??_

NOTHING, I SWEAR!

**He told Newton you liked "rebels"**

_!!_

_**You… you don't?**_

_NO!_

_**But…my hair…**_

_Emmett! _

I see a very painful future for Emmett.

_Ha! He's got that right! Edddyyyyy-Ppppoooo!!_

**Yes?**

_Beat Emmett up for me?_

**Gladly.**

_**Well, what the heck do I do now? I HAVE GREEN HAIR!**_

**That's your problem, Newton.**

**A/N That sucked big time… oh well. Sorta a bit of a story. Well, our school has wacky hair day, and one teacher did this huge strip thingamajig all along his head. Like a backwards Mohawk, cause the sides had hair but the middle didn't. So, afterwards, he had to shave it bald. So, ya. Review, pretty please?**


	14. Chicken in the hole

A/N: Ya, so this idea was from Mew Neko-chan

**A/N: Ya, so this idea was from ****Mew Neko-chan****. Ya…**

_Can I eat it?_

**No.**

_But…_

**Why would you want to eat it?**

_It smells good…_

**So do you.**

_!!_

**Kidding, love.**

_I'm eating it. _

**More like drinking. **

_EWWW!! IT TASTES LIKE…GROSSNESS!_

…

_Why did you let me eat lotion??_

"**It smells good"**

_NOW I'M GUNNA GET SICK AND PUKE AND GO DIE IN A HOLE!!_

**Why in a hole?**

_CHICKEN!!_

**How does that explain anything whatsoever?**

_Because, the chicken will find the bagel, forcing the kumquat to hide under the sofa, at which point the hats will do an Irish step dance, which will frighten the ice cream enough to propel the cheese from the fridge, making the chicken run away, dragging me with it, into the hole. Got it?_

**No. How do the hats do an Irish step dance without legs?**

_The hats will grow legs after the t-rex finishes climbing the tree, which will scare the cantaloupe, causing it to-_

**Ok, I get it.**

_Fine. But, in the end, always remember that lemons can beat fire extinguishers anytime, anywhere._

**Sleep. Now.**

**A/N: I have no idea. How it gets from "Lotion" to this, we'll never know…. Review! **


	15. A boomerang?

A/N: Sorry guys

**A/N: Sorry guys! I had a birthday party to go to, and then the stinking computer breaks down. So, I owe you guys a million.**

**Cullen house**

_Eddy poo?_

**Yes?**

_I hate Alice._

**What happened?**

_She bought me a boomerang._

**Oh lord.**

_So me and Emmett were playing with it, trying to get it to each other before it came back for us-_

**You played catch with Emmett??**

_Yes, but that's not the point._

**Then what is?**

_PINK WATERMELON!_

**Huh?**

_We went into a watermelon field. I threw the boomerang, and then it tried to eat me-_

**You mean it came back?**

_Yes. So I ran away, tripping over the watermelon-_

**Of course.**

_LET ME FINISH! So I trip and my head crashes through a watermelon. So, in the end, we have learned thing are never like they are on the outside._

**You mean, "Appearances can be deceiving"? **

_That too._

**Wait, how did you get that from falling into a watermelon?**

_It's green inside, pink outside!_

**You mean pink inside, and green outside?**

_Meh-be…._

**The moral of the story is don't play catch with Emmett, using a boomerang, in a watermelon field, especially if you're a danger magnet.**

_You are like so… wrong and stuff. _

**A/N: Me and my friends were playing with a boomerang, and we're like, what if Bella got hold of a boomerang? So, ya. Dumb chappie.**


	16. Helium

A/N Hey ya'll

**A/N Hey ya'll. So, lots of thankies today.**

**dililahduo**

**Mew Neko-chan**

**Mrs.Cullen0001**

**Twilightaddict13**

**Miss Melborne**

**Twilightistotallyawesome**

**beuatifulbearlib**

**CourtneyFirehand**

**cherrycoloredlilies**

**EdwardLover44**

**Crazily Sane Pancake**

**sweetems45**

**Twi-infected.dramma queen**

**VioletWilson**

**freak0star**

**iheartjasper**

**You guys are awesome!!**

**Cullen House**

**I WILL kill her for this.**

_For what?_

**Giving you that.**

_Oh, but I a mousey now!!_

**No, you are a helium filled human now.**

_BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!_

**Mice squeak, they don't buzz.**

_YA THEY DO! THEY BUZZ LIKE A BEE! OMG! THE BUMBLE BRE IS BACK!_

**Oh no. Alice is dead. **

_She's gunna steal ma voice!!_

**-Bella shrieks, and since she's full of helium, she hears her "chipmunk" voice.-**

_TOO LATE! SHE STEALED MY VOICE!_

Who stole what now?

**Emmett, do me a favor and go get Alice.**

I'm here. What's the problem?

_MIKE NEWTON AND THE BUMBLE BRE ARE GUNNA STEAL MY TOENAILS!_

What happened?

**You gave her that balloon, and now… look at her. You broke her. I swear, when she goes home-**

Ok, enough threats.

Bella's fun this way!

_FUN IN THE SUN! OH NO! THE SUN'S HELPING MIKE NEWTON STEAL MY BABY!_

What baby?

_YOUR BABY!_

I have a baby?

_NO! It's the Mohawks baby!_

Right.

_Eddie, if you're a vampire, why don't chya have a cape?_

**Because, that's not what real vampires look like.**

_Deviled eggs! ZEE SWAN OF SAITEN!_

**You mean the spawn of Saiten?**

_Rubber cats!_

**That's it. I'm finding Carlisle. **

_Oh, boogers_

.** -Edward pulls Carlisle into the room, where Emmett holds Bella down so Carlisle can sedate her. Once Bella is asleep, Edward turns to Alice with a wicked glint in his eye.**

"**I'll give you a ten second head start."-**

**A/N: We went to this thing called Entrepreneurial adventure, if I explained it you'd shoot me outta boredom, so anyway, we were on the bus on the way back. They gave us 20 something helium balloons. They were gone by the time we got back. It was soooo weird. This one kid had like ten. Sooooo, ya.**


	17. Grizz!

A/N: Ok, I just wanna say two things

**A/N: Ok, I just wanna say two things. One, "This is retarded so leave fan fiction" Isn't a reason, two, if your going to say that, don't write anonymously. K, on with the chappie!**

**Swan Residence**

_Three words._

**I love you?**

_Try again._

**Thank you Edward?**

_Nope. WHAT THE HELL!_

**It's valantines day.**

_I'M AWARE!_

**I had to get you something!**

_THEN BE NORMAL AND GET ME FLOWERS OR CHOCOLATE!_

**I wanted to surprise you!**

_Mission accomplished! What happens if Jasper gets hungry, huh?_

**It's way to small, Bella.**

_UGG!_

**Oh well. It was easier than I thought would be.**

_Well, my kitten now requires a name._

**I don't know!**

_Grizz!_

**Grizz? What kind of name is Grizz?**

_Like a grizzly. Look, if I push him on his hind legs, he looks like a grizzly._

**Wow. He does.**

_EDDY'S A POTATO CHIP!  
_

**Huh?**

_SPOOF!_

**Let's go show Charlie your new cat.**

_FIZZ! GRIZZ! LIZZ! MIZZ!_

**Mizz?**

_GIZZY GRIZZY!_

**Let's go. **

**A/N: Ya, pathetic. She's not too hyper… Sorry about the top rant, I just hate it when people are to chicken to say stuff to my face, or in this case, in something I can reply to. Review please!**


	18. COURTNEY STOLE IT!

A/N: Hey

**A/N: Hey. I owe you guys lots. I went to the Bumble Bre's cottage, so ya. No computers. Story about Courtney is in the bottem authors note.**

**Cullen house.**

_Courtney stole it!!_

**Who is Courtney and what did she steal?**

_COURTNEY STOLE MY DIGNATY!_

I don't think you had any dignity left for her to steal.

**Emmett…**

Ya ya… I'm quiet now.

**How did Courtney steal your dignity?**

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

_Alice! NO LAFFY!YOU PROMISED!!_

It was funny!

_NO IT WASN'T_

**What was or wasn't funny? **

_I was trying to call Charlie from a payphone, one of the ones in a booth. Alice closed the door, and it locked. I tried to get out, by tipping around-_

A hill isn't the best place for a telephone booth…

**A HILL! WHAT HILL??**

_LET ME FINISH! I tipped over-_

Rectangles roll!

_POOF! I tipped and it rolled down the hill into a lake._

I had to bail her out.

_COURTNEY PUSHED ME!!_

**You are NEVER going with Alice anywhere again…**

_YAY! NO MO SHOPPING!_

HEY!

**You can take her shopping if I come.**

_HEY! Oh wow… DE JA VOUS!!_

**Not again!!**

**A/N: Courtney is my friend who sits right by me and Bumble Bre. I took Bre's water bottle and put it on Courtney's desk. I shouted**

**"Courtney stole your water bottle!!" And so for the rest of the weekend at the cottage, anytime anything happened, ranging from falling into a lake to farting, we shouted "COURTNEY DID IT!" At the end of the weekend, Bre's parents decided Courtney was never invited again. Even though she wasn't there. **


	19. Scary Eddy!

A/N: NO A/N FOR YOU

**A/N: NO A/N FOR YOU! **

_IMMA EAT YOU EDWARD!_

**Huh. Really.**

_Yup. RAWR! I STONGER THAN YOU!_

**Uh huh. You believe that. I'll sit over here with sanity.**

**-He pokes her gently-**

_OWEE! SCARY EDDY!!_

**Right….**

**-She leans back a little too far and topples backward off the bench-**

_Scary Eddy help me up?_

**A/N Another episode of Me and the Bumble Bre. Imagine her as Bella, me as Edward. And switch the names. Then you get what happened. About the top? I'm hyper.**


	20. Is a mushroom!

**Disclaimer: This is the last disclaimer… I OWN NOTHING FOR THE WHOLE STORY!!**

**Woods**

_I HATE MIKE!_

**So do I.**

_HE POKED ME WITH A PENCIL!_

**Why?**

_I have no… -le gasp-!_

**What?**

**-Bella stops in the middle of the path and gapes at the ground-**

_IS A MUSHROOM!!_

**I see.**

**-They keep walking until she does it again, maybe five steps forward.-**

_IS A MUSHROOM!_

**-Later that day-**

_IS A MUSHROOM!_

**I get it!!**

What do ya get?

_MUSHROOMS!_

**Every ten seconds she stops and shouts-**

_IS A MUHROOM!!_

**Yes. We went on an hour long walk…**

HAHAHAHAHA! I SAW THAT COMING!!

_OMG!!_

Yes?

**Bella?**

_KAPLOOEY! IS A SQUISHED MUSHROOM!!_

**A/N: I did that exact thing at the cottage… it was funny.**


	21. Bella Bait

A/N LA DOO DEE DA DA

**A/N LA DOO DEE DA DA!**

_EDDY!_

**Yes?**

_ALICE TOOK ME AND EMMETT FISHING!_

**They took you WHERE!?**

_Fishing. Emmett tried to cast the line, but it hit me, and snagged me, and I went flying into the water._

**I WILL KILL THEM!**

_It gets worse! They tried to reel me in, but my pants came off._

**DEAD TWICE…**

_How do they die twice??_

**I'll find a way….**

_ANYWAY, WHAT HAVE WE LEARNEDIFIED, CHILDREN?_

**We have LEARNED that you NEVER go fishing with a vampire.**

_NOPE! We learnedified that toes are like worms._

**How?**

_FISHYS LIKE TO EAT THEM!!_

**Right.**

_**A/N : We went fishing at the cottage. I got wacked by a hook. I didn't go in though… **_


	22. I believe I can fly!

A/N: Hey…Explanation in bottom…

**A/N: Hey…Explanation in bottom…**

Park

_Ow!_

That was not my fault in ANY way.

**Uh, yes, it was.**

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HUMANS CAN'T FLY??

**I'm not dignifying that with a response.**

_I went weeeeeeeee weeeeeee weeeeeee, all the way home!_

Yes. Yes you did.

**Emmett. Why in the world did you toss Bella across the park?**

She said she could fly…

_IT'S A SONG MR. MONKEY!!_

**Huh?**

Mr. Monkey?

_Yes. I believe I can fly! I got shot by the fbi! All I wanted was- _

**We'll just leave it at that.**

So I'm not in trouble?

**Bella? What do you think?**

_TURKEY!!_

**Ok. I'll stuff him into a turkey.**

What??

_HA!_

Hey guys!

_Hi Ally poo!_

Hi Bella! Guess what?

_WHAT?_

Wanna go to the…. Drum roll please!

Duh dun dun dun duuuuuun

THE ZOO!

_Oh ya! Cool!_

**Oh brother…**

_You coming Eddy??_

**No.**

_Why??_

**I will not pay to watch dinner wander around.**

_HEY!_

**What?**

_Uh…I ferget._

Okletsgo!!

_Ok…_

**A/N: Bwa ha ha, setting up for the next chapter. And I've got a question. Would you guys rather have a serious Alice, or an Alice that is just as goofy as Bella? I'll go with majority. Ok. Story time! My friend made a new version of I believe I can fly. Here's the lyrics, if you care….**

**I believe I can fly! I got shot by the FBI! All I wanted was a chicken wing, but they shot me in the dingaling! Now I'm sitting in a jail cell! All worn out and bored as hell! All I wanted was an autograph, but they shot me in the leg calf! I believe I can fly! I got shot by the FBI! All I wanted was a chicken wing! From McDonalds or a Burger king! I believe I can fly! I got shot by the FBI! All I wanted was a chicken wing! But they shot me in the Dingalingaling! CHICKEN WING!**

**Ya…We're weird. Bye!**


	23. At the Zoo!

A/N: I'm impatient

**A/N: I'm impatient. So, since 1 outta 1 person said hyper, Alice is now goofyafied! Me and my friends love putting "afied" on the end of words. So lets startifiy the chappie! Oh, I give up with review thankies…. But thank you to those wonderful people who review, you know who you are!**

**Zoo**

_Emmett?_

Ya?

_Will you give my purple rhino a home?_

You have a purple rhino?

She sure does! And I have a turquoise monkey!

Since when?

SINCE I SAID SO! Hey, Bella!

_What Alice?_

WE NEED NICKNAMES!

_That would be so wicked awesome!_

You are…. Jingle!

_Why am I Jingle?_

Jingle Bells!

_OH I GET IT! AND YOUR WONDER! LIKE ALICE IN WONDERLAND!_

Ok J!

_Sounds great W!_

What about me?

_Uh…_

That's a toughie!

_LEMON!_

Why lemon??

Cause we said so!

_OMG WE NEED TO MAKE A CLUB!_

Oh ya! The Bffecwaassh Club!

_Ugg. To long a name…_

Then the Balice Club!

_Balice?_

Bella and Alice combined!

_SWEET!_

So, lemme get this straight. Bella is Jingle, or J. Alice is Wonder, or W. And I am Lemon, or L.

_Yup!_

And we're all members of Balice Club, cause it rox. And one day we'll take over Saturn.

_Why Saturn Wonder?_

Cause it's the shiz!

_Can't disagree with that logic!_

Let's go, Edward will kill us if we don't get Be… I mean Jingle home soon.

_An excellent point Lemon! TO THE SLEIGH!_

Sleigh? 

_Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride a one horse open sleigh! SO MY TRUCK IS OFFICIALLY MY ONE HORSE OPEN SLEIGH!_

Oh awesome! And my porche is now my Looker! Like looking glass, 'cept not as long a name!

And my Jeep s'now my Lemonade!

_Ok lets go tell Eddy of the magical adventures of balice!_

**A/N: I honestly have no idea where that came from… So tell me if it sucked, and the nicknames shall go poof! Why? CAUSE I CAN! And I will most defiantly give eddy a nickname. So keep your socks on!**


	24. Too the zoo!

Hi Eddy

_Hi Eddy!_

**Hello. Have a nice time at the zoo?**

Ya! Jingle fed a llama!

**Jingle?**

_ME!_

**You have nicknames now…**

THAT'S RIGHT. I'm Wonder, Bella's Jingle and Emmett is Lemon.

**Ok…I get Jingle and Wonder a bit, but Lemon?**

_That's the point. There ain't no logic. That's why its funny._

EDDY NEEDS A NICKNAME!!

_Hmmmm_

BLADE!!

_Ome ya like Edward scissor hands_

**Greeeeeeeeat…**

_Then whats his Volvo called?_

THE CAR

_Ome PERFECT!_

**So my car is now the car… For no reason whatsoever.**

No! The Car. CAPITALS, EDDY!

**Why are we naming my Volvo anyway?**

_Cause my trucks da sleigh and the porche tis the Looker and the Jeep is the Lemonade!_

**I see.**

Shall we invite him into club Balice?

_NO!_

Why?

_It's funner to hide stuff like spies!_

COOL! Like those PIRATE NINJA SANTA'S!

_Awesome!_

**Balice?**

_YOU SHALL NEVA KNOOOOOOOW!_

**That's great. **

We should make a clubhouse!

_NO! A TREE HOUSE!_

And call it the zoo! 

_Why?_

Cause Balice started at the zoo, PLUS we can randomly say "TO THE ZOO!" And everyone get all confused.

CONFUZZLED

_Brilliant!_

That's actually a good idea, Emmett.

It's the only kind I have!

**I've turned invisible…**

_OH NOES! YOU KNOWETH MY SECRETS!!_

**Not really. You guys are talking in code…**

_TO THE ZOO!_

J?

_W?_

L!!

Uh huh. Anyway, there is no zoo yet. WE GOTTA MAKE ONE!

_OH COOL LETS GO!_

**Uhhh, bye?**

**A/N: I am sooooooooo sorry guys, my summers jam packed. So I won't update as often. BUT I WONT LET THIS STORY DIIIIE! Bwa ha ha haaa!**


	25. Fish and chips?

A fish restersaunt

**A fish restersaunt**

_What the hell!_

**What's wrong now?**

_They ripped me off!_

**How?**

_I ORDERED FISH AND CHIPS!_

**Annnd?**

_They gave me fish and french fries!!_

**What's the problem?**

_WHERE'S MY CHIPS??_

**The french fries are your chips!**

_HOW?_

**That's what they're called. Chips.**

_But…I was prepared for salty goodness…_

**I'll go buy you a bag of chips.**

_YAY!_

**-A few minutes later-**

_WHAT THE HELL!_

**What now?**

_You got me a bag of chips!_

**Annnd?**

_WHERE'S MY FRENCH FRIES?!_

**A/N Hiiii… I went swimming today!! Ya. You didn't need to know that. I think I'm gonna make the next chapter about Grand theft auto… I just got San Andreas so…ya.**


	26. It's a fly by!

A fish restersaunt

**A/N: Don'task how she's writing and playing at the same time. She just IS. It's a fact of life.**

_NO! MOVE OVER!! ARUGH!_

**Huh?**

OMG Jingle! Where'd his head go?

_I dunno OH COME ON! Fine. You wanna play that game? JETPACK CHEAT! IT'S A FLY BY!_

Ha. Fly by. Nice one.

_NO! STUPID DRIVER! LET ME STEAL YOUR CAR!!_

**Why did Carlisle allow you to get her this?**

Whoa. The police ran over more people than you.

**Did… Did that taxi just run over the police officer?**

_Yup. Fun, huh?_

**How many Grand theft auto games did you get her?**

Uh… all of them…

**My god…**

_Look, I'm driving responsibly._

**On the sidewalk!**

Whoa. That dude just did a flip.

**Why did you punch that old lady? She did NOTHING to you.**

It's the point of the game, Blade. Relax.

_OH CRAP._

Why'd you punch him?

_I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A COP! I SWEAR!_

**That's it.**

**-He snaps the disc.-**

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!_

Hey, J!

_Ya W?_

TO THE ZOO!

**-She holds up a fresh game-**

_YA WE CAN PLAY UP THERE AND LOCK BLADE OUT!_

Awesome!

**A/N: I seriously did all that stuff, cept my brother was all like, "It's a fly by!" Ya. **


	27. Blue Lemon soup?

**A/N: I'M BACK! PHEW.My comp was soooooo dumb and wouldn't let me log on. But now it will. So, HERE!**

**The Cullen house, and yes Esme bought human food for when Bella was over. **

_What time is it?_

**Uh, 3:36, why?**

_No, silly! SUMMERTIME!_

**Uh...**

_Doncha like my song??_

**Do I have to answer that?**

_RAWR!!_

**Bella?**

_Hum?_

**Crack kills.**

_WE ALL LIVE IN A PURPLE CHICKEN WING!!_

**We do?**

LETS MAKE BLUE LEMONADE!

_Ok!_

**Why blue?**

Cause its da shiz!

**-Emmett and Bella run to the kitchen-**

**Nothing good can come of this...**

_**Hey. What's that?**_

_Well Jazz, it's blue lemon-_

STUFF. He's not a member of Balice, Jingle!

_Oh ya!! Blue Lemon stuff._

_Whatcha making?_

SOUP!

_Ya! Blue Lemon soup!_

_Riiight..._

_**Uh, is there even such thing as blue lemon soup? **_

_ALL FOOD STARTS SOMEWHERE_

How does it taste, J?

_Hmmm. Awesome. But not AWESOME._

_**And what's the differance?**_

_Silly Jazz-hands. There is a huge differance._

_**ooookay then.**_

Let's add... A GRAPE!

_Naw, that's not right. They'll clash_.

_**Yup. The grapes have ceirtain polocies that the lemons disaprove of. The lemons are big on fruit rights.**_

REALLY?!

_NO!! Anyway, we can't add a grape. I'm banned, remember?_

Oh ya. When you shot it at Esme. I remember now.

**Having any luck love?**

_BOOM CHICKA WAH WAH_

**Uh, I'm just gonna go now.**

_Uh, maybe if you-_

LA DOO DEE DA DA

_But if you-_

_Don't wanna hear it._

_One bit of-_

_I'm hearing it!_

_Ugg! If you just-_

RAWWWWR!

**Bells?**

_Yes Eddy Weddy?_

**Uh, normally I'd persue that, but listen to Rose.**

_Whhhyyyyy?_

_BEAUSE I KNOW HOW TO FIX YOUR IDIOTIC SOUP!_

_How Miss Smarty Pants?_

_Add rasberry._

_No, that'd... uh, it would...err, Maybe..._

_Uh huh. That's what I thought._

_FINE ADD A RASBERRY._

**-They do, and she tastes it-**

_Wow. You were right._

_Of course I was, doughnut._

**And now that you've made this huge pitcher of 'soup' , what will you do with it?**

_Uhh, we'll..._

GIVE IT TO MIKE!

_YA!_

**Mike...Newton?**

_YUP!_

**-They grab the pitcher quickly and run off to Mike's house. They knock on the door. Mike appears at the door. He has been trying to fiz his hair. It is now red, cause he messed up.**

**"Here ya go Mike!" Bella tried to hand it to him, but being Bella, tripped, and the soup went flying. It glanced off Emmetts finger, and landed on Mike's head. Upside down. Now with blue dye streaking down his face, he shouts at them to never ome back. After a lot of scrubbing, he got the blue off his face. But poor Mike learned that day that red hair plus blue dye equals a purple mess.- **

**A/n: There ya go! So, everyone exited bout Breaking dawn? Well, I think I might start a short fic about those quotes of the day they're putting on SM's website. Like a FAQ, exept with riduculus answers. Like "what's gonna happen in BD? Well, Bella's eaten by a polar bear of course! SM said it herself" kind of thing. So my question for you is would any of you read that? It'd be funny. Byyes! And reveiws make me smile. I'm aiming for the 200 mark by the like 50th chapter. Sorry for the huge A/N! Oh no...gonna get longer. Story: I was at a friends house and we wanted to make lemonade. But then we found blue food coloring. So we were making it, talking with french accents, and her bro comes in, like Jazz and Rose, asking what we were doing. And we said the same things (minus the Balice part, just the you can't know part and soup part) Emmett and Bella said. Then ended up drinking it out of bowls. Sorry for the huuuuuge A/N!!**


	28. Chicken legs

**A/N: Thanks guys. I'm glad I'm wanted. :). Here ya go.**

**Bella's house, I guess.**

_Clumsy cause I'm falling in looooove!_

**Oh, so you're blaming me now?**

_I'm falling in looooove!_

**With who?**

_Him!_

**Mike!?**

_No!! The other him._

**Eric? Tyler? JACOB?**

_No, no, ewww! The OTHER him dummy!_

**Jasper, Emmett?**

_No! NO! _

**Carlisle?**

_Eww!_

**Embry? Paul? Billy?**

_OK, now you're just being stupid. _

**Then who?**

_You!_

**I am him?**

_You are him and I am her in a boy meets girl world._

**Ok then.**

_Wow Blade. Paranoid much?_

**Do you have to call me that?**

_Yupp. I gotta make dinner._

**-A few moments later-**

_EW! EWEWEW!_

**Huh?**

_EWWW!_

**What is it?**

_There is a REASON I don't make chicken leg thingymabbobers._

**And what is this reason?**

_You have to pull the stinkin skin off, and now I've got chicken blood all over me._

**Wonderful. I think I'm going to go watch t.v.**

_Why?? OH! heh heh. Forgot about that. Eww. Now I'm lonely... ooooh, spinny room..._

**-She faints, and Edward rushes into the room, catching her a hair's width from the floor.-**

**Whoa there. You ok?**

_The chicken is conspiring against me! The chicken and my nose..._

**Right. I think you need to lay down for a while.**

_Ed?_

**Don't call me Ed. And, yes?**

_Why are the walls moving?_

**They arn't...**

_OH NO!_

**Yes?**

_MY EYES HAVE JOINED THE CONPIRISY! AND SO HAVE THE WALLS!_

**Um...I'm gonna hold you down in a minute.**

_Wooo. Y'know what?_

**-sigh- What?**

_I'm never making chiken leg thingymabobbers again._

**Good.**

_However, I will make bagel legs!_

**Bagels have legs?**

_No, sadly the Bumble bre stole them._

**A/N: I wrote that at like three a.m, so don't kill me. Anyway, it was cause my mom got surgery for carpal tunnel, so she couldn't move it. Therefore I had to skin those retarted chicken leg things. And got blood all over me. And I was thinking about the fact Bella would probably faint. And about the Clumsy thing? Ya, I deided Ed needed the spotlight for a bit. The SILLY SPOTLIGHT. Ya.**

**Edward:I told you NOT to call me Ed!!**

**So? I am the author. Wait...how'd you get here?**

**Edward:I have my ways...**

**Right...well, sorry for the long A/n. See ya'll. **


	29. Peter Pan's hat has Uglyocity

**Disclaimer: I so totally own all of this. **

**SM- You own what?**

**Uhhh, my spiffy new kitty?**

**SM- Good puppy, here's a treat!**

_**Mike- Bold, Underline, Italics**_

**History cause I said so.**

--

_Bonjour, monsieur!_

**Allo. Francais? Pourquoi?**

_Uhhhh, say whaaa?_

**I said Hello. French? Why?**

_Oh. Cause I dunno. _

**Ah, oui madame. **

_I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID THAT TIME!_

**It would be a shame if you didn't.**

_A lame shame._

**Lame shame?**

_A tame lame shame._

**Uh, ok?**

_A tame lame shame with a name._

**Oh, I see. You're rhyming.**

_I am? -rereads- CRIKEY!_

**You really didn't notice?**

_Meh be..._

**I worry about you. **

_And I worry about Bumble bre._

**I think I'll have to take you to see a theripist.**

_A SHRINK?? NOOOOOOO!_

**You burst out with random comments.**

_I DO NOT JAMES!_

**..James? As in tracker James?**

_No, James as in James Fitzgibbon. You arn't paying attention, are you?_

**Not really.**

_Well, Cap'n Hook, you best be gettin to walkin the plank._

**Captian Hook? What about Peter Pan?**

_What about him?_

**He supposedly stays a kid forever. I'm a teenager forever. See any similarities?**

_But... he has a hat...an ugly green one._

**I supposed. There are only two people I know who'd wear that hat.**

_**I've always fancied that hat.**_

_And him saying that proves my point about the uglyocity._

**Uglyocity?**

_Ya. Like a degree of uglyness. _

I'D WEAR THAT HAT ANYDAY!

**And there's my point abut the...uglyocity.**

_Oh ya. And, Blade?_

**Can you not come up with another nickname? ANY OTHER NICKNAME?**

_No. Now, what bout Tinkerbell?_

**I like her. **

Ugg. You two are disgusting. You're giving me a headache.

_Is that even possible?_

**Figure of speech, Bella.**

_AHEM?_

**What? Oh...**

_Took ya long enough. _

**Ok, "Jingle"...**

_Je suis un chat!_

**You're a cat?**

_...I thought that meant I like bagels..._

--

**A/N: That last part cracked me up. I was thinking about french. So I made this, and my brother decided my new kitten would like to watch Pirates of the Carrabian, and I just like Cap'n Hook better that Cap'n Sparrow. And I've always hated that hat of Peters...I couldn't remember how to say why in french. I have no idea why. I think pourquoi is right...but i dunno. XD I'm an idiot sometimes.**


	30. Don't mess wit da pixie

**Disclaimer: I DISS THIS CLAIM ( Couldn't resist. XD)**

**And I owe Bella's new name to freak0star. Read the review ya sent if you don't understand. XD**

**Some class**

Mike- If ya didn't know by know, you're pretty daft.

_Poptarts._

**Hmm?**

_If they're popTARTs, what aren't they tart?_

**Bella? Am I a human?**

_No._

**So what do I know about human food?**

_Nada. _

**Exactly. **

_WELL THEN BLADE,-_

**Y'know what? You keep calling me Blade, I'll call you...BELLY!**

_Belly?_

**Yup.**

_Oh, come on! That's plain stupid. _

**Not really. It's utterly intelligent.**

_ALICE!!_

Uh, why did you poke my eye with this? I think I have a papercut. On my eye. UNNATRAL!

**Says the vampire.**

_HE'S GONNA CALL ME BELLY!_

You wouldn't dare.

**Oh I would. **

_**Yo yo yo!**_

_Mike, drop it. You have a purple afro type mohawk thing on your head. It looks like a bird mistook you for a tree branch. GIVE IT UP._

You call her belly and I'll hurt you.

_YA! I'LL RELEASE MY MAD NEWBORN VA-_

Mike you idiot!

_Oh ya...uhhh, VACCUM SKILLS! MY NEW VACCUM SKILLS!_

**When did you recive these...vaccum skills?**

_I don't have em. Alice does._

DONT MESS WITH DA PIXIE!

**Oooh, I'm soooo scared.**

Oh ya? I knew you would be.

**Let's settle this outside.**

Sure. Lead the way.

**-They get up and stalk out of the classroom in the middle of the teaher's lesson. Soon crashes and snarls could be heard. The class watched the door, stunned. Bella started randomly shouting lyrics to fergilicous when Alice skipped in, head held high, and Edward sulked in. It was obvious who was victorious.-**

_Ya see? What did she tell ya?_

**-mumbles incoherently-**

_Why'd you write that instead of actually mumbling?_

**We're in a class full of kids.**

That you just interuppted to go fight me using..vaccum skills. VERY inconspicuous.

**Shove it.**

_-gasp- DID I HEAR THAT? DO IT AGAIN! _

**Do what?**

_Say something Edward Cullen would never ever say!_

Shove it? Ha! He says that all the time.

_  
WOW. Anyway, we never finished our first convo. _

**And what would that be?**

_WHY AREN'T POPTART'S TART? _

**Oh brother.**

**A/N: Rawr. Me bored. Me write. GAH. Writing suck. Me complain. Me ask for lovely readers to send reviews. Me would be happy if me got reveiw. And me would stop talking like Hulk.**


	31. Tom the Baby

**The Cullen house**

_What the hell. _

**What's wrong love?**

_This stupid baby won't go to bed._

**What baby?**

_Tom._

**Who?**

_The baby! Gawd, Blade, keep up!_

**Uh, ok?**

_I mean, Mary falls asleep right away. But will Tom? Just this once? NO! And I'll get yelled at cause he ALWAYS gets hungry or bored right before his mom comes._

**Will you please tell me what's wrong?**

_I TOLD YOU! TOM IS RETARTED!_

**Who is Tom?**

_The baby!_

**What baby?**

_TOM!_

**Who?**

_THERE BE NO PROGRESS!_

**I noticed. Now what baby are you talking about?**

_Tom_

**And who is Tom?**

_The baby._

**Who's baby?**

_I don't know her name!_

**Wait, I don't even see a baby. **

_Yeah you do._

**Where?**

_On my DS._

**DS?**

_... THE PINK THING IN MY HANDS_

**Oh, that's what it's called. So the baby is on the DS?**

_No! HE's IN the DS._

**...In?**

_He's a virtual baby._

**Err...**

_Pretend?_

**Oh, I see. So you're pretending to have a baby.**

_No, I'm pretending to babysit the baby._

**That makes sense. **

_Of course it does. It's not like I have a real baby to take care of...cough cough_

**Why would you write cough cough instead of cough coughing?**

_Baby I can see us moving like that, baby I can see us touching like that, baby I can see us kissing like that, We don't need more than he said she said!_

**What??**

_Relax, Blade. S'a song._

**Oh. Hold on...you DO have a baby to take care of!**

_I do?_

**Yes. Grizz!**

_OH YA! I think he kinda..._

**Yeees?**

_IS RIGHT HERE NEVA MIND._

**What did you think happened?**

_Uh, Jasper ate him... I imagned him here and then-_

**I get it.**

_Nookipiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!_

**Huh?**

_The bumble bre is a baaaad influence. _

**What is you're obsession with the Bumble Bre?**

_Waaaaaaaaaah! I am not paranoid! WHICH OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?_

**Umm...ok?**

BWAHAHAHAHA!

**Alice! WHY DID YOU DO THAT??**

Oh, come onnnn! It's a SPECIAL occation car. It needs to be SPECIAL!

**And so you cover it with glitter??**

Duh!

_She killed your car?_

**Yes. I shoulda known when she was singing Fergilicious in her head...**

IN RUSSIAN! C'mon, gimme some credit! That took forever to translate! I mean, I couldn't find "Fergilicious" in the English-Russian dictonary.

**...**

_What a rip off!_

Yup.

**Once again, ...**

_Pssha._

**Pssha?**

_Ya. It's my new word._

**How...do you pronounce it?**

_P, like in the beginning of Pigion, then ssssshhhhhhhhhh, like you're shushing someone, then a, like aahhh._

Pssha?

_Yup._

Jingle, you are one strange Baliceian.

**Uh, Baliceian?**

_YOU SHALL NEVER KNOW!!_

**Right.**

_Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagel._

**A/N: Pssha is my word. I always say it. It started with Psh, then I decided one S wasn't enough, then I thought the H was lonely, so I added an A. So Pssha was born. And the baby thing? I have this game called Imagine Babyz. And the idiotic Tom will NOT sleep, even when I do all the crud I'm s'posed to...then get hungry right when his mom is knocking on the door. And Baliceian is a member of club Balice. XD**


	32. SICK SICK SICK

**Mike Newton Bold, italic, underline.**

**Beeeellllaaaa'ssss rrrroooommmm**

...What's wrong with her?

**I have no idea...Bells?**

_Blech._

**What's wrong?**

_My stomach and my head are conspiring against me... uggggg -groans-_

**Did you take something?**

_Noooooooooooooooo_

**Why not?**

_We're outta Tyonal and gravol._

**I'll go get some.**

And I'll get Carlisle.

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

What now?

_DO NOT LEAVE ME ALONE!_

Fine.

**I'm back. Here ya go. **

_GOTTA WAIT 20 MINUTES_

**Well, we can chat and keep your mind off it.**

_Ok. Bout what? _

How chocolate tastes yummy.

**Alice?**

Yuuuuup?

**You. Are. A. Vampire.**

OH YA. I fergot.

**-Mike Newton pops in-**

_**YOU NEED A CHILL PILL! GET IT? PILL! HA! Err...Nevermind.**_

**-He burps in her ear and runs away-**

**Uh, Ok?**

_Oh eeeewwww. Err, Alice, could you give me and Ed a sec?_

Yup. I saw it coming though.

_AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?_

Uh, I forgot?

_Suuuuuuuure_

**What's wrong?**

_well, I kinda sorta maybe..._

Oh for heavens sake! She had dierria in her pants.

_ALICE!_

**Alice! **

What??

**Are you okay?**

_Ya, but I need my human minute. Cept I can't even get up._

**Huh. Alice?**

Ok, ok. C'mon, Bella.

**-A bit later-**

_Oh god. I feel so much better. _

**That's great, love.**

_I know. )_

**Errr...**

_Happy face. Turn your head._

**Oh, ok. So you sure you're good?**

_Yep. And I have one thing to say to you._

**Yes?**

_MY PUKE LOOKED LIKE BAGELS._

**That's...great.**

_I know, eh?_

**A/N: SICK! ME SICK! You better be thankful for this one. -death glare- Baisiclly Bella's going through the same things I went through. And yes, that means the dierria. Is that how you even spell it? uh, whatever. My dad went out and bought me gravol cause we had none left. XD. And the MIke Newton thing? Ya. My brother. I hate him sometimes...Byyes, Imma gonna go puke. And reviews might make me feel better...**


	33. TRADGETY!

_NOOOOOOOOO!_

**Umm, yes?**

_THIS IS A DISASTER! END OF THE WORLD!_

**What. I shudder to ask, is the matter?**

_The matter, I shudder to answer, is I have just descovered the WORSE THING IN THE WORLD!_

**And what's that?**

_That..I..._

HI JINGLE!

_Hi Wonder! Supp?_

Nothing. How bout you?

_Oh, nothing important!_

**Err...**

_OH! Hi Blade._

**Hello Belly.**

_..._

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LESSON I BEAT INTO YOU?

_Ya! What was it again?_

DON'T

_MESS_

WITH

_DA_

PIXIE!!

**Oh ya...heh heh...anyway, what was that whole end of the world deal about?**

_Oh ya. OMG W! ITS DA END OF DA WOOOOORLD!_

OMG DID THOSE FRUIT LOOPS CHASE THE ALPHABETS AGAIN?

_NO! I DISCOVERED A TERRIBLE TRUTH!_

OH MY!

**Will you spit it out already!**

_Ok, but you might wanna sit down. It's kinda shocking._

**I am sitting. **

_Ok. ready?_

**Yes.**

_W?_

Yup!

_Ok. Well, today I discovered..._

**Yeeeeesss?**

_That I..._

**Continue?**

_Can not..._

**Can't what?**

_WHISTLE!_

OMG A TRADGETY!

**...**

**A/N: I can't whistle. AND THATS RIGHT. The shudder to ask and answer thing is from Cory in the house cause my bro was watching it. **


	34. Pedophile?

Some class

_OME._

**Do I want to know?**

_Probably not. But I'm gonna tell you anyway._

**Of course.**

_You are a pedophile._

**And how do you figure that?**

_You're like, 108, and I'm 18, and you like..watch me sleep._

**I'm really not a pedophile.**

_BUT YOU WATCH ME SLEEP!_

**You wouldn't do the same?**

_Well, ya, but..._

**Exactly. **

_ALICE!_

WILL YOU STOP JABBING ME WITH THE STINKIN PAPER!

_No. Is Edward a pedophile?_

Ya.

**Oh come on!**

You are. You watch her sleep.

**She's 18!**

And you're 108!

**Shall we find the accurate definition of pedophile?**

Go ahead.

"**pedophilia is a form of paraphilia in which a person either has acted on intense sexual urges towards children, or experiences recurrent sexual urges towards and fantasies about children that cause distress or interpersonal difficulty.In strictly behavioral contexts, the term can be applied to the act of child sexual abuse itself, also called "pedophilic behavior""**

SEXUAL URGES! SO YOU!

**Exuse me?**

Shall we find Jazzy?

**Go ahead.**

_**Why did you stab me with a peice of paper?**_

Does Edward experiance sexual urges for Bella?

_**Yes.**_

HA!

**Towards CHILDREN Alice. I'd hardly consider Bella a child. **

_I ain't no child! I'm not I'm not! BARNEY! TELL EM!_

**Err...**

Ha. So you are a pedophile.

**No, I am not.**

Ya you are.

_Oh I found another definiton!_

"_In law enforcement, the term "pedophile" is generally used to describe those accused or convicted of the sexual abuse of a minor (including both prepubescent children and adolescent minors younger than the local age of consent) "_

**You see! She's above legal age to consent.**

Still...

_This is dumb. Eddy is a pedophile and that's that. NOW WHO WANTS A BAGEL?_

**A/N:I was watching Law and Order SVU. Good times... Thank you for the awesome definitions. wikipediea! (The website XD). **


	35. Cheeseman

_**Jacob Black Black Black, All dressed in...well, Black Black Black! Ya... **_

--

I hate the sun.

**Ugg, I'm with you there.**

_I HAVE SUCEEDED!_

**In what?**

_THE CHEESE STRING MAN!!_

**Erm...**

The wha??

_On every pack of cheese strings is a picture of a man. AND I MADE HIM WITH DA CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!_

**That's great,love.**

Eww! What's that smell?

**Oh gross! Is something dieing in your kitchen, Bella?**

_I don't smell anything._

**Eww...**

Oh come on!

_**Hey Bells!**_

_Jake?_

_**Yup. It's me!**_

**Okay then. That explains the smell.**

_**Hey! I showered only like two weeks ago! **_

_Oh Jake, gross!_

_**Says the mad ketchup lady.**_

_Eddy?_

**Yes?**

_Could I have some ketchup on my cheese?_

**No.**

_Fine Mr.pedophile. _

_**Oh that's good. **_

**Thaaaaaaanks Bella.**

_Ahem?_

**Sorry. Jingle.**

I hate the sun.

**So do I.**

_I'm starting to hate it too. HEY I GOTST AN IDEEEEEEAAAAA!_

**Yes?**

_Let's go to Ikea!_

**...why?**

_Because it's got an awesome name!_

When we take over Satern we can make an Ikea on it!!

_And it's gotta be run by penguins!_

OH YA! You know what this means, J?

_I think I might, W!_

TO THE ZOO!

_**The...zoo?**_

**I'm just as lost as you are.**

**-The girls run off, and then Bella runs back in-**

_I forgot to say something witty about bagels!_

**That's okay. You go ahead.**

_OK!_

**A/N: I compleated the cheeseman!**


	36. FANCLUB

**Ok, This'll be tricky. **_**PLEASE READ THIS**__**Jacob**__Mike__**Tyler**_ERIC** (Caps cause I want the other charactors in it XD)**

--

Ugg. The sun is sooo stupid.

I hate the sun.

**We covered that yesterday.**

_Bella's_

_**Fanclub**_

UNITE!

**Oh god. **

They've got a cheer...

Ewww..the smell is back...

_**Supp Dawgs?**_

Oh ya! PEOPLE TO DISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Err...

**Emmett?**

Ya?

**Shove it.**

WE ARE BEING IGNORED.

_No we arn't. Not once Cullen sees his car!_

**Which Cullen?**

_**The less threatning one.**_

**Oh so Emmett's then.**

Ya- HEY!

It only took him what, ten seconds to relize he was insulted? New record!

Shove it.

_That's Eddy-Poo's line!_

**So, are the lost puppies gone yet?**

_Huh? OH! Puppies! I get it._

Ha!

_Who are the- OH! Us._

He's worse than Emmett.

Ya he totally- Hey!

**...**

LET'S LEAVE MIKE!

_Ok. Bella's_

_**Fanclub**_

RETREAT!

**Oh good lord.**

_I bet they don't like bagels._

**I think you're right**

**A/N: RAWR. And credit goes to...xx . Mari . xx for the whole all of them there at the same time. Ugg. I'm sooo bored. So this probably sucks. Oh well.**


	37. Charlie the unicorn

**A/N: Heyy I'm low on insperation. So thank twilight-nm-ecps for the next chappie.**

_OMG OMG OMG_

**Not again.**

_Ya again._

**What is it then?**

_I FOUND FUNNYNESSITY!_

**Erm...**

_Charlie the Unicorn!_

**Oh god.**

_You've heard of it?_

**Emmett went through a huge phase. Now Rosalie is deathly afraid of it.**

_Ha! _

**- "Rosalie come up here!" Bella shouted and Edward covered his ears, knowing what came next-**

_What?_

_LOOKIE!_

**-She replays Charlie the Unicorn, and Rosalie widens her eyes.**

"**No..not...HIM!" She backs away. **

"**UNICORN! CHARLIE THE UNICORN!" Bella shouted loudly. Rosalie started screaming bloody murder, spun on her heels, and raced out the door. Emmett came up, curious as to why his wife was screaming.-**

Supp?

_Charlie the unicorn!_

REALLY! OH I LOVE HIM! LET'S WATCH IT IN THE ZOO!

_Ok! I'm sure Charlie the unicorn likes bagels!_

WEE! I COMING! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

**How can one human do so much damage to a clan of indestructable vampires?**

**A/N: Pretty good for someone who's never seen one of those, eh? And no I do not intend on seeing it. So, REVIEW! **


	38. Duck tape

_Duck! Quack quack!_

**Erm...**

_I've got a question Eddy Pooooooooooo!!_

**Shoot.**

_Shoot what?_

**Huh?**

_What should I shoot?_

**... just ask your question.**

_Why is it duck tape?_

**What? What's duck tape?**

_Y'know, the shiny silver tape._

**You mean Duct tape?**

_No, I mean duck tape. Do you like, tape up ducks with it?_

**No. It's called duct tape. And I don't know why they call it that.**

_ALICE!_

I swear, next time you stab me with that thing I'll-

_Is it duck tape or duct tape?_

Duck...

**Alice!**

What?

**It is not!**

_I KNOW WHAT RHYMES WITH DUCT TAPE!_

**-sigh- What?**

_Duck rape!_

OMG Eddy's gonna rape a duck!

**First a pedophile, then a duck rapest...**

_Naw. You rape bagels._

**I do what now?**

**A/N: My brother asked me if they tape up ducks with duct tape. He thought it was duck tape. XD**


	39. Bagels

Cafiteria

_--_

_Were you alive in 1960??_

**I was in existence in 1960. Why?**

_Cause you were alive when they found da beetles!_

**They found bugs in 1960?**

..._huh?_

**Beetles are a type of bug.**

_NO! The beetles that sing!_

**Err...**

_You know! we all live in a purple chicken wing!_

**Huh?**

_Oh..wait, I think that's yellow submarine..._

**Oh. You mean the Beatles. As in the band.**

_YA!_

**Then yes, I suppose I was.**

_What bout hickory sticks?_

**What in the world...?**

_Those crunchy chip like sticks._

**I have no idea.**

_Mike is a rude chicken nugget. _

**Why?**

_cause hes all meeeeeeny like. So I have deemed him a chicken nugget._

**Sounds reasonable.**

_You only say that cause hes not a bagel._

**Err...I guess...?**

_OMG!_

**What now?**

_ANGELA IS EATING A BAGEL!_

**Annnd?**

_MURDER I TELLZ YA!_

**Great.**

_I MUST SAVE THE BAGEL!_

**-She jumps up and snatches the bagel from Angela's hands, holding it above her head, and runs out the door, all the while shouting**

**"BOOM CHICKA WAH WAH!" The Cullens stare out the door in dismay, exept Alice, who is taking out her evil spork of doom. She climbs up onto the table and addresses the lunchroom.**

**"May this be a lesson to ye! If you try to eat one of our bagel brethren, I shall spork your eyes out!" She then sits back down with a smile. At least five kids drop their bagels.-**

**A/N: I was trying to search beatles on google, and got no resaults, and I was confuzzled, until I realized it was beatles not beetles. XD**


	40. Blood Bagels

_Awww!_

**I should know better than this but...what?**

_You were alive in 1911, right?_

**Yes...**

_OMG! THAT WAS WHEN THE FIRST PARIS FAIR WAS ON!! ZOMG!_

**That's great, Bella.**

_I KNOW! Did you go? Didya?_

**Did I live in Canada?**

_No. _

**Then did I go to the Paris Fair?**

_Nope...aww, eddy, I'm sad now!_

HEY! You made my bffecwaassh sad!

**Oh god. I'll cheer you up?**

_OK! But the only way to do that is to go to...THE ZOO!_

**Your little clubhouse? Okay.**

_No. The zoo. The actual zoo._

**Fine, whatever. After school.**

YAY! Omg, Jingle! Look at the grocery store ad!

**Wait, why in the world do you have a grocery store ad?**

Uh, I was...umm...well whatever But J!!

_OMG._

**It's a strawberry bagel apparently.**

_No. _

**No?**

Yup.

**Oh, yes.**

_No! stop it. It's a bloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood bagel!!_

OH YA!

**Oh lord.**

_ALL HAIL THE BLOOD BAGELS!_

**A/N: Thanks to the anonomous reviewer under the name Savannah for te strawberry bagel thing. And how do I know bout the paris fair thing? It was in the Brantford newspaper. Which is where I live. Soooo, ya. If you dont know its a little fair held in Paris ontario at the end of summer, like a little going away party for summer. **


	41. George

_Newton__**Jacob**_

**Okay, I thought we were only going as the three of us. Why the hell are Newton and the mutt here?**

Well, I thought Mike would want to visit his relitives, y'know, the big puffy birds, and smelly over there came cause Billy wanted to go.

_**Hey! I resent that.**_

_And I resent Cullen. And that._

_**Hey! I resent Cullen more.**_

_My good man, that is compleatly impossible._

_**Not really. I resent Cullen much more than you could imagine. It's almost as if we were mortal enemies. Natrual enemies.**_

_Oh come on. Natural enemies? What, are you like, a vampire and Cullen's like, pssh, a werewolf?_

_Bahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaha!_

**Oh gross. Put a sock in it Newton.**

Hey J!

_Yes W?_

I think George over there is a little lonely.

_I think so too._

We should use my mad vaccum skills to..."help" him.

_We should. Ok, let's go!_

**Wait! You mean you're gonna...ALICE! THERE ARE HUMANS HERE!**

_Aren't...you human?_

**Yes. Of course...**

**-Alice sneaks off with Bella to the security gaurd, who she tries to kiss to get the keys. It turns out to be a woman. They laugh and swipe the keys anyway. They run off to the peacock cage, thrusting the door open. They chase the peacock, which is running around with all it's spiffy feathers up. Bella trips into the food, and Alice keeps chasing it (human speed, of course!) and catches it, wrapping her arms around it. They start walking away, and don't notice the guard until they bump into her. The security gaurd arrests them for stealing a peacock. As she handcuffs them, they start singing Bella's version of I belive I can fly. The peacock then dies of shock. Edward sighs and goes back to note writing.-**

**Great. They killed a peacock.**

_**HA! IF THIS ISN'T BREAKING THE TREATY, THEN- **_

**We can't bite or kill a HUMAN, Jacob.**

_Why would you bite someone? And why is there a treaty? Huh?_

**-Aro appears with a sock, and shoves it in Mikes face.**

**"FACe MY MAGICAL MIND ERASING SOCK THING OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" He shouts, then disapears.-**

_Why am I here? CULLEN? Oh my! My dreams have come true! Me and Cullen are together!_

**What the hell,Newton!**

_**Oh man this is pricless.**_

**I should go bail those two out of jail. And I'm sure if Bella was here, she would want me to say **

"**Well, I'm sure George liked bagels"**

**A/N: I'm cruel. But I needed Newton to face Aro's -insert long name of sock here- . So ya. But the good part is, Bella and Alice didn't notice he died. So that's just another chapter waiting to happen. Sorry if some people hate me now for killing George. Let's just say he's in a better place ok? Stealing a peacock credit goes to DamnThoseDazzlingCullens.**


	42. Brick Wall, Waterfall

_Do you wear socks?_

**Yes Bella, I wear socks.**

_But wwwwwwhhhhhyyy?_

**Well, because. It's the proper thing to do. **

_No, wearing a turkey on your head is the proper thing to do._

**Really.**

_Yes, because you are a slice of bread._

**Why?**

_Because of Elivis._

**Great.**

_Brick wall, water fall man you think you got it all but you don't! I do._

**What?**

_So boom with that attitude, peace punch captain crunch_

**Err..**

_I got something you can't touch_

**Huh?**

_Bing Bang choo choo train wind me up I'll do my thing_

**That's nice. **

_Reeses Peices 7 up mess with me I'll mess you up._

**I'm just going to wait until you're done.**

_I know karatee I know kung fu Make a move I'll use it on you_

**Really.**

_So elbow elbow wrist wrist, back off now you just got dissed._

**You done?**

_I'm da best you ever heard, shut up dude you just got served._

**Well?**

_Now I am._

**What was that.**

_Didn't you ever do Brickwall Waterfall?_

**No...**

_Huh. Well in that case..._

**Uh oh.**

_Talk to the hand Talk to the Fist dude I think you just got dissed._

**What exactly are you doing? **

_TEACHING YOU STUFF._

**Yay?**

_poof with the additude gee i think you're really rude peace and love is what i like it's time for you to take a hike._

**Uh, ok?**

_minnie mouse in the house behind your ear i see a louse you got lice i got spice my fingers covered in ice you are just the wholesale price girls, im sorry but your sad oh and you might wanna lay off the candy a tad!_

**You remember all these from Pheonix?**

_No. Mike taught them to me._

**Ah. I see.**

_AND HE SAID HE LOVES BAGELS._

**A/N: I remembered that Brick wall waterfall then looked it up on the net. Found all the rest. Ya, I dunno. ****AND PLEASE CHECK OUT MY NEW STORY DIARY OF A COOKS ASSISTANT!**** Thanks. **


	43. BD SPOILERS INSIDE BE RESPONSIBLE

_**WARNING!! DONT READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU AREN'T FINISHED BREAKING DAWN. **_

**A/N: OMG. OMG. OMG. Renesmee was one of the least expected things SM could possibly come up with. OMG. In my town one store didn't know they weren't supposed to be released until today, so I got mine a full 48 hours before it was officially released. You'll know who Renesmee is once you read the book. But...WOW. And the whole Alice-Jasper-J. Jenks thing was awesome.**

Ohhhh Blade!

**Yes? **

_No arguements?_

**Obviously you won't have a change of heart, so no. **

Oh, well anyway, did you know Bella's supposed to be pregnant?

**And who said that?**

_STEPHENIE MEYER!_

**That stalker woman who documents what we do?**

_Yah._

**But Bella's not pregnant...**

She decided the story wasn't spicy enough.

**Well, let's go confiscate all the books.**

_Too late._

**How?**

They were released at midnight.

_NOOOOO! I'M A FREAK WITH A BABY! _

**Relax, Bella.**

Where'd she go?

**Bella? Hello?**

Let's find her.

**-They search all over the Cullen house, and find her hanging from the chandilier- (A/N: The next part is spoken conversation. SPOKEN! NOT NOTES)**

**Bella! What do you think you're doing??**

_Well, if I swing from the chandilier I'm a monkey, and monkey's can't get PREGGERS!_

**Uh, actually they can.**

_NOOOOOOOOOO! THEN I WILL BECOME A BAGEL!_

**-She jumps down and attempts to stick herself in the toaster. Her foot gets in, don't ask me how, and she smiles goofily.-**

_I AM A BAGEL!! ! WEEEEEEEE!!_

**Err, Bella?**

_YA!_

**Bagels can't kiss me. **

_OH NO!_

**A/N: I screamed when I found out. My mom laughed at me cause the other day I told her how Bella getting preggers was totally impossible... ya. **


	44. MI ROOTABAGA!

_nONONONONONONo! DONT TAK MEH RooTABAga!_

**Err...what?**

_THEY AFTA MI LUCKY CHARMS!_

**That's nice.**

_I gotta find my lucky charms... _

**Did you check the cupboard?**

_WHY IS IT SPELT LIKE THAT?_

**Why is what spelt like how?**

_Cup-board. But...the P is like...dead._

**No. It's silent.**

_No, Mike killed it._

**How?**

_By stabbing it with a pencil._

_MI LUUUUUKYY CHARRMZZZ!!_

**Right...**

_They took them. Nawty lil kids..._

**Ok?**

_I feel like a peice of yuck._

**Uh, okay?**

_ARE YOU CALLING ME SHORT?_

**Not that I know of.**

_MARRy BO PEEp!_

**I'm slowly going crazy.**

_WHERESURWHERESURWHERESURDIGNATY? ITHINKULEFTITINTHEHOLLYWOODHILLS!_

**What?**

_La chapa wappa mappa toooooooooooo_

**Lovely.**

_be AFrAId1 Be Vry AFraid_

**I am.**

_The rabits are taking over the world and the cabbeges are master minds of the whole operation._

**You belive that, I'll sit over here with sanity.**

_NOOOnononoO! SanITY AttRACts ThEEm FassTter!_

**Ok then. **

_MARBLE SOCKS!_

**Those would be hard to get into...**

_You know this how!?_

**A guess...**

_DO NOT MAKE ME THROW A POSSUEM AT UR FACE!_

**You have a posseum?**

_Yup._

**Where?**

_iN Mi BrA!_

**Alrighty then..**

_Why not??DID THE RABBITS TAKE OVER THE WORLD AGAIN?? Those naughty rabbits..._

**I think you need to get some sleep. **

_I HaVE All THe AmooOOO i NEeD!!_

**Right. Goodnight.**

_GOoD ThINgs GrOw iN oNTAriO_

_Eddy?_

_Hello?_

_Crackers._

_AND BAGELS!_

**A/N: I love old MSN convos. XD.**


	45. Toilet paper

_Eddy?_

**...yes?**

_I GOTTA PEE!_

**...err...**

_Well? Whaddoido?_

**Go to the washroom?**

_I guess._

**- A minute later she shouts for Edward to pass notes under the door.-**

**Are you okay?**

_Weeeelll...I might have accidentally had a little issue?_

**Is this a girl issue? Because I can go find Alice.**

_Noo...not really._

**Then what's wrong?**

_The toilet paper is confusing._

**In what way?**

_NEVER MIND I FIGURED OUT WHAT IT'S FOR!_

**Um...good?**

**- She comes out wrapped from head to toe in toilet paper-**

_I A MUMEHH!!_

**Oh lord.**

_Pharoh Pharoh! DO THE EGYPTIAN STRUT! WOO!_

**Right.**

_OME! YOUR A MUMEHH'S DADDY!_

**What??**

_Lookie!_

**-Grizz walks out in the same predicement as Bella-**

_Wait! Did mummies eat bagels?_

**I doubt it.**

_Maybe if I wrap it in toilet paper first..._

**A/N: Thanks to Cullen Vampress (And her inner voice) for the awesometastic idea. And sure we can bffecwaassh's. D **


	46. Chicken Wing

**Bella?**

_Yes daddy of a mummy?_

**Err..I'm just going to ignore that. But want to go out tonight?**

_Like on a date?_

**Uh, yes?**

_YAY! I'M GOING OUT WITH EDWARD CULLEN!!EEEE!!_

**Bella? You're married to me.**

_And?_

**Right.**

**-They walk into a resteraunt, sit down, and Edward orders for them. Nothing for him, chicken wings for Bella-**

**Okay. Sound good?**

_YUM YUM YUM TIME FOR FOOD IN MY TUM!_

**Right.**

**-The food arrives, and Bella takes one look at it before bursting into tears.-**

**Bella? Bella? What's wrong??**

_NOOOOOOOO!_

**Bella!**

_What? -sniffle-_

**What's wrong?**

_Well you are a cruel man._

**What?**

_The Bumble Bre has a friend._

**Oh god.**

_And her name is...CHICKEN WING!_

**...**

_YOU WANT ME TO EAT HER?_

**Fine, fine! What would you like instead?**

_BAGELSSSS!!_

**A/N: TADA! Bumble bre and my best friend is Bethany, and her nickname is Chicken wing! Yay! And hi Bethany when you read this! Luv ya all! **


	47. Roberta Poptart?

_OMG OMG OMG_

**Yes?**

_GUESS WHAT?_

**What?**

_No! GUESS!_

**I guess you have something to tell me?**

_OMG YOU A PSYCIC!_

**Sure. Some may even say I read minds.**

_Hardy har har._

**So what did you want to tell me?**

_Guess who Roberta Poptart is??_

**Umm, someone?**

_WOW YOUR GOOD! She was the first female Canadian poptart in space!_

**What? Ohhhh you mean Roberta Bondar.**

_No, Roberta Poptart. _

**Right.**

_OH MAYBE SHE WAS FRIENDS WITH GEORGE W. BAGEL!_

**A/N: STORY TIME! The Buble Bre is obsessed with space. She was telling me and chicken wing about Roberta Bondar, First Canadian woman in space. And we were waaaayyy hyper. So we thought she said Roberta Poptart. And Bre was all mad, but we made this huge description about how she was a strawberry poptart with a dream. And a cape. So ya.**


	48. The dairy coppers

_**Bella?**_

_Yes Jazz-Hands?_

_**Don't call me that. **_

_Fine Jazzy Wazzy with a Frazzy Hairyazzy._

_**Umm..**_

_Oh crackers. Didn't flow. _

_**Right. Now why on this green earth are you under my bed?**_

_BECAUSE THE DAIRY COPPERS ARE AFTA MEEEEEE!_

_**O-kay then. Why are these "Dairy coppers" after you?**_

_If I tell you you can't tell them where I am, kay?_

_**Fine.**_

_I might have left a peice of chedder out...and it kinda grew a garden, ya catch my drift...?_

_**It went moldy?**_

_Shh! Keep it down! You want them on your tail too??_

_**Huh...**_

FREEZE!

_NOOOOOO! THEY CAUGHT ME!_

_**Alice?**_

No! I AM SHERIFF DAIRY!!

_**Right.**_

**-She holds out a peice of cheese that has a bit of mold on one side-**

IS THIS THE OFFENDER?

_**Wait, you're using the cheese as a witness?**_

Yes I am Jazz.

_Jazzy Wazzy with the-_

_**Get on with it.**_

_Why is there a superman blanket under here?_

_**NO! DO NOT TOUCH SALLY!**_

_Who?_

_**MY BABY!!**_

**-He snaches it and cradles it in his arms-**

_Okay then._

HEY YOU STILL AINT OFF DA HOOK MOLDERER!

_NOOO! Hey, isn't that a moldy bagel over there?_

**-Alice looks, and Bella sneaks off to hide from the dairy coppers-**

Aww, phooey.

**A/N: Hello Chicken wing when you read this! Ya thats it for tonight. I decided Jazz needed a obsession. I mean it. Review please!**


	49. I love Tom!

_i love tom_

_**That's nice **_

_I don't even care he is 6 years older_

_**Right.**_

_He will love me I am making it my life goal_

_**Will you like stalk him?**_

_I will go to their concert really early so I can see them go in and tell them how much I love him. And if I can't get there early enought I will wait till they leave after_

_**And he'll look deep into you're eyes and discover the reason for the painful longing he has been repressing for the majorady of his life?**_

_I dunno but I will get a picture with him and i will give him my number!_

_**And he will call you because the repressed longing is no longer repressed and hooks up with you, and marries you, and you have a little house out in the country? **_

_Why would we get a little house god i want a big one!_

_**Not the point**_

_And if he doesn't call I will still have the picture_

_**Right, and you can just marry that. Not creepy at all... **_

_No then I won't marry him_

_**Ah I see**_

_I'd marry a bagel._

_**Wait, what about Edward?**_

_Well duh, he'll be on vacation while this happens!_

_**Right.**_

**A/N: I literally copy and pasted this from my MSN convo then added the witty bagel comment and the Edward bit. Just imagine me as Jasper and my friend Bella. And ya. Tom from Tokio Hotel.REVIEW **


	50. Peircingssss!

_Can I? Oh please? _

**Can you what?**

_Do what Mike did._

**Get a mohawk??**

_NO! Have you seen him today?_

**Nooo...**

_Well then..._

STOP HITTING ME WITH THE STUPID-

_Think about what Mike did to his face._

Okay!

**Oh lord!**

_Lordy lordy, look whose forty!!_

**Erm. Why did he do that? Is that not heavy to a human?**

I haven't the slightest.

_SO CAN I?_

**Get you're eyebrow, lip, nose, tounge, and most of the space availible on your ear peirced?**

_Yah._

**NO.**

_BUT WHYYYYYYYYY?_

**It's just not healthy.**

_AIEAIEAIEAIEAIEAIEAIEAIE!_

**...uhhh?**

_George, George, George of the Jungle!_

WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!

_Oooff!_

You bashed into the tree!

**But she's-**

ZIP

_AAAHH!! ESCAPE! ESCAPE!! EEEEEEE!!_

Oh no! Whats gunna happen my young posseum??

_THE KOOLAID MAN WILL BURST THROUGH THE WALL AND KILL US ALLLLLLL!_

Oh noooo!

**Okay, Alice. Reality check. How old are you?**

Erm..old?

**Yes. Now why are you freaking out that the koolaid man will hurt you?**

_Because he's got a broom!_

AND A LEMON!

_LIMEWIRE! THERES A LIME ON THE WIRE!_

THE TELEPHONE WIRE?

_CAUSE HE'S A LIAR! ARE HIS PANTS ON FIRE?_

**Good god.**

_GOOD GOLLY GOSH!_

CAREBEARS, ATTACCCCCCCCKKKKK!

_WITH YOU'RE BAGEL GUNSSSSSS!!_

**A/N: Oh goodess I'm hyper. My friend was all like I want to get piercing and so this is what happened. Crazy maaan, crazy! Now listen. This is the big 5-0. And I need to know: Do you want more, or should I stop while I'm ahead? Please give me an answer! And my goal for this chapter is to pull us up to the 500 reviews mark. So please, review and tell me! You can tell me in a review! See how that works? YAY!**


	51. Shananananananaaaagans

_This ain't no etchy sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid._

**Huh?**

_Yo eggo is preggo._

**What?**

_It all ended with a chair._

**Right.**

_HI!_

**Hello...**

_I just watched...JUNO!_

**I can tell. **

_I AM A TIC TAC!! A PURTY ORANGE ONE!_

**Sure you are Bella.**

_I'm already pregnant, what other shanagans can I get into??_

**I don't know. Now stop it. Please.**

_OME. Shanananananananananananaganas!_

**Great. I think I'll sue them, you know that?**

_For making a luverly word like SHANAGANS?_

**Yes.**

_Shaaaaa-NANANANANANAAAAAA-Ganzzzz!_

**Sleep now. **

_No, I drank Sunni DEEE!! _

**Sleep.**

_You's a bagel._

**A/N: OMG I can't belive it. You guys are the most wonderful bestest people in the whole entire world!! S'pecially you, Aden101, who went back and rreviewed EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER. Using very nice synonoms, I might add. Oh, and people who are on the Lexicon, I got a letter from the lex saying AND I QUOTE**

**your website was hacked. :D**

**What does it mean? I have a lex account, but...I havn't gone on in centuries. Sooooo?? Anyway, I won't stop for a while now. Thanks guys. Really.**


	52. Vampire Sticks

_Ohhhh Blaaadde!_

**What now?**

_Ooooh touchy touchy!_

**You made me dress up as Edward Scissor Hands.**

_AND I'M A VAMPIRE. BESIDES THE POINT. Now, listen up!_

Yah?

Yep?

**Oh god here we go again.**

_I will be taking everybodys candy cause I can eat it. _

OK!

Yup!

**Fine. But only three peices a day.**

_Aww, but Eddy-_

**No buts.**

_Fine. I want...this, this and this._

**Three...vampire sticks?**

_Yumm..._

_OOOH I A VAMPIRE NOW! GRR!_

**Oh good lord.**

_I gunna eat you Ed!_

**Hey!**

_EDDY BROKE MA TEETH!_

**You shouldn't bite a vampire!**

_You wern't one, now you is! CAUSE I A VAMPIRE!_

**And how did that happen?**

_The VAMPIRE STICKS!_

**Oh god.**

_I wonder if there are bagel sticks too??_

**A/N: Thank you to my stalker apperantly, aka CHICKEN WING. Vampire sticks are in fact a real thing. PEACE! REVEIW! **


	53. Bannaners

_Hell stomach dash!_

**What?**

_Hectic Chemist Indeed!_

**What do you need Bella?**

_Food!_

**What would you like? Preferably something that cannot be used to shoot Jasper in the eye.**

_OH COME ON! IT WAS THAT ONE TIME! DROP IT!_

**One grape, one cherry, one raison, one watermelon-**

_Besides the point! _

**Fine. Then what do you want?**

_AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY BUT IF THE DOCTOR IS CUTE SCREW THE FRUIT._

**You want an apple? Or Carlisle?**

_Option number one for one thousand!_

**Okay.**

**-He finds her an apple-**

_YUMMMMMMY_

**-She takes a bite, and a loose tooth pops out-**

_OH NO!_

**What is it now?**

_THE APPLE IS PLOTTING AGAINST ME! SHE IS PLOTING AGAINST THE WORLD WITH MY PET MONKEY BANNANERS!_

**Wait, who?**

_BANNERS DOES NOT LIKE THE WORLD BECAUSE PEOPLE THINK HE IS A FLAMINGO_

**Really. **

_The apple is the root of all evil!_

**Is it...**

_NO BANNANERS IS THE ROOT OF EVIL SHE IS HIS SIDE DISH_

**Side...dish?**

_Yep, clever eh?_

**Not really.**

_EDDY DONT LOVE ME!_

**Of course I do!**

_Then thwart Bannaners' evil plot!_

**And how would I do this?**

_By ordering him his own personal stalker at wwwww.org.ca.tv/bannanersevilplotahhhh!!.com_

**Umm, okay?**

_DID YOU KNOW IF YOU LOOK DOWN YOU SEE YOUR NOSE?_

**Yes. **

_I am looking down!_

**I see you.**

_EEE STALKERRR!!_

**Uh, okay then?**

_Were you ordered for me at wwwwww.org.ca.tv/bellaisthebestesteversheneedsawickedvampirehusband/stalkerwhowillpleaseletherdrivethevolvo?.ca_

**No. To the Volvo thing too**.

_Awwwwwzzz_

**That's nice. **

_DO THE CABBAGE PATCH! NO DO THE EDWARD!_

**What??**

_STARTS HOPPING UP AND DOWN ON ONE LEG WHILE DOING THE CABBAGE PATCH_

**What are you doing??**

_THE BAGEL TWIST!_

**A/N: Yay MSN convos! Credit to watchout4snakes dot com for the first 2 Bella-talks...The stalker-order sites don't exist, she lost a tooth by magic, and I take no credit for Bannaners, who is Chicken wings invention.**


	54. Big Brother CULLEN STYLE!

_PLEASE?_

Ya Eddy, PLEASE?

**Please what?**

Sign us up for...DRUM ROLL PLEASE!

_Dum dum dum duuuuuummmm..._

BIG BROTHER!

**What's that?**

_A buncha people go in to this house, and have competions and evict one person a week till theres only two people left then the past, evicted members vote on who wins!_

**No.**

_Whyyyy?_

**As soon as you said 'competition' my desicion was made.**

_Awwz_

I KNOW!

_What is is Woooonnnnddddeeerrr?_

Well Jjjjjiiiiinnnngggglllleee, we can make a CULLEN BIG BROTHER!

_Ya! Esme can buy us a house!_

Carlisle can be Julie Chen!

**Wait, who?**

_The hostess!_

**Right.**

_And the rest of us can be competetors!_

**Fine, but Bella is not allowed to compeate in anything dangerous.**

_YAY!_

To the Zoooooo! We need to plan!

_WE NEED TO BRING BAGELS! THOSE ARE MY THINKY DINKY FOODZ!_

**A/N: I am so gonna make a new fanfic about that. When I get around to it...Anywho, I've been busy working on the story for my new spiffy fictionpress account! Sooo, check out Super sensations, by me, Nosuchthingashappilyeverafter! Please review! Thanx!**


	55. Slap you like a bagel!

OMG! JINNGLEE!

_Ya?_

Lauren took your word!

_What word?_

Pssh!

_Naw, my word is pssha! With an A at the end, giving it happyness._

Yah thats what she did

_pssha? With an A?_

Yah

_THE EVIL FART IS EATING ME POSSUEM!_

Oh nooooooes!

_SHES A RUDET TOOOTIE PANTS!_

Yuh huhz!

_SHE SCARED AWAY THE LITTLE ALINEN WHO LIVES IN MY NOSE!_

What about the chicken who lives in your ear??

_He's safe._

**Hello. **

_HIYZAZ MI LOVA!_

Hi Shmeddy Eddy!

Umm...hello?

Anyone there?

I'm alone...

_I WILL SEND BOB OVER._

Who?

_MY IMANGINARY FRIEND DUH._

Oh okay!

_HE IS A PIZZA BOX_

**What have I gotten myself into?**

_OH NO THE HORSEY GHOST GOT TO HIM!_

Naw that was a leprichon.

_SPICY ONIONS!_

**My goodness. You two have gone over the edge. Seriously...**

_Eddy?_

**Yes...?**

_You're too sexy for your shirt..._

**...**

_YOU IZ!_

**Yay?**

_Puff! Puffy! Fluffy! Luffely! I HAVE GREAT WIT!_

EARTH TO BELLA EVERY THING YOU KNOW IS WRONG

_HOW?_

IT IS A SONG

_It says BELLA?_

Ya.

**Why did I get stuck with the insane sister?**

Because of the orange juice.

_KKKKKOOOOKAMUNGA MUNGA MOONGA MONGREL JACOB!_

**This is just getting too much. You guys need to see a shrink.**

_I USE A GRAVITY VORTEX TO SUCK YOU UP!_

Byez, Imma go find Jazzzzzzzz

_BYE! It's just you and me now eddy..._

**Oh god.**

_THE BOOGERS CRAWL UP YOUR NOSE TO ESCAPE ATTACK FROM THE CATTERPILLERS!_

**Vampires don't have...boogers.**

_FLOWERS ATTACK YOU WHEN YOU SLEEP!_

**Oh really?**

_Emmett said I was full of boorishness. WHAT KINDA WORD IS BOORISHNESS!_

**Resembling or characteristic of a boor; rude and clumsy in behavior.**

_OHEMGEEE!!_

**Right**.

_YOU'S A WALKING DICTIONARYYYY!_

**Just...stop.**

_DOODEL DOG!_

**Bye...**

_TOOTIES! SLAP YOU SILLY LIKE A BAGEL!_

**A/N: This was literally a convo on MSN with my friends. And ****NOTE!**** Some of you took the last chapter the wrong way! ****I AM NOT ABANDONING NOTES GALORE****! IT WILL LIVE!! Okay? Okay. But I'll write the big brother thing on the side. I can multi task, don't worry.**


	56. The totally hot Nick Jonas

_I've been to the year 3000!_

**Have you now.**

_Not much has changed, but they live underwater!_

**Do they.**

_And your great great great granddaughter is doing fine, doing fine._

**...That isn't possible.**

_It is according to Stephanie Meyer._

**Well, yes but-**

_Did you know I gots the best of both worlds?_

**Really. Which worlds?**

_The normal one, and yours._

**Oh, thanks.**

_I've been to the year 3000! _

**You told me that already.**

_I drove around in a time machine, like one in a film I've seen!_

**Ah.**

_Boy bands!_

**Nice.**

_Girls with round hair like star wars, who float above the floor!_

**I should really just leave...**

_This song had gone multiplatinum! Everybody bought our seventh album! It had outsold Kelly Clarkson!_

**And now you lost me. **

_I've been to the year three thousand. Not much has changed but they live underwater. And your great great great granddaughter is doing fine, yeah doing fine!_

**Ohhh, it's a song.**

_Duh. With the totally hot Nick Jonas!_

**Thaaanks...**

_I know about her!_

**Who?**

_And I wonder_

**Why?**

_How I brought all the lies._

**Oh, is it another song?**

_Yuppers._

**With the totally hot Nick Jonas?**

_Noooo, with the totally coolieo Jojo._

_Ooooh, lookie!_

**At what?**

_That! _

Hi guys! Look what I bought!

**Alice, you are the worst sister anyone could have.**

Ooh, that's cold, dude.

_Its...it's..._

It's a pillow!

_Yeah but it's shaped like a bagel!!_

**A/N: I saw a pillow shaped like a doughnut when I was back 2 school clothes shopping. And I was like, "OMG! Bella could get a bagel pillow!" So ya. And I was watching the best of both worlds Hannah Montana Concert in 3-D. I dunno, I just like her music. **

**Disclaimer:I don't own Twilight, Year 3000 by the Jonas Brothers, Leave (Get out) by Jojo, Best of Both Worlds, Hannah Montana, or the totally hot Nick Jonas (Unfortunatly.) . I DO own my opinion that Kevin is ugly, Joe's fine, but Nick...Nick is just plain shmexy. :D Edward's hotter though...**


	57. Obsessed

_Nick._

Who?

_Nick Jonas. Dude, he's like...steamy._

Edward told me you were obsessing.

_I am not!_

**Hey love. What's up?**

Oh, nothing Edward.

_HEY!_

Lol...

**So what's up, Bella?**

_Oh, Ed. You must learn to say supp. It is the slang of next week._

Oooh, Jingle, does Nick use supp?

_Well, he is shmexy enough._

**Ahem?**

_What?_

**Don't fantisize about boys when your husband is here.**

_Oh Eddy, you know I'm not going to go off and have an affair with him._

I might though.

_oooh, I'm telling Jazz-hands._

**...**

_Oohh, someone ain't a happy camper!_

OMG, J!

_Ya?_

It's the Nick J show!

_With a special guest, JOE!_

Ooh, Joe is steamy.

_NUH UH! It's totally Nick._

_No way, girls. Kevin's da bomb._

_Nick!_

Kevin!

_How? He's got like...uglyocity._

**Like Peter Pan's hat?**

_Exactly! Ed?_

**Yes?**

_Who's hotter? Nick, Joe, or Kevin?_

**...You seriously expect me to answer that?**

_Well, yeah._

**Then...Nick.**

_BURNAGE! Now let's eat like goldfish on a diet!_

_Umm...wouldn't a goldfish on a diet eat like, nothing?_

_That's the point._

Oh.

_Or, we could just eat some bagels._

Okayz!

**A/N: OMG the Nick Jonas show made me laugh so hard...you have GOT to watch it... I love how they act like normal teenagers. And in Anger, Joe is like expressionless... it's hilarious... then how to work a soda machine, and in Jonasbrothers.tv starts monday, you can see Kevin with the camera in the mirror... I'm addicted... XD And in like all of them Joe's like "Awkward!" And Kevins in the shower... Seriously... The user on youtube JonasBrothersMusic... ya. Search it. And jonas brothers - update! from JonasBrothersMusic...Joe's in the curtain and...lollollol...yeah.**


	58. Cheaper to keep her!

_I had a near death experiance today._

**Oh god. Let me have it.**

_A butterfly flew into my mouth._

**And what, you choked on it?**

_No, I felt it fluttering down through my throught..._

**Right.**

_It woulda been cheaper to keep her around!_

**What?**

_Living with a crazy wiiife, beats an empty bank account!_

**I think I've learned enough not to question you any more.**

_Awwww, but it provides the wonderful chicken wing, posseum, and bumble bre in the sky with something to do!_

**Umm...where did a posseum come into this?**

_Well, silly, she is the one who is delivering this package of insanity to the glorious readers abroad._

**Insanity is right.**

_UH OH! _

**What?**

_School starts tomorrow!_

**I am aware.**

_EEKKLLESS!_

**It isn't that frightening.**

_It is when your going to have the strictest teacher in the school!_

**I'll protect you.**

_I don't think you can._

**And why not?**

_She's scary._

**And I am a vampire.**

_But I heard she tourtures students who fail her class with bagels!_

**I don't want to know...**

**A/N: Many things today.**

**1. My name shall not be disclosed. **

**2.The Cheaper to Keep Her thing is Aaron Lines. We went to his show at the paris fair. **

**3. The strict teacher thing...I'm in grade eight this year. And in my school, it's easy to predict who you get. One teacher has the kids who learn one way, and the other one gets the other students. I know which one I'll get, and she's supposedly the strictest teacher in school. Yikes... **

**4. Hi MEWANTEDWARDANDJACOB...**

**5. I never answer reveiws. Mainly because I have like 600 and I kept forgetting where I was. So I'm not ignoring you. If you put up lots of reviews like MEWANTEDWARDANDJACOB, then I mention you. Like this : Thanks MEWANTEDWARDANDJACOB, for so many spiffy reviews! See how that works? XD I'm just a little insane.**

**6. MEWANTEDWARDANDJACOB can take the credit for the butterfly thing. **


	59. Midnight sun CANCELLED? Read bottem AN

_OH COOTEY MUFFINS!_

**What?**

_The day was out to get me._

**What happened?**

_Remember how I was going to get the one teacher?_

**Yes...**

_I got the other one._

**I know. So did I.**

_DID YOUR EYES HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT?_

**...I choose not to answer that.**

_Oh wellz. You izzzzzzz sexy!_

**I know. **

_SEXINESS IS NOT APPLAUDED!_

**Since when?**

_Since now Mrs. Kirsten is lusting after my man!_

**Ah, I see.**

_No you don't. The face bandit is back._

**No way. Not starting that again.**

_We never finished our convoooooooooo!_

**And what was that?**

_My bad day._

**Okay, what else happened?**

_I was gonna meet Jess at the crossing guard dude, right?_

**Yes, I remember.**

_But Grizz tried to run away. So I had to catch him._

**That isn't so bad.**

_It gets worse. So then it was too late to walk, and I decided to rollar blade._

**Oh Bella!**

_Relax! Anywho, the liner wouldn't fit in. So I had to find my bike. But that was hidden in Charlie's new garage, and I couldn't find the key._

**Wow...**

_AND! I found it, got halfway to the place, and the chain falls off._

**I knew I shouldn't have left.**

_THEN! I got home with Jess, and we look online. Y'know Stephanie Meyer?_

**The stalker?**

_Ya. Well, she was gonna write her first book from your point of veiw._

**Joy.**

_BUT SOMEONE ILLIGALLY POSTED THE ROUGH DRAFT ONLINE!_

**So?**

_The project is cancelled._

**What was the book called?**

_Midnight Sun._

**A lovely title gone to waste.**

_Yah. So all in all, a terrible day. I DIDN'T EVEN GET ONE BAGEL!_

**A/n: OMG grade eight is a hell hole. I had like five pages of homework on the first day...bleh. Anyway, this is all true. I need a list of insperations...**

**1. I didn't get the teacher I was sure I would, a new kid shifted the list. And Mrs. Kirsten is our new princabal.**

**2. Go to Stephanie's site! It's true! Midnight sun is cancelled! I literally cried! Some jerk ruined it for everyone! Let's go pelt them with raw onions, shall we?**

**3. That was my horrible day that was listed. Exept, it wasn't Jess, but Chicken Wing.**

**4. We have called ourselves the insane train. (Me, Bumble Bre, and chicken wing) I called being driver, we decided Bre was the middle part with the coal, and chicken wing goes "And I'm the caboose, cause I'm sexy!" and I look at her and shout "Sexiness is not applauded!" it was funny at the time. Soooooo, ya.**


	60. My kisses!

_Veggie tales, veggie tales! Does what ever a veggie tale does! Oh wait...wrong song...ZOMG IT RHYMES!!_

**What in the world...?**

_Oh Eddy-poo! The day tried to eat me again!_

**I thought we were past the nicknames.**

_Naw, the chicken wing and possuem, almighty gods of the names of nick, said Eddy-poo would make a comeback!_

**...I won't even try to understand. **

_I have a story!_

**...okay...**

_I was looking in the new spiffy textbook-_

**The ones with the green cover?**

_Yah. Anywho, there was this picture of this tribal kenyan dude, right?_

**I don't see the signifacence.**

_SHUT UP! Anyway, he was talking on a cellphone!_

**Really?**

_  
Yah. _

**Wow. Talk about unaccurate.**

_Secrets, secrets, are no fun, secrets, secrets, hurt someone!_

**What?**

_LET'S BOOGEY LIKE WE HAVE A COLD!_

**Vampires don't get colds.**

_Well...then boogey like I sneezed on you!_

**Wait, why would you sneeze on me?**

_Cause I had a cold!_

**You have a cold? Do you need medicene?**

_You are being very daft._

**No, you are.**

_ARE YOU CALLING ME SHORT?_

**Uh...no?**

_To bad for you! No kisses!_

**Wait, why?**

_The cookie monster stole them!_

**What use would a cookie monster have for my kisses?**

_Since when do they belong to you?_

**Who else would they belong to?**

_Alice._

**  
What??**

_I kissed a girl!_

**What are you talking about??**

_And I liked it!_

**I thought you...wait, isn't that the song you and Alice were singing yesterday...?**

_Meh beee..._

**Goodness Bella, you almost gave me a heart attack.**

I_ didn't!_

**Then who did?**

_Bagel McBagelpants._

**A/N: Something is making me VERY upset. There is a lovely story on this site with very few reviews. Please go and read Trricia's story, 'I love you'. Okay? Cause I'll be mad if you don't, and if I'm mad, I do short, sucky little chapters. And credit for the cell phone thing goes to Aden101! AND! MIDNIGHT SUN IS "ON HOLD INDEFINATLY" WHICH MEANS FOREVER. Just wanted to clear that up. **


	61. Druuuuuunk

**Umm, Bella, why are you drinking your Kool Aid backwords?**

_It died!_

**What? Alice, translation?**

She poked her straw into the jamma, then it went through to the bottom.

_Hence the dead status, Edward._

Hey Bella, let's go to a concert!

**- A half hour later Emmett and Bella are standing in a crowd next to a large speaker.-**

_Is this such a great idea, Lemon?_

Yes...yes it is.

**-The concert is soon over, leaving Bella with a massive headache. Emmett has come prepared. A bottle of Tylonal, with a fake label.**

**"If you have just come from a rock concert, take ten?" Bella read aloud. "You sure, Emmett?" Emmett smiled innocently and handed the 'required' amount. **

**"I'm human savvy!" Bella shrugged, downing it quickly. It wasn't long before the drugs kicked in.-**

_Ed?_

**Don't call me that.**

_OMC you don't love me!_

**Bella? What? No! Stop crying!**

_Jazzy!_

_**Yes?**_

_You dawdled!_

_**And the connection is? **_

_You's a duck!_

_**I think you mean waddled.**_

_Naws, dawdled. _

_**Bella? Are you on crack? You feel...high...WEEE!!**_

_JASPER VOLTURI!_

_**Have the cups invaded again??**_

_Naw, I just love you!_

_**Oh me gee! They made your brain wishy washy like!**_

**Emmett. What did you do to Bella?**

Nothing! She had a headache, I gave her meds. 

**How...many?**

Uh...just the requied...ten or something...

**Emmett!**

_Oh no Jazzy you got poopy in yo pants!_

_**Oh nooooooooo! You stole my toooooooooooe!!**_

_No! The Bumble Bre did._

**Theres one thing I never understood.**

_What's that, luuuuuuuver?_

**Why does this "Bumble Bre" steal...human appendages?**

_Why, the chicken wing stole hers of course!_

**Of course...**

_JAZZY WAZZY WITH THE FRAZZY HAIRY-AZZY!_

_**YES BELLY-WELLY WITH THE SMELLY FEET-Y-ELLY!**_

_Let's have a bagel related incedent!_

_**I'm in da game, sista!**_

**A/N: Sorry! I'm a figure skater and I kinda had...an accident. My left blade sliced my right thigh. So I've been like...MIA. So don't be suprised if things remain un updated for a bit, not long, like a week. I'll try, but...whatevs. **

**ALSO! ****I am registered as a Beta Reader, so...you know the drill. XD.**

**Insperation list:**

**1. The joys of lunch. I was drinking my Kool-Aid Jammer, and stuck the straw in. But it went to far...I ended up plugging up the hole in the top, and drinking through the bottem. Everyone was laughing at me. **

**2. The dawdled waddled thing was a resault of pain meds for my leg. My mom says as my bro walks through the door "Young man you dawdled!" And I ws like "Yeah like a duck!" Then I realized that was wrong...yeah**

**3. Everything else was Chicken wings making. ADIOS!**


	62. HIS, lemontoes!

_**Jacob**_

_Because of the llama!_

**Err...did I miss something?**

_His eyes are on the tip of my tounge!_

**...who's eyes??**

_HIS. The infamous him._

**Him, eh?**

_Yepz. Did you know she's got a country in her jeans?_

**Which country?**

_Your country!_

_**That sounded all kinds of wrong.**_

_Wolf!! How did you get in here?_

_**I have my ways.**_

_By ways, do you mean a monkey on a unicycle?_

_**...sure.**_

**Go away, mutt. You're stinking up the house. We don't want you here.**

_**Well too bad, cuz I want to be here, cause I'm just that cool. **_

_His eyes are on the tip of my tounge, Edward!_

**Whose?**

_HIS. We have established this lemon-toes._

**...Lemon-toes?**

_Don't complain. Jakey's name of nick is Bagel-brain_

_**...I don't want to be here anymore.**_

**A/N: ****MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK HERE PEOPLE! I would appreciate some ideas??**** (Chicken Wing, write your dang ideas down if you want me to use them!!) And I have an idea to try and cure my lil problem: The person who reviews most wins a luverly apperance in my next chapter. Or one soon. I'll tell ya. Yay! Also, you might have noticed Diary of a cooks assistant has been deleated. This is because I am changing it from a twilight fic to an origanal story, by changing the names and looks, and rewriting it in non-diary form. It'll be on fictionpress when I get around to finishing it, under the same penname that I have here. The reason for the switch is that it was too hard to write in diary form AND have my lovely Edward made out to be a jerk in the beggining. La la la!**

**Well, this is a long story. My mom was singing Loretta Lynn in the car one day. So she goes "Goodbyes are on the tip of my tounge!" And my six-year-old brother goes "Whose eyes are on the tip of her tounge? Wouldn't that sting?" And he thought it was "His eyes are on the tip of my tounge" So now we refer to Loretta Lynn as the eyeball eater. And my mom sung " I've got country in my genes!" And my ten-year-old brother goes "Which country does she have in her jeans??" And I answered "YOUR COUNTRY!" And mom goes "That sounded all kinds of wrong" We're insane XD Sorry for the massive authors note. Anyone who read it all can put MEEP! in their reveiw and get inserted into an upcoming chapter.**


	63. Spongebob is so peverted

_ALICE!_

Yeah?

_Do you have a whistly hole?_

A what?

_Whistly hole._

Err...no.

_So you have a whirly stick then?_

What are you talking about!?

_Spongebob is a perverted bagel._

**A/N: I know you were expecting the usercharactor story, but this HAD to happen. Okay, so we (Chicken Wing and Bumble Bre and Me) were watching spongebob. And he goes "The jellyfish enjoy going in my whistly hole" and us,(Chicken wing and me) being the peverted people we are, decided he meant he had a ceirtain female element, and the jellyfish going inside it was a subliminal message about sexual intercourse. The bumble bre didn't get it. We took like half an hour trying to drop enough hints, then she got it and was like "EWWW!!" And so now we tease her about Emmett enjoying her whistly hole. XD I have my four additions to my next chappie. If you meet the qualifications from the last chapter, you may still have a chance...**


	64. Fangirls, much?

**Winners:**

**For most reviews:**

**freak0star**

**AnimeAvatarVampirelover49**

**secret-mystery**

**twilight-nm-ecps**

**iheartjasper**

**pearberry14**

**ktkitty4**

**twilightaddict13**

**For the MEEP challenge:**

**lexi64111**

**MooWithTheCookieMonster**

**TheNextCullen332**

**killer-kitty99**

**People on BOTH LISTS!**

**Aden101**

**MEWANTEDWARDANDJACOB**

**SiriusEdward39**

**Imma break the list up, cause I can't just choose one most reviewer, it's too hard, and lots of people actually READ my authors note, which made me very very happy. So! Today's features are:**

**Aden101- Adrienne (I did some research)**

**MEWANTEDWARDANDJACOB- Joe (Don't ask...)**

**SiriusEdward39- Bob (Don't ask either)**

**Yes, they are all girls.**

_Bob_ _**Adrienne**_ _**Joe **_

_Hey, Eddy?_

**Yes?**

_There's someone...someoneS to see you!!_

**If it's Jessica, tell her I know that pie has the date rape drug in it.**

_Oh Eddy, Jessica isn't as cool as these people!_

**-She opens the door, and three girls walk in-**

_**EEEEEE!! IT'S EDWARD CULLEN!!**_

_**IT IS OMG!**_

_Uh, why do you insist we write notes?_

_Cause we can!_

**Err...hello, I'm Edward Cullen, and you are...?**

_Oh I'm Bob._

_**I'm Joe.**_

_**And I'm Adrienne.**_

_Well I'm Bella and that's MY man you're drooling on!_

_Woops, my bad..._

_**Wait, Edward?**_

**Erm...yes?**

_**Are you an evil butterfly in disguise?**_

**...not that I know of.**

_**CAN I KISS YOU?**_

**No.**

_OMG IT'S JASPER! AND EMMETT! _

_**OMGOMGOMGOMGIT'SCARLISLEOMGPLZDATEMEILUVYOUAAAHHHH!!**_

Dude...why is this girl hugging me?

_S'Cuz they love you, Emmy poo._

**Am I no longer important?**

_**Dude. It's Carlisle. He beats you like...totally.**_

_**He does not! Jasper beats Eddy!**_

_No way gals. Make way for EMMETT CULLEN!!_

_**How dare you!**_

_**GRRRRR!!**_

_Eep!_

**-They pounce on each other, fighting and clawing until they fall out of a window-**

_Uh...fan girls much?_

Gosh...those people don't understand that we're MARRIED!

**Exactly!**

_Well, it's not their fault you're so luvable. LIKE A BAGEL_

**A/N: Now, I don't wanna hear "Oh, I review so many times why arn't I on the list?!" And sorry if the people you obsessed about weren't your people, it just made the story work for me. Mmkays?**


	65. I'm the bee's knees!

_I am coolieo!_

**Um, you're what?**

_I'm the bee's knees!_

Hey guys, have you seen my toenail collection?

**You don't have one, Jasper does.**

Yes I do!

_Do bee's have knees?_

**I don't know love.**

Well I do so and you stole it!

_Well if a bee doesn't have knees, how am I the bee's knees?_

**I'm not entirely sure.**

Tell me where the toenails are!

_Can I be the skunk's tail then?_

WHERE ARE THEY?

**If you want, love...but why would you want to?**

_I guess it would stink..._

What about the toenails?!

**So what do you want to be?**

_The tree's leaves?_

Give me the toenails god dangit!

**Hmm...how about something involving the bagels you love so much?**

_GENIOSITY!_

GIVE ME THE NAILS GOD DAM-

**Alice!**

DANGIT!

_The bagels don't approve! _

JUST GIVE ME MY COLLECTION!

**So what would you like to be, love?**

_Hmm... the bagel's butter!_

**Sounds...great.**

Where. Are. The. Toenails.?

_Oh, that box I saw on your bed?_

...WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

**Don't shout at my wife! **

_Yeah! The bagel's butter has standards!_

**A/N: I THINK I'm proud to say Bumble Bre and Chicken Wing helped with this, when we had a sleepover once. The whole bee's knees convo happened there. PEACE OUT!**


	66. KING KONG AND THE CLOCK

_Eddyeddyeddyeddyeddy IGOTSAJOKE!!_

**Let's hear it...**

_Okayz this one is supa funny, like bagel-level._

**Okay...**

_What do say before you start a meeting with ghosts?_

"**You can join the party too."?**

_Nooooo...oh 'cuz of my "Angela is a witch so she can join da PARTAY."?_

**...What's the answer?**

_Please be sheeted!_

**...ummm... ha ha?**

_Oooooh I got a funny nursery rhyme!_

**Oh dear lord...**

_Hickory dickory dock..._

**The mouse ran up the clock?**

_NOOOOOO! KING KONG ran up the clock!_

**Never heard that version before...**

_I AIN'T FINISHED._

**I'm ****not**** finished.**

_I'm the one talking here!_

**Uhh...**

_Okay! So the end is..._

**Go on...**

_Now the clock is being repaired._

**-She falls over laughing her head off.-**

**Who told you those...hilarous jokes?**

_I got a jokey doke book!_

**From who?**

_Aly-poo!_

**She's dead to me.**

_She's dead to EVERYONE Eddy. So are you._

**...not what I meant.**

_CAN I TELL YOU ONE MORE!?_

**Go ahead...**

_What the differance between a person with a cold and a prized fighter?_

**One's human and one's Emmett?**

_NOOOO!! One blows his nose and one knows his blows!_

**...Alice is going doooooown...**

_Don't blame Alice! Blame the bagels! HEY! Why do seagulls fly over the sea?_

**Uh, to eat?**

_No. If they flew over the bay, they'd be BAGELS!!_

**A/N: OMG, my friend (Chicken wing) has a joke book that's super old, and she keeps telling us terrible jokes. Those jokes (not the bagel one) were from it... bleh. ****READ MY NEW STORY THE JASPER AND THE ED!!**


	67. Another Bella!

_**Spanish Class**_

_Edward!_

**What?**

_Why is Spanish so...not English?_

**Because in-**

_I have lost intrest in this subject_.

**I see.**

_Why is she talking all frenchie?_

**Love, that's Spanish.**

_Nuh uh!_

**You see, since-**

_My intrest is gone again._

**...Okay.**

_What's she saying?_

" **Bella, please stop the notes of love to Edward or you shall be in much trouble"**

_There's another Bella and Edward in class?_

**...Sure.**

_They should quit before they get in trouble!_

**Yes. Yes they should.**

_Why is she pointing at me? What's she saying?_

"**Bella, you must wait in the hall. You are disruppting my class. I shall deal with you later."**

_Ooooh, I knew that other Bella should have stopped! What does she look like?_

**Gorgeous brown eyes...luscous chestnut hair...creamy white skin...succulent blood running through her veins...mmm... I havn't been hunting in sooo long.**

_Hey! Don't crush on other girls!_

**She's the love of my life.**

_NOOOOO- wait, you arn't alive._

**Existance, exuse me. **

_  
Okay then NOOOOOOOOOOOO-_

**Bella?**

_Yes?_

**What do you look like?**

_Brown eyes, brown hair, white skin, blood you like. But I don't see what that has to do with anything_

**...you don't get it, do you?**

_What's Ms Teacher-Lady saying now?_

"**Edward and Bella, detention."**

_That other Bella that you love is in troooooooouble!_

**God. Bella! It's you!**

_What?_

**There's no other Bella!**

_Aww snap! I have detention?_

**Yes.**

_Oh well, I'll bring a bagel._

**  
A/n: Sorry for the massive time between updates. Life is hectic. But I havn't forgotten about you, don't worry. Soo...yeahz. OMG, I need to vent. **

**I have this friend, right? Anyway, I was telling Bumble Bre my new combination, and my other friend...lets call her Lauren. Lauren listened in, and says "I know your combo!" And I didn't really care, cause I trusted her. Well, another friend of mine comes up to me telling me Lauren was giving my combo to people! Needless to say, I hate her right now, and my mom's out right now getting me a new lock. Sheesh. **

**Srry for the long authors note. Anyway, I wrote this in french class. Cause this guy was all playing with the counters on his desk for bingo, and the french teach goes "Ne touche pas!" (sp?) and the guy turns to the person beside him and goes "What is she saying? Why is she pointing at me??" So yeah. **


	68. Molesting people via Runescape

**A/N: Remember those chappys I owe people? Yeah. Heres one. I don't own Runescape. And if you didn't know, it's an online rpg, where you get to kill monsters and such. There is even a challenge in which you must destroy a vampire with garlic XD**

**lexi64111- Twi-tastic**

**MooWithTheCookieMonster-Fanpire103**

**TheNextCullen332-Twihard332**

**killer-kitty99- Ihatetwilght99**

--

**Bella...get off that before you burn your eyes off.**

_  
NOoOOoOOooOOOOo!!IT IS MY SANCTUARY!_

**  
It is a stupid game. Off, now.**

_When did YOU become the boss?_

**Since you discovered this ridiculous site. Off it.**

_NeveeerR! Look, I made some new friends! Log on!_

**No, I will not bring myself to such low levels.**

_Pweese Eddykins?_

**Not the eyes!!**

_-doe eyes-_

**Fine! Five minutes, that's all you get!**

_YAY!_

**-On Runescape-**

**Edwardcullenizdabomb has logged on**

**Bellaswanisdelusionalifshethinksillbehere4long has logged on**

**Edwardcullenizdabomb:** I resmeble that remark!

**Bellaswanisdelusionalifshethinksillbehere4long:** What remark?

**Edwardcullenizdabomb:** The remark your username has presented to us!

**Bellaswanisdelusionalifshethinksillbehere4long:** ...okay.

**Twi-tastic has logged on**

**Fanpire103 has logged on**

**Twihard332 has logged on**

**Ihatetwilght99 has logged on**

**Edwardcullenizdabomb:** Heyy peeps!

**Twi-tastic: **Hello n00b.

**Edwardcullenizdabomb:** See Edward? They gived me a nickname already!

**Bellaswanisdelusionalifshethinksillbehere4long: **Love, that's an insult.

**Edwardcullenizdabomb:** Oh shut it Mr. I'mEdwardCullenSoIMustKnowEverything.

**Fanpire103: **Wowz iz he really EDWARD CULLEN!

**Twihard332: **...Why do you care? He's ugly, and a...leech! Jacob black is the way to go.

**Ihatetwilght99:** They both are losers. That whole book is bogus.

**Bellaswanisdelusionalifshethinksillbehere4long: **I see they've read Stephenie Meyer's ridiculas randition of our lives.

**Edwardcullenizdabomb:** Yupperz!

**Twi-tastic: **Oh they are such posers!

**Fanpire103: **Yeah, the real Edward would be typing sexily.

**Bellaswanisdelusionalifshethinksillbehere4long: **Who said I wasn't typing sexily??

**Fanpire103: **ARE YOU INSINUATING YOU ARE MOLESTING ME VIA RUNESCAPE?

**Bellaswanisdelusionalifshethinksillbehere4long: **No, I just-

**Edwardcullenizdabomb:** EDWARD! I NEED MORE TAMPONS!

**Bellaswanisdelusionalifshethinksillbehere4long: **Erm...my five minutes are up. Goodbye

**Bellaswanisdelusionalifshethinksillbehere4long has logged out**

**Twi-tastic has logged out**

**Fanpire103 has logged out**

**Twihard332 has logged out**

**Ihatetwilght99** **has logged out**

**Edwardcullenizdabomb: **ALONE! THE AGGGONY! Wait, Eddypoo is right beside me! I shall speaketh to him!

**Edwardcullenizdabomb has logged out**

**-Back in the notes-**

**That was a hellish experiance.**

_I still need tampons._

**...Goodbye.**

_Oh bagels. ALICE!_

**A/N: That made me giggle. REVIEW! ONLY A FEW MORE TILL 1000!**


	69. Sex with a Smurf

_I have come across a very disturbing pattern._

**What is it now, love?**

_Everything starting with S is missing..._

**...like what?**

_Spoons, silverware, socks! Tampons!_

**Tampons don't start with S.**

_But they are Super nose plugs._

**...I really, **_**really**_** don't want to know.**

_But anyway, I think I know what's happening._

**What?**

_A Smurf is stealing stuff that starts with S!_

**I never want to see an S again.**

_Not even a ceirtain S word that I want?_

**What would that be?**

_SEX!_

**...**

_OMG! That's why you won't do it with me! The smurf has stolen your sex!_

**God Bella, my reasons for not having sex with you have nothing to do with a Smurf.**

_BUT WHAT IF YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH THE SMURF?_

**Where would I even get said Smurf?**

_From the Smurf Surf Shack._

**...I am not cheating on you with any small blue creatures.**

_OMG YOU DIED THE SMURF RED!_

**Why would I do that?**

_So you can be all hush hush about it._

**What will prove to you I'm not cheating on you with a smurf?**

_Finding a ceirtain S word for me?_

**Okay, I'll find your socks.**

_I IZ NOT INTERESTED IN FOOTWEAR! I WANT TO WEAR-_

**Let's not get too graphic.**

_Still. Ooooh!! Can I be a smurf?_

**Why would you want to be a smurf?**

_Two reasons. One, I could have hot and wild sex with you,-_

**I am not cheating on you with a smurf!**

_And two I'd get a BAGEL! _

**A/N: Me and my mom were having the smurf stealing stuff convo when my dad walks in and she starts accusing him of making out with the smurf. Good times, good times. The last chapters idea was from someone who posted anonymously under "Bob"**


	70. Sexy Pencils and Freeeedrick!

_EDWARD! Where'd you get that?!_

**What?**

_The sexy pencil!_

**The...what??**

_The sexy pencil._

**Where do you see a sexy pencil?**

_In your hand._

**This is considered sexy?**

_Yup._

**  
Why?**

_Well...it's silver, as if it's the pale ones of the pencil world. Plus it goes all rainbow sparkley-ish! It's like...A VAMPIRE PENCIL!_

**...a vampire pencil?**

_Yes. BE CAREFUL EDDY OR YOU'LL GET TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE TOO!_

**I'm already a vampire, Bella.**

_Well... your hair will be all grey ish and we can stand you on your head to write with it._

**...What!?**

_Yuh-huh. Hey, if I had a gnome, I'd name him Fredrick. Cuz then he could come waddling up and say "Freeeeeeeedrick!" _

**O-okay, a little off topic...**

_Y'know what? Since I'm the birthday girl, you gotta get a pink mohawk and put a rainbow monkey on it!_

**But it isn't your birthday.**

_  
Well then it's...umm... Mista Gnomey's birthday._

**Who's Mista Gnomey?**

_Well, Poss's brother of course!_

**...okay.**

_And as birthday boy, he hath comanded that you splat a pie in your face._

**Okay, one day months from now I will suddenly remember a little (imaginary) boy commanded me to splat a pie in my face, and I will splat it on my face.**

_YAY! Eddy is obeying Mista Gnomey's commands!_

**Have you ever heard of sarcasm?**

_Nope. Mista Gnomey says you must now be sad._

**...I'd rather get back to the subject of sexy vampire pencils.**

_CAN I HAVE A SEXY PENCIL? I'LL TRADE YOU A BAGEL FOR ONE!_

**...**

**  
A/N: OMG, that was so fun to write. I have a few insperations for this one.**

**1. Sexy pencils...oh god this is funny. Me and Bumble Bre were getting a card signed for a teacher, and a boy was signing it, with my awesome silver sparkle pencil, and he looks at the pencil and goes "This is a sexy pencil. I wish I was as sexy as this pencil." And we cracked up. (Note to Bumble Bre and Chicken wing: It's Big Mac who said that, remember his sexy song? XD)**

**2. Okay, it was my brothers b-day yesterday (hence Mista Gnomey), and we went to a mini golf place. So, we paid extra to have a host. He was this hot teenager XD. He was sooo funny! The Fredrick the gnome thing was from him, and pretty much the rest of Bella's lines were based on my bro. The one from Edward about splating pie was the host. The rest of the time, my bro comanded he be sad, so he sat on a chair and started pouting. It was so funny. He drew the guy with the mohawk, and was like "So here he is, but he doesnt see the rainbow monkey, so he's happy, but then he sees it, so he gets all mad, and now he's crying, and now he's on fire. And then he grew fangs." He was funny. Review and...stuff. **


	71. Jedward? & Note for Chicken wing in AN!

_Dude, who cares?_

**Erm, who cares about what?**

_The cucumber of a circle._

**The...what of a circle?!**

_Cucumber._

**Oh, you mean circumfrance?**

_Yeah, that. I mean, that essay on whether hunting is right or not for english, people can care about that! But the church of a circle?_

**Circumfrance.**

_That's what I said. _

**Well, it's important to some people.**

_Like who._

**Like...today, when I was buying- I mean...resizing...- a ring for you, he needed to know the distance around your finger.**

_...EDWARD ANTHONY MASON CULLEN!_

**Yes love?**

_Uhm...where was I going with this?_

**I have no idea.**

_Oh poop. NEW SUBJECT!_

**Like what, love?**

_Like...why can't we do circumfrance of a square?_

**...It just doesn't work that way.**

_Squares are better than circles!_

**How?**

_Just...cuz. _

**I see.**

_Hey, did you know that stars are little pieces of tin foil in the sky?_

**...who told you that?**

_Alice._

**She hasn't been involved in these notes latly, has she?**

_Well now she will be!_

Okay Swan, I will murder you if you stab me with the dang paper ever-

_Ally-poo-poo?_

Yeah?

_Guess what!_

What?

_Y'know how people talk about a Zorse?_

Yeah, those things are uber cool.

_Well, can we make a Jedward?_

A Jedward?

_Yeah, make Edward and Jasper mate to create a mix?_

**EXUSE ME??**

That'd be a little hard.

_Yup._

**Uh, not aproving over here!!**

_Well, we could force them to...y'know, mate._

You couldn't, but I can.

**No! No no no no!**

_Oh Eddy, hasn't it been established that it doesn't matter what you think?_

**Unfortunatly, yes.**

Well, we could like, chain them up?

_Vampires can break metal._

Crap.

**There's only one person who would agree with me at this point.**

_**Edward, why is there now a pencil lodged in my arm?**_

**They're going to force us to mate to create a hybrid named a Jedward.**

_**Hey, why is your name there and I'm just a letter!!**_

**...That's kind of besides the point at the moment. And also an Edspar is kinda weird. And so is Easper. Or EJasper.**

_**Eh, I guess you're right. Wait...where did they go?**_

**Hey, look! They were writing on a seprate note.**

**-Bella and Alice's secret note-**

Isn't Jasper so cute when he writes?

_...no. But Edward is. And when his face is twisted with fear and disgust._

Which is why we shall make a Jedward.

_Yups. _

So, how shall we do it?

_Umm, well we can't really force them to...mate._

Yeah, cuz they don't have the right equipment. Plus Jazzy wouldn't look as hot with a big belly.

_Neither would Edward._

Soo...lets take a strand off each their heads, and go genetically- mutate-afy it.

_Okay! TO THE ZOO! Wait...can we pick up a bagel on the way?_

Ch'yeah!

**A/N: Okay, Chicken Wing if you don't read #2 I'll be MAD. Grr.**

**1. Dudes, I'm a Beta reader now, so if you want me to check over your work... you know what to do XD. Plus I wanna find a good story to read on here, so if you write, please tell me to read your story. Cuz I will and stuff. **

**(Go to 3 if you arn't chicken wing. And Chicken Wing better read this. Grr.)**

**2. Oh chicken wing, Bumble Bre is mad at you, not me! Youz mi friend. Just not Bre's. She's forgiving Ash to replace you, apperantly. You know how she gets. But we're still friends...right? Which is the whole thought process about the bumper sticker, "I don't forgive people because I'm weak, I forgive them because I'm strong enough to know people make mistakes". I thought you'd clue in that I forgived you! Also the dang gmail letter saying I want to be dang friends!**

**3. Okay, for the rest of fan fiction. We were doing circumfrance and I was all like who cares. Then we had english, and when I was assigned this essay, I used my library period to do research. I found out that Zorses are called something else more commonly, and those are real animals and also endangered, cuz of hunting, which was why I was on the site in the first place. Any who, I was thinking about combining Eddy and Jazzy cuz chicken wing likes Jazz and I like Eddy, so it'd be like the perfect thing. So yeah. Sorry about the other thing, I just needed to say that to her and I couldn't think of any other way. Kayz, sorry sorry sorry for the huge A/N. Luv ya all!**


	72. OWIE!

**Some random hospital**

_Owie._

**Love, don't worry, Emmett is going to be in so much trouble that he'll never taste grizly blood again.**

_All I can say is owiiiiiie!_

**I'd hug you but it'd make it hurt more.**

_I repeat, OWIE!_

OMG I came as soon as I could. What happened???

**Emmett decided he would try to be a human and cook Bella soup. After an argument, not thinking, as per the usual with him, dumped it on her stomach. **

_OWIE_

**We know love.**

Wow.

_What's the emergancy I had to cancel my hair appointment for?_

Emmett burned Bella.

_...I CANCELLED HENRY FOR THAT!?!?! HE FLEW IN FROM PARIS FOR MY HAIR! AND I CANCEL BECAUSE A HUMAN GOT HURT???!_

_...owie. I a toast._

**And how do you figure that?**

_Cuz I'm burnded._

**And that relates to toast how?**

_S'cuz you burned my toast yesterday. TOASTY NOODLE!_

**...Right. Where's Carlisle?**

_IN TOASTY SPACE!!!EEEEE! IT IS ZEE BUMBLE BRE!_

**Not this again!**

_Oh luveerrrrr, you still have the princess pat!_

**...Who?**

Ooh I know this one! It's a ricky bamboo!

**A ricky bamboo?**

_Now what is that?_

_IT'S SOMETHING MADE BY THE PRINCESS PAT!_

It's red and gold! And purple too! Though that would be a disaster waiting to happen if we were speaking of the fashion world.

_That's why it's called a ricky bamboo!_

**...Um, exactly how much pain medication did you take? **

_Oh just enough Eddy deer!_

**...you mean dear.**

_  
No, deer. _

**Right.**

_I'm being swallowed by a boa-constrictor, a boa-constrictor, a boa-constrictor, I'm being swallowed by a boa-constrictor, And I don't like it one little bit._

**I wouldn't either, love. But there are no snakes in this hospital. **

_No snakes, only monsters! Grrr! Can I be a monster Eddy poop?_

**No.**

_Then I'm being swallowed by a boa-constrictor! Oh, no, he's got my toe!_

OH NOES!!!

**Alice, are you just out to get me or something?**

GRRRZZ!

_Oh gee, he's up to my knee!_

EEEE!!!

_Oh, my, he's reached my thigh!_

WHY OH WHY OH WHY!

_Oh fiddle, he's up to my middle!_

Oh...I can't think of anything else to rhyme with middle...

_Oh heck, he's up to my neck!_

THIS DATE IS A WREAK!

_Oh...wait, date?_

Oooh rhyme!

_Oh dread, He's got my . . . -gulp!-_

**Bella? Why are you pretending to be dead?**

_Oh fickle little Eddy Poo, don't you see? A boa-constrictor has swallowed me!_

**Why did you rhyme? Please don't tell me-**

_The Chicken wing toooold me to. And now I wanna eat your shoe!_

**Greeeat. More imaginary creatures giving you directions.**

_They aren't imaginary! They just aren't a canary!_

**Go to sleep now love.**

_Your love is a dove, and your hair is a bear! OOH!_

**Why are you pulling my hair?**

_It's an irritated grizzly! The town of Forks sure is drizzly!_

**Bed now.**

_Neva red peppa!_

**Oh nuuuurse!**

_Nooo!!! NO NEEDLE! EEEEEE!!!!!!_

**Finally. Now who's up for some murder Emmett tag?**

_Me!_

Me! Oh, Bella would want me to say something about bagels to signal the end of the note.

**And what do you suggest my dear sister?**

BAGELS BITE!!!GGRRRZZZ!!!!!

**A/N: Well, my brother has really bad burns on his stomach because he accidently poured boiling water on himself. Bleh. They're like 2nd degree and it was like OMG cuz there was an ambulance and he was screaming and yeah. And on top of it all, someone who I THOUGHT was my friend, let's call her... Crud-stine, was a very meenie about it. She was rude and was all "Well my boyfriend breaking up with me is ssoooooo much worse" and I was all "No, hes in the hospital and shes like "Drama queen" and...yeah. I am not a drama queen. She STABBED herself for attention. And I'M a drama queen? SURE. Sorry for the venting. I'm kinda tense. And sorry if this is stupid, it just made me feel better. REVIEW! **


	73. Stick abuse!

**A/N: There shalt be no confusion. I was in the hospital with my bro, and passed an armless stick man. I did NOT take NCIS agent's stick people with butts idea. (BTW, go read NCIS agent's stories. They rule.)**

_YO YO YO VAMPIRES IN THE HOUSE!_

**-sigh- What is it Bella?**

_DID YOU JUST SIGH AT ME!!!!! OMG!_

**Why do I put up with this again?**

_BECUZZZZZ. I'm too cool for you!!! _

**I will go along with this pointless logic for now.**

_WHYyyyyyyyYYYYyyyYY?_

**Why what?**

_WHYyyyyyyyYYYYyyyYY does that stick figure have no arms??? Did he forget them at home? I do that with my homework sometimes. Does he get an F for forgetting his arms?_

**What stick figure?**

_The one I stole from the hospital._

**-takes deep breath and counts to ten- Bella, stealing is wrong.**

_BUT IT WAS STICK ABUSE!_

I will not point out the perverted ways that sentance could be conceived.

**Thanks for that, Emmett. Now Bella, how was the picture abused?**

_They wouldn't let it have arms! It begged and begged to have arms, but they wouldn't let it!!!!!!!_

**...It's a sign, Bella. It doesn't need arms. See? It's climbing stairs. You don't need arms to climb stairs. **

_But...what about stick rights? What if what it was doing needed arms??? HUH???_

**Then the artist would give it arms.**

_But...I'm still going to make this stick happy._

Once again, I shall not show Bella's innocent mind the dark meanings of that sentance.

**Out, Emmett. How are you going to do that, Bella?**

**-She takes out white paint, drawing arms on the blue canvass. She gives the entire stick figure a new coat, in fact...then she grabbed the glitter, pouring it over the wet paint.-**

_It's a vampire stick!_

I will pretend the only other meaning to that is candy.

**That's it.**

**-Edward smacks Emmett in the face, making him whimper and run away.-**

_Now it's happpppppy._

**I'm glad you made it happy. **

_No I didn't! I made it happpppppy. There's a diffffffeeeerrrraaannnnccceee._

**Okay.**

_Just like baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagel is differant than bagel. SO BAGEL THIS!_

**-She throws the stick figure sign at Edward and runs away-**

**A/N: Me and my bro had the stick figure disscusion. XD. And all perverted fun can be blamed on Chicken wing for getting me in that mood.**

**Chicken Wing: EEEEEWWW!!!**

**Me- NO NOT THAT WAY!!!!!**

**Reveiw! OH SPEAKING OF REVEIWS I HIT THE 1000 MARK!!!! YAYYYY!!!!! *dances crazy and stuff***


	74. Innocent mailboxes?

_EDWARRDDDD!!! CAN I HAVE MONEY??!?_

**Of course! But...what for?**

_Oh soz I can start a charity!!_

**Okay. What is the charity for?**

_Erm...I'd rather not say._

**...Bella....**

_Stick abuse_

**Oh Bella! It is NOT stick figure abuse to leave out the arms!**

_YES IT ISsSSsSSss!!!!_

**Goodness. Fine. How much?**

_Not very much, just about...five hundred thousand dollars..._

**Half a million??!? Not that it would put a dent in my bank account, but why on earth would you need half a million dollars to persuade people to draw stick figures correctly??**

_Because I said so!!!_

**Fine, fine...wait, where did you get those gloves?**

_What gloves?_

**The ones on your hands...**

_Oh, I found them on a mailbox!_

**....you found them?**

_Yep._

**  
Outside?**

_  
Yep._

**  
And you're wearing them?**

_I washed them first!_

**What if they have a diesease on them?? What if they were used to administer drugs??? WHAT IF YOU GET PREGNANT OFF THEM!!!??**

_Okay, how would I get pregnant off them?!!??_

**...I don't know, but Bella!**

_BUT I FOUND IT ON A MAIL BOX!_

**...So?**

_MAILBOXES ARE INNOCENT!_

Heyo!

**Hello Alice.**

That's wonder to you.

_TELL EDDY MAILBOXES ARE INNOCENT!_

No they aren't!!!

_WHY NOT!_

What if it closes on your arm???

_Then I'd be sad._

SO THEY ARE NOT INNOCENT!

_RAWRRRRrrRrRRRRRrrRRzzzz!!!!!_

**Goodness gracious. I'm leaving.**

_  
NoooooO! YOU MAILBOX RAPIST!_

**What?!?!?**

_YOU RAPED MY MAILBOX! IT WAS STICK ABUSE! AND THIS TIME I DON'T MEAN A PICTURE!_

**Bella!**

_Bella Bagel BAGEEEELLLLL BELLA WOOOO!_

**A/N: Kay. The charity thing was cuz Chicken wing said so, but the mailbox thing was funny. The bumble bre wore spiffy gloves to school today and was like "i found it on a mailbox!" leading to the whole "it could make u sick" thing, then she was liike "but mailboxes are innocent!" and me and chicken wing looked at each other and said 'note story'. It made me lafff. REVIEW **


	75. Cheese, muffins and grape blood, oh my!

_Eddy, am I smarter than cheese?_

**It's questionable, why?**

_Cuz it's a genius!!!_

**The cheese?**

_  
Yup._

**And why would you say that?**

_Cuz it's Cheeze WHIZ!_

**...Not the worst connection you could make.**

_OOOH THERES ANOTHER MEANING?_

**Err...no. Now what are you having your...genius cheese with?**

_My English Muffin! HEY! WHAT IF THEY MADE IT IN FRANCE? Would it be a french muffin???_

**..no.**

_But whhhhyyyyyyy???_

**Just...because.**

_Fine. BUT IMMA DRINK SOME GRAPE BLOOD!_

**...blood?**

_Yuh huh!!!_

**I'd rather talk about the genius cheese.**

_YOU LIKE BAGELS AND I CAN PROVE IT!_

**How?**

_CUZ WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU YOU WERE EATING ONE!_

**I was, wasn't I?**

_Yeeep!!_

**Well, I'll be.**

_BAGEL TASTIC!!_

**  
A/N: It's true! He's "picking apart a bagel" when she first sees him! Bre saw it and I was like OMG! N e way, ask chicken wing if you want an explination :P I'm too tired. Her pen name is "chicken wing jasper is hot" . XD**


	76. Purple UGGS!

_ALICE RULES!_

**  
You saying so is never a good sign.**__

I GOTS UGGS!

**Joy.**

_  
BUT THEY'RE PURPLE!!!!!!!!_

**And your point is?**

_THAT NOW I CAN JOIN THE PURPLE-SHOE CREW!_

**...**

_WEEEEE!!!_

**Erm, Bella?**

_YessssS?_

**  
Who's that?**

_You mean my poster of ROBERT PATTINSON!_

**That's the one.**

_Isn't he steamy?_

**I'd rather not discuss who my wife thinks is hot.**

_HOT HOT HOT! He's a vampire!_

**Really?**

_  
Wellz, he's a human made to look like a vampire._

**He knows we exist??!?!**

_Everyone will soon. Stephanie Meyer's book is going to da BIG SCREEN! And Robert's playing Edward Cullen, the teenage vampire who falls in love with a mortal and-_

**  
I know what happens in my own existance.**

_Hey! I did something today that you can never ever do!_

**Oh really. What?**

_I LIVED._

**That's harsh, Bella. Harsh.**

_HARSH HERSH HERSHEY CHOCOLATE BAGEL_

**Logical sequance there.**

_Yup. BAGELLLL!! WEEEE!!!_

**  
A/N: Chicken wing got purple uggs. AND I GOT A HUGE POSTER OF ROB'S FACE!!!!!! OME! It's like, the size of my door and it's just his face. I lurve it. And my mom said that I LIVED joke to me, and I was like, that's harsh mom... I'm going to twilight on friday and I'm dressing up as a vampire. Tis awesome! **


	77. Twilight Movie!

**A/N: One tiny Twi. Movie spoiler, get over it**

_Rosey-posie?_

_What, Bella?_

_WHY?_

_Why what?_

_WHY didn't it hurt?_

_Why didn't what hurt?_

_When you made the salad bowl go boom?_

_What?? When did I do that??_

_In da movie!_

_What movie!!!_

_The Twilight movie!_

_I was in a movie?!?_

_Naw, some actress played you._

_...okay. EDWARD!_

**Yes Rosalie?**

_  
Your girlfriend-_

**  
Wife.**

_Whatever! Your wife says I'm in a movie, but I'm not me!_

**Oh, it's that stalker again, Stephanie Meyer.**

_Oh, okay._

_  
PICKLES!_

**I thought you liked bagels?**

_  
Eh, we needed to spice things up a bit. CUZ PICKLES ARE CUCUMBERS SOAKED IN EVIL!_

YOU DID NOT JUST DISS DA PICKLES!

**Alice, you can't eat pickles.**

...DO NOT POKE HOLES IN MY LOGIC!!!!

**...greeeeat....**

_BAGELS ARE BETTER THAN PICKLES!_

NUH UH!

_Ya know what? I win. HA HA HA! BAGEL!_

**A/N: EEEEE! I WENT TO SEE TWILIGHT! AND EDWARD WAS ALL LIKE THAT, THEN LIKE THIS, AND HE DID THAT, AND BELLA SAID THAT, AND JAMES WENT GRR!!!! OMEOMEOMEOEMOEMOEMEOMEOMEOME!!!!!**

**TWILIGHT!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! GO SEE IT NOW!**


	78. The numbers!

**A/N: Kay. Got an annonymous review, and since I can't reply I'll tell you on here. I'll copy paste the message for everyone.**

"**I don't really like it. Makes Bella sound too stupid and Edward sound too oring. But it was funny. Maybe do it with original characters so you don't hurt the feelings of anyone who loves Stephanie Meyer's characters."**

**I am extreamly offended. Did you read the summary? It's called OOC. That means Out Of Charactor. They aren't supposed to be exactly like the book charactors! If it was the plot would be :**

**BElla - I forgot to brush my teeth this morning!**

**Alice- Don't worry, I brought a toothbrush!**

**Edward- Thank you Alice. **

**I don't think so. This is FAN fiction. You want a replica of the original charactors? Read HER book. **

**  
And I hate how you insinuate that I don't love stephenie's charactors. Obviously I do or I wouldn't sit here and write this out. That was just past my line. Sorry to everyone else, but I wanted to sort that out.**

**Don't worry, from now if you send a rude annonymous review I'll just delete it and move on.**

_These numbers are trying to give me a heart attack, Edward! The numbers don't like me today!_

**What numbers?**

_Kick your leg out! Rockstar! Like a rockstar!_

**...What in the world are you talking about.**

_BE LIKE THE TRAIN! YOU KNOW YOU CAN YOU KNOW YOU CAN!_

**I am deeply disturbed.**

_10! No...5? HELP! THE NUMBERS!_

**Bella, I won't hesitate to throw your bagel out the window.**

_Fine, fine. But I was mimiking my skating coach._

**...You don't skate. **

_...So THAT's why I kept falling! _

**...**

_Yups. Then I fell out of the car. Twas funny._

**Bella!**

_Yus mi luber?_

**You getting hurt is NOT funny.**

_Ch'yeah it was. Cuz I was like, oooh, itsa rock! And I lean out and tryed to grab the door to hold me and it wasn't there! Soz I falled. And Charlie waz like "Youz a drunk perzon Belly cake. WEE!"_

**You fell out because you wanted to see a rock?**

_Yepz._

**Bella, promise you won't do that again.**

_Gawshz Eddzalot. I izn't a wittle babyz no mo. Youz a poopiez! I'm gnnaz leavez you fo the chicken wingz! Shez all lyke, Wooooo I iz a boy! I go IN OUR HEARTZ ZON! WARM! HEARTZ!!!!!! WEEE!!!! _

**Why do you keep adding the letter z into random places?**

_ZZZZZ! CATCH SOME ZZZZZZZ'SZ!_

**....Isn't it about time for you to make a comment about bagels so we can put down this ridiculous conversation and do something productive?**

_The Z is the icing on the bagel!_

**A/N: kay, the first bit up to him threatening her bagel, whatever bella says was what my skating coach said. We'll call her Purple Lady. She dies her hair purple. No joke. Anyway, she shows up drunk sometimes, and yeah tonight was one of them. The numbers thing was this rule about the number of jumps you can have, and it took three tries to count to six. XD. Twas fun. Then after complaining how she was intoxicated, I fell out of the car trying to grab a rock. (Don't worry, it was in park and I am fine. XP)**

**The witty bagel thing was from someone else I am sorry I can't find your dang penname! If you were the one who gave me that PLEASE just PM me and I'll credit you next chapter. **

**REVEIW!**


	79. Bufftastic

_EDDY! RUN!!!_

**What? Why?!?**

_Buffy's on her way!_

**Who?**

_Buffy the vampire slayer._

**...**

_What??? You IZ a vampy-type thing._

**Buffy the vampire slayer isn't real.**

_  
That's what Charlie said about monsters, but look, here you are._

**No Bella...just no.**

_Oh, you're just oring._

**Don't you mean Boring?**

_No. Oring. The B ran away. THAT MEANS I'M ELLA AND YOU'RE BEDWARD!_

**...why do I need that B?**

_Cuz the letter B luffs you._

**Oh. I see.**

_Well I don't. THE BUMBLE BRE HATH RETURNED!_

**Oh good lord.**

_HE HAD A CORNCOB PIPE!_

**And a button nose?**

_AND THREE EYES MADE OUT OF COAL!_

**Three?**

_Yuh huh! THREE! UN DUEX FROG! _

**...trois, Bella. It's trois.**

_NO! FROG!_

**...Right.**

_WEEEE! NINJA CHEESE! KILL! KILL!_

**Ninja...Cheese???**

_Yup._

**Cheese has no fighting potential.**

_  
Bitch slap cheese, bitch slap!_

**...I stand corrected.**

_Ninja Bagel!_

**...That's my cue to leave..**

**  
A/N: Kay. 1. I accept your apology (You know who you are)**

**2. This started cuz I told bumble bre to say one random word and she shouted "Buffy the vampire slayer!" **

**3. The ninja cheese thing was funny. My bro wanted grilled cheese, so I had Singles out, and I said something insulting to him, and he was trying to fight me so I was like "NINJA CHEESE! ATTACK!" And he was like "That can't hurt me!" And I bitch slapped him with it. Twas funny.**

**4. Tee hee. We did secret santa in class today. I got an icky boy. BUT I WONT SAY WHO CUZ BUMBLE BRE IS A CHEATER! **

**Yeah, not telling who I'm secret santa-ing for is my form of revenge. Deal with it. REVIEW!!!!**


	80. Jupitar!

_Jupitar._

Bless you.

_I DID NOT SNEEZE!!!!! We are discussing Jupitar. The planet that artichokes luv._

The one with rings?

_I think so...or the one that goes around all sideways-ish?_

Naw. It has rings, Jingle!

**What has rings?**

_JUPITAR!_

**No, Jupitar is-**

_OH GO PLAY WITH THE FELLOW MICE! MEOW! MEOW!_

**...right.**

I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie wooooooorld!

_Shut up Lemon. _

Fine. Imma go...help Rose if ya catch my drift.

_...Leave. Now._

WE ARE THE...DUH DUH DUH!

_FOUR HOOVED FLYING RED NOSED REINDEER VOLENTEER DELIVERY CORPS!_

We bring the toys to girls and boys!

AND EACH DEPARTMENT STORE!

_Aww, you killed it!_

WE ARE DA TOYS!

_What!_

WE ARE DA TOYS!

_What!_

WE ARE DA buh duh duh TOYS!

What!

_No! Not only did you kill it, but you made it wear a dunce hat while you killed it._

At least I didn't run over myself!

_THAT WAS ONE TIME! I WAS INTOXICATED BY MY BAGEL!_

**A.N: The songs that Emmett killed are from my xmas play at school. And did ya hear bout the guy who ran over HIMSELF? That was odd. I almost saved this as " chapter name here dot soc" Giggle. I commandeth you to review.**


	81. Eeh, I'm to tired for a title

_YO YO YO BELLA'S IN THE HOUSE!_

**  
I can see that. **

_Oh Eddy, why must you be a pooper of the party variety?_

**Don't you mean party pooper?**

_I like mine better. EVERY PARTY NEEDS A POOPER THATS WHY WE INVITED YOUUUU!_

**Right.**

_Why is the movie all...not happy?_

**Why isn't the movie happy? **

_It's not speaking straight. I can't undersand what they're saying! Are they drunk?_

**No, they're speaking french. **

_Whhhhyyyyyyyyy?_

**Because it's french class.**

_Is not! It's history._

**Then why is the movie french?**

_THATS WHAT I ASKED YOU!_

**Dear god.**

_Are you writing him a letter?_

**Exuse me??**

_Well you were all like " DEAR GOD I WANTZ A PONY!!!!!" _

**Really.**

_Yahz._

**No. It's an expression. **

_LIKE ON MY FACE? SMILE! HAPPY! FROWN! SAD!_

_**Bellilicious definition making Mike go loco. I'll get my pleasures from your treasures Bella not a photo!  
**_

_Ewwww, Mike!_

**Run while you still have legs boy.**

_But you'll still out run him Eddy-licious._

**That's the point.**

_**SEXY BELLA -Runs away-**_

**He's lucky that I won't leave you long enough to break him.**

_RAWR! DO NOT BREAK MY BAGEL!_

**  
...What bagel?**

_THE ONE IN MY SHOE!_

**Aye aye aye....**

_PIRATE! MOOO! Wait...that's not it..._

**Pirates say Argg, Bella.**

_ARGG BELLA ARGG BELLA!_

**...goodbye.**

_PIRATE BAGEL!_

**A/N: Luv ya all! REVIEW!**


	82. Titles that rhyme should be a crime

_Heyo-boyos, what's going sideways?_

**Exuse me? Sideways?**

_Up and down are so tired!_

**I see.**

_**Christmas spirit I will display by only rhyming the rest of the day.**_

_JAZZY POO!_

_**It is little me, back from Paris!**_

NOOOO!! It doesn't rhyme!!! 

**Paris is pronounced paree in French.**

_Oh Eddy, you are so smart-ish-icle. DO THE WAVE GEORGE, DO THE WAVE!_

_**Giddeeup horsey! You are a...dorsey?**_

_Faaaaail._

THIS IS THE LOAF OF BREAD. 

_Yum!_

Candycane stealer!

_PONY!!!!!!_

PURPLE PINK

_I GIVE A BOOM!_

DUM DUM DUHMMMISH!

_DICSO BALL!_

I is a walking disco ball!

_SPARKLESSS_

**Okay, I am sorry love, but that is enough.**

_LUVY DUVY_

_**Bella, you look orange, why don't you...wait, what rhymes with orange?**_

**Idiot. There is no word that rhymes with orange. **

Paris! London! Rome!

_WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

**Love?**

_Yups?_

**What rhymes with bagel?**

_OOOOOHHHH!!!!! BAGEL TASTIC! WAGEL! DAGEL! BEAGAL!  
_

**A/N: Do the wave is an inside joke. We wouldn't want any outsiders finding out. (Yes I am getting back at someone by not telling inside jokes. I am in fact juvinille. Get over it.)**


	83. The lost chapter!

**A/n:This was my origanal chapter 82, I lost it but found it so here, yes I know it repeats a bit but too bad for you.**

Kay, but you have to start now.

_**Whatever's clever.**_

_Heyo-boyos. What's going sideways?_

**Noth-wait, sideways?**

_Up and down are so tired!_

**...I see...**

_**We see.**_

_Oooh! Are we rhyming again??_

**No, Bella, don't start. **

_**If you start Edward might fart!**_

**Shut it Jasper. Emmett and Jasper made a bet.**

_**Christmas spirit I must display by only rhyming for the rest of today.**_

_Wow. And I thought I was insane._

**You aren't acting it, love.**

_CHOO CHOO!_

**And there it goes.**

_**If you choo choo Eddy might hurt you!**_

**I would never!**

_**Let us leave this place, I'm getting sick from Edward's face.**_

That was low, buddy, very low.

_**Yes I know that blow was low.**_

FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA. Greetings from the planet Christmas spirit!

**As twisted as my dear sister is, you do seem a hint sad. Don't you like Christmas?**

_Well obviously not. I hate gifts. NOW SCRAM!_

Harsh my fellow ladybug!

_NO IT WAS THE DISHRAG THAT DID THE DIRTY WORK!_

**Okay, I think I'll take my leave now. **

_**I'm back with a sack!**_

_But...you don't have a sack._

_**It rhymed like the time. You look a bit orange. Why don't you...wait, what rhymes with orange?**_

**Idiot. Nothing rhymes with orange.**

_**Oh really? Then what about....shlorange?**_

**That isn't a word.**

_What rhymes with bagel Eddy dear?_

**Waggle? Haggle? **

_No! GEORGE! Do the wave George, do the wave!_

**A.N: Okay, stressful week. Wanna hear? ...Too bad. I'll tell you anyway.**

**  
Monday: Last skating practice before Compitition**

**Tues.: Christmas Play**

**Wed: Yet another Christmas play**

**Thurs: Skating Comp.**

**Fri: Supposed to be skating test, but it was cancelled due to MASSIVE snow storm. They call it "snowmageddon" Clever, eh?**

**Then in the middle of all this, C.W and Bumble Bre started a fight, and of course, I picked my best friend's (Bre, obvi!) side, so now it's an "I want this-and-this-and-this-back-or-I-call-the-cops thing going on, cuz I get blamed for the whole thing (Bre just LOOKS innocent. So everyone skips over her in the blame game :P )**

**But I'm boring you here! I love you guys, and I should update a tad more often due to the whole x-mas break thing (Key word being should)**

**So, you want funny stories? Here you go.**

**I was watching that Naturally Sadie Christmas special, and she was all rhyming. So I show up at school that morning and said "Christmas spirit I will display by only rhyming the rest of the day!" Of course, I barly made it till noon, but it was funny. The do the wave george thing is an inside joke between my best friend and I, an we wouldn't want any outsiders hearing it. (Yes, I am in fact very juvinille. Would you like to make something of that?) LOVE YOU ALL! ( Well, most of you...)**


	84. Soo sorry but AN only

**A.N: Kay, you know how much I hate doing this, but I have to. I need to straighten something out.**

**I have three (annonymous :( ) reviews that say I'm copying lanna-missunshine's work. I love her stories, but I wasn't setting out to copy in any way. This is based of my real life. I talk like Bella does, me and my friends have random inside jokes, and all that stuff. If anything seemed like it was from her, I apologize in earnest. And like I said before, I started the notes because I read kissss-meeee's notes and wanted to bring laughter to others like she (he???) brought to me.**

**If Lanna wants me to take anything out, I will, but it's totally because #1, It's her work that sounds the same as mine . #2. She's an awesome author and I hate to make her sad/mad/whatever. **

**Sorry about the A.N only thing, but I'm not exactly in a funny mood.**


	85. Shampoo Fumes and Chocolate Milk

_Edward?_

**  
Yes love?**

_  
I want to get high on shampoo fumes._

**On...shampoo fumes?**__

Yup.

**No.**

_But why not?_

**Because you may not get high off of anything, let alone shampoo fumes. **

_Fine, but then I need chocolate milk._

**Okay, but...why?**

_Cuz then I can be GANGSTA!_

**What does chocolate milk have to do with being....gangster?**

_Wonder wanted to buy me stuff again cuz of the whole christmas is tomorrow thing, and we saw a gangster!_

**And where does chocolate milk fit into that?**

_He had one of those mini carton things of chocolate milk! _

**Wow. **

_Yep-sters. I wonder if he likes bagels too?_

**A/N: Kay, this needs explanation. First off, me and bre were in a store, and I wanted shampoo that smelled nice. But I was all "How do you tell if it smells nice?" Mainly cuz I was hyper. But then Bre said "We should smell them all." And I said "Yeah! Let's get high off shampoo fumes!!!" And a store person worker thing turned at looked at me like I was insane. :P That was awesome. **

**Then I was going into Food Basics, and in the parking lot, there's this gangster tuff guy type thing. And he was totally all slouchy and strutting and yada yada, but then he started chugging chocolate milk. It made me laugh. Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you all (If you celebrate those...if you don't, then happy holidays XD)**


	86. Sex with minors

_No!_

**No what?**

_YOU MAY NOT HAVE SEX WITH MINORS_

**I...didn't?**

_THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!!!!!!!_

**  
O-kay?**

_If I weren't a virgin this would go in my virgin book._

**Your...virgin...book?**

_Yesssssss! Sex!!!!! No! Bad monkey! NO SEX WITH MY EDWARD!!! I CAN ONLY DO THAT!_

**What??? There is no monkey.**

_But there IS chocolate milk flavored shampoo._

**Flavored???**

_Yah. _

**How do you know what it tastes like?**

_The bumble bre._

**What about that chicken wing?**

_She doesn't exist._

**...what?**

_She betrayed the bee of bumble and we stabbed her with a spork._

SPORK!!!!

NOOOO!! !SPUNORK! ITS A SPOON AND A KNIFE AND A FORK! Like, all in one!!!!

_Massivly coool!!!!!!! Like bongos._

BOOOOONNNNGGGGOOOOOO

**This has compleatly gotten out of hand.**

_DO NOT BURST MY BUBBLE! Oooohh, bubble. Fun. LIKE BAGEL!!_

Bagel boom!

_Bagel sex!_

Bagel sex with a monkey!

_  
Monkeying around with my bagel?_

HALF VAMP HALF MONKEY THIRD BUMBLE BRE DIEING SIXTH BAGEL!

**A/N: Kay, the Chicken Wing thing was laying that charactor down to rest. The vile things the human did forced us to retire the fictional one. (Breanna is here!!!)**

**Breanna Note: hi to all my fans!!!!!!!!!**

**A/N: The whole sex thing was just cuz we were playing a game and bre beat me and I was like 'NO SEX WITH MINORS!' And yeah. And then it included a monkey. And bre has chocolate milk scented shampoo. :P Luv you guys. **


	87. White out unibrow

_**Suprise guest!**_

_I want a whiteout unibrow._

**...Why?**

_Cuz the Bumble Bre's friend Mandy-Candy has one._

**Great. We put Chicken leg or whatever to rest, and out pops another one. Still named after human food.**

_I know it's great! Any-whoziez, IF YOUR BELLA AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP UR HANDS! CLAP CLAP!_

**If you love Bella and you know it clap your hands. Clap clap.**

_OMG EDWARD PARTICIPATED!_

**Yes, I suppose I did.**

_Wowzers._

_**Hey! I'm going to sue you for COPYING MY LIFE!**_

**Who are you?**

_**Mandy-Candy.**_

_I should be Bella-bagel._

**A.N: Sorry for the shortness, but I'm posting another chap preluding another story soon, so, this is just to let you know it's coming. And to talk about the white out unibrow. Kay, you know liquid paper? Called white out? Well, Mandy, (mandy candy) had it, and couldn't make it work. So Jack, (Hmm... Jack-o-lantern!!!! Her friend) just threw it at her. So the teacher wasn't looking, and so she made a unibrow with the whiteout. Then I couldn't help but to write a note story, and she read it and was all "I'm sueing you for copying my life!" It made me laff, and made the teacher force us to differant tables XD**


	88. Attack of the Vampires

_**Carlisle **__Jacob_

**That is IT.**

_Hold on mista! I'm the one who starts our epic journey to insane-land_.

_**I hate to interrupt, but I must agree with Edward.**_

_Carwhistle??? You NEVER join!_

_**Well this fan base has grown much to far.**_

_What are we talking about?_

**I mean, "I like to watch you sleep, it facinates me" ??? That makes me sound like some pedophile!**

But you-

**Don't even, Alice.**

_**And my nose is NOT that big.**_

**And I don't have a constant five o' clock shadow. I'm seventeen for crying out loud!**

_Are we talking about ponies?_

**No, love.**

_**And that "Find the will, son." was the corniest thing I never said!**_

_I dunno, I was hott._

MUTT! BEGONE!

_I'm suprised a leech was smart enough to come up with 'begone'._

_**And I**_

Let it go.

_**  
But it**_

Carlisle...

_**Fine.**_

_OH! You guys saw our movie!_

**Yes. We actually paid attention this time.**

_I am soooo hot. Literally...but that 'and the wolves decend' made me giggle._

**Erm...no comment.**

Idea!

**Please Emmett that's-...genius....**

_**What is it?**_

_INFORM THE HUMAN!_

**What do you say to teaching those actors a lesson...?**

_YOU'RE GONNA STEAL THEIR RUBBER DUCKIES???_

**Not quite. We're going to...take them for a ride.**

_**As in...kidnap them?**_

Bingo, pops.

_**I cannot condone such behavior.**_

Says who?

_BELLA ON A BANNANA BOAT._

_**Okay. First of all, Bella, eat this candy.**_

_Candy? YAY! Waah, tired! _

**-there is a thump as she falls to the floor-**

_Hold the phone, bloodsuckers. I LIKE my guy._

**  
You wolves take out the director.**

_I'm soo in!_

It'll work! This is purrrr fect!

_**It's all set then.**_

Well then...BAGELS AHOY!

**A/N: I know it's overplayed, but Imma write a charactors kidnap actors story. I can make it funny. Soo, yeah.**


	89. Cussing and Spiders

****Fair warning! This chapter contains lots of swearing. I decided I didn't want to get in false rating trouble or something, so I replaced the actual cuss words with replacments. (eg. fudge = the F word, donkey= the a word, etc.) It'll make sense. I just don't want the FF police on my tail. Just pretend the actual words are there.**

_Edward! Dammit, EDWARD!_

**Yes, love?**

_What the hell took you so long???_

**It took me 0.0000003 seconds to respond, sweet.**

_For fudge sakes, I was scared!_

**...I don't think you should be using that language.**

_I'll use whatever fudgeing language I want, you...you...DONKEY!_

**Too far love. You're trying my patience.**

_What if I like trying your patience?_

**Well too bad**.

_Fudge you, Edward._

**Not until you're indestructable.**

_!!! That was totally below the belt. You're still a donkey._

**Why are you acting this way? Because I was 0.0000001 seconds late?**

_And for that ten millionth of a second I was in mind numbing, body freezing fear. And it's all your fudging fault, donkey._

**First of all, stop the launguage before I do something we'll both regret later**.

_Like what?_

**Like call Carlisle.**

_AT WORK???_

**Yes.**

_OMG YOU WOULDN'T! _

**Yes I really would.**

_*faint* Wow, you're a dare devil._

**I know. It comes with the venom. Now, why were you cursing at me?**

_Because there's a spider on the wall..._

**...**

_HE TRIED TO TAKE MY BAGEL!_

**A/N: I am soooo going to take the spider thing somewhere, but much thanks snow-leopard-demon24 for the ideas!!!!!!! And yes I know this is pathetic, but I am tired so too bad for you.**

**And before I forget, GO READ THE BOOKS **_**Once a theif**_** AND **_**Always a theif**_** RIGHT THIS SECOND!!!! Quinn is my backup Edward. :P Go read it now.**


	90. Ultimate hottness

OH EM GEE, JINGLE!!!!

_What's upside down, Wonder?_

IT'S ALMOST ON!

_IT IS? OMG! LET'S GO!_

**-They rush to the t.v, and gazee tranzfixed into the television-**

**Erm...love? Alice?**

What's wrong with them?

**-The boys stare at the girls, almost jumping out of their skins when they both emit high pitched shreiks.-**

**Bella??? Are you okay? **

_Hush up Edward. I'm watching ultimate hottness_.

Well I knew you were watching me!

**Be quiet, Emmett.**

OH COME ON! HE COULD NOT SING!

_Itsa bunny wabbit! _

Aww, how could those meenies not let the bunny go to hollywood?

**Okay, I'm officially lost.**

_We're watching American Idol, silly. And Simon, the ultimate hottness._

**...**

I wonder...if his friend dresses up as a bunny...what stops us from auditioning and...

_Dressing up as bagels! GENIOUS!_

**Good greif.**

**A/N: Hmm, that could actually be a story....I'll put it on my to do list. Idea from Ivy O'Hara. And the bunny was from an episode of the tryouts for American idol. THE GUY DRESSED UP AS A BUNNY!!!! And gave Simon a hug.**

**And Bumble Bre? I think I should have taken the skittles, judging by the "Buhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah" thing.**

**And definatly is not spelt dephently... AND OH YAH COTTAGENESS! For what, a week? Review Everyone!**


	91. Bella plus vovlo equals cheese?

_Ally-poooooooo, I want zee cheese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MEOW!_

Why??

_Cuz Eddy's volvo needs a makeover._

Ooooooooh i wanna help!!!!!! Meep!

_TOO ZEE ZOOO! Wait, let's get Lemon!_

**-Later that day-**

**WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY VOLVO?????**

_Well, we gave it a makeover! IT ASKED US FOR ONE!_

**I- BUT- IT- ALICE!**

Yes my dear, loving, non violent brother?

**You're dead.**

I knew that. I'm gonna run now!

_LETS GIVE IT A BAGEL MAKEOVER NEXT!_

**A.N: The Bumble bre is going on a 8 day cruise!!! I BE LONELY!!!!!! :( **

**Bre says: Hi! I'm gonna be warm while you losers freeze!**

**Me- Well, if you live in Canada like us. Tis cold :(**


	92. Five bucks for what?

_Okay, seriously. _

**What is it now, love?**

_What does this thingy do? _

**...what thingy?**

_The card thingy!!!!_

**The hockey card?**

_Yes._

**It doesn't do anything.**

_  
Then why did I pay five bucks for it?_

**I have no idea.**

**A.N: Hi, sorry about the shortness and the lack of funniness, just wanted to say that I promise on Monday I'll post a few chapters, because the Bumble bre will be back from her eight day cruise, and she'll be able to give me some insperation. **

**And seriously, my brother made me buy a pack of hockey cards for five bucks, and we had the 'what do they do?' convo, and when I said 'then why did I pay 5 bucks?' he said "Because you luff me." Which made me smile. **


	93. LLAMA LLAMA DUCK

_RUN! IT'S DA BUMBLE BRE! SHE HATH RETURNED! With an awesome tan!_

**Why did she leave?**

_To go on a cruuuuuuuuuise and meet hot boys!_

**...**

_I wish I was her...mainly for the boys._

**I repeat, ...**

_HERES A LLAMA THERES A LLAMA AND ANOTHER LITTLE LLAMA!_

OOOH ITSA LLAMA

_OMG U IS DA LITTLE LLAMA!_

Yesh, and Blade is the funny llama.

**Hey!**

We need to make a Llamward and a Jasma like we made a Jedward.

**Hey, why does my name sound like a girl?**

**Once again, you see straight to the real issue dear brother.**

**-While Edward and Jasper bickered, Alice ran to the joke store. Upon her return, she slapped a pair of those goofy glasses with that nose thingy attached onto Edward's face-**

There, now you're a funni llama!

**Ha.**

_Don't laff at him. Ur da fuzzy llama._

**Then what are you?**

_The bagel that slayed the rake._

**A/n: We're doing this thing where we take a song and dance to it for marks. My group is doing the pwnsome Llama Song! If you don't know it, go google it NOW! AND DA BUMBLE BRE IS BACK!!! WE MAY NOW REJOICE!**


	94. Mr Bagel Head

**A.N: Hey, this is for Emily, cuz it's her b-day on the 6th so yeah. **

**Okay, let's start. **

_Ahahaha, you have learndified very goodly! Writing notes is happy!_

**...there are too many things wrong with that sentance to correct. **

_LETS START SCARDY-PIRE_

**Fine.**

_Omg no!_

**What? **

_That's not where it goes._

**I moved it. I choose where it goes. It's my turn.**

_NO, cuz then you would eat the horsy guy. So you gotsa go there._

**Where your bishop could take me? I really don't think so.**

_YAH! Mr pointy head didn't get lunch. So he wants to eat your cross-ish guy. So move him there. _

**That isn't how chess works, love.**

_Yes it is!_

**No! Queens don't move like knights.**

_Yes they do! The flat head wanted to be like a horsy. So she went like that. HA CHECK MATE!_

**No, it isn't. I could just...hey!**

**-She grabs his king and throws it out the window.-**

_CROSS HEAD GO BYE BYE!_

**Goodness...**

_Is there a bagel head?_

**Maybe, depending on how you look at the rook...**

**A/n: In class we had a huge free period chess thing, and we just chose a partner and played, not tournament, just play. It was amazing :P This one kid was trying to convince me the queen moved like a knight. It was funny. And me and the bumble bre were facing each other (I won two games to one xD) and we were arguing about many things, including mini knight, this little paper thin knight, that I made a point of taking every time as soon as I could. It was funny. :D So yeah, this chappy it all spiffy dedicated to Emily. Ta daah!**


	95. The Ssmurf gets a name

_Eddy?_

**What is it now, love?**

_It's smiling at me :(_

**Well...is that not the purpose? It is a smiley, after all.**

_But....it's a creeper. Look at the way it's eyes are looking a differant way. Creeper. _

**So it's a creeper smiley?**__

Yeah!! Creeeeper smiley GONNA GET YOU!

**Okay, I think we're done with the creeper smiley. **

_NO! IS MY STICKER PAD!_

**Bella...put the pad down.**

_*Hissss!*_

**But...you did not hiss. **

_Shush! Stop putting holes in my logic._

**Eh, it's what I do. **

_Well I've noticed. Creeeeeper Smiley!!!! Rawr!_

**Moving on. **

_Wait...no! IT MAKE-ETH NO SENSE!_

**What make...eth no sense?**

_If it's a Smiley, it should be all not here ish._

**Why?**

_Because of Lance, the Skating, Singing Smurf That Steals Stuff That Starts With S._

**When did the S-smurf get a name?**

_When we found Lance, the singing skater. Alice decided he must be DA SMURF WIF A LONG TITLE!!_

**O-kay. Sometimes I wonder why I allow her within spitting distance of you.**

_...tee hee. Spitting._

**That is juvenile, Bella. **

Shut it.

Heeeey J!

_W!! Wazz upp???_

I found...drum roll pleasse!

Duh dum duh dummmm.....

SIDEWALK CHALK!!!!

_OMG YAYY YAY YYAyYYYzzzzZ1_

**...Good Lord.**

**-TO BE CONTINUED....:P.-**

**A.N: Hello all! And for those wondering where I went, there's this lovely place I found! Here's directions to get there!**

**1. Hit the X button on the top of the page**

**2. Get up off the chair**

**3. Exit front door**

**I happen to actually go to this magical place once in a while. It's called the real world.**

**  
Seriously guys. I do in fact have a life. Soo, anyway, two things.**

**1. Lance is a skating coach at my club who also sings. We decided he was the smurf. Bumble Bre had a pad of stickers. One was a creeper. Nuff said. The chalk will be explained later.**

**2. (The person this is meant for will know :P) What the hell do you mean by 'obviously unedited'? You do know that placing an insult after a compliment just cancels it out, right? Especially when the review is annonymous. **

**Ugg, annonymous is fine unless you're just using it as a tool to not let me reply to you. **

**I'd like to thank cookie_luvr999 for the many reviews!**

**Thank you all. I will update when I feel like it. If I decide to never update again, then I won't. It is my choice, after all. I have no obligations to you. Saying OMG PLZ UPDATEEE!!! doesn't help your chances.**

**Though I won't REALLY stop unless I at least post an authors note saying so. **

**Wow, long AN. If you read all the way through, here's a virtual cookie!**


	96. Banananananananananananas

****

Bella, why??

_Whhyyy whatt???_

**Why do you have a sticker on your head?**

_OH! I got it on my banananananananana. _

**...a lot of extra vowels there. **

_  
Yessiree!!!_

**Wait...it's got writing. What's it say?**

'_Place sticker on forehead. Smile!'_

**Looks like it was made for you...**

_Yups :)_

**Honey, our adventures will soon have to come to an end.**

_Whut? Whyyy??_

**  
We've been doing this note-passing thing for a long time.**

_NOOOOOOO!! I won't let you. *sniff* _

**Well, we'll just have to see.**

_But...my witty bagel comments! Our funnehness!!!!!_

**We shall see my love...**

**A/n: Well, first I'll explain the END TO NOTES GALORE GASP! part. I have a poll on my profile. I dunno if I should end these at 100 chapters at or not. So please go vote! I will base my choice on those poll resaults...**

**And the sticker thing, I had a banana, with that sticker on it xD It made us laugh, and I wore it on my forehead. When teachers asked me why, I told them I was following directions xD It was awesome. I don't care if this chap gets NO reviews, as long as the poll is voted in!!**


	97. What an eggciting eggsperiance

**A/N: May as well not keep you in suspense.**

**  
It seems to me that five people want me to end this story...**

**The bright side? That's out of 39. That makes me truly happy. Seriously.**

**12% Says yes, end it.**

**78% Says no, don't, or at least not notes galore as a whole**

**7% Has no opinions. **

**So, since the majorady wants me to keep going, I will :P I respect everyone's opinion, so don't come pming me being all waaahhh you didn't listen to meh!! D: Because I won't listen.**

**And apparently only one person thinks I suck, and it wasn't even in the poll, it was some random annonymous reviewer (You wanna say that, please log in and PM me. Say it to my face.) **

_Edward?_

**Yes love?**

_  
I win!!!! _

**What do you win?**

_Everyone wants me to stay -grin-_

**-sigh- That's humans for you. **

_Yup!! Oh , AND GUEsS WAT EDDEH!!_

**What?**

_I did an...*giggle* Egg-speriment today..._

**You mean experiment.**

_Noo, egg. We had to do a bunch of random stuff with vinegar and AN EGG!!!! So it's an egg-speriment._

**Good god...**

_I know, fail. But really, when do you get to use an egg yoke? ...get it? GET IT???_

**Yes, I do. It's not that funny...**

_  
Aw Eddy, don't ruin my egg-speriance._

**...**

_What, too egg-citing for you?_

**Bella-**

_Stop egging me on!_

**Bella! **

_What?_

**Stop it with the egg jokes.**

_Awww....but they're so egg-celent!_

**Shut up. Seriously.**

_At least I didn't start with the bagel puns._

**A/N: So, thanks! I'm going to reveiw the situation when I get to 120 or something, but I won't stop, I'll just make a sequal (more notes, new story xD) Sound good? **

**  
And does anyone know how to block anonymous reviews? **


	98. SHE HATH RETURNEDeth!

_**Lance**_ _Chicken wing_

_I believe I can fly!_

**Oh god not that again!**

_SHUSH! I AM BUILDING SUSPENSE TO MY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!_

**-sigh- Proceed.**

_I got shot by the FBI! _

What??? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!

_LET ME FINISH YOU IDIOTS!_

Wooooow someone's PMSing!

_All I wanted was a CHICKEN WING!_

**-A random girl runs into the room, shouts "THAT'S ME! CHICKEN WING HATH RETURNED! Aren't I special?" and runs away.-**

**Um...wait, what was that??**

_Well DUH, it was chicken wing!_

**I thought we got rid of it -.-"**

_It is NOT AN IT! IT IS A HER! A HER-ISH THING!_

**I'm just going to pretend that made sense.**

_It doesn't have to make sense. It makes dollars._

**...good god...what's next?**

**-A random person in skates and sweats runs in-**

_**JUMP! YOU CAN DO IT! LIFT THAT LEG! Land it girlfrieeeeeeeend!**_

**Who the hell are you?**

_**Lalalalala, I'm Laaaaaaaaaance!**_

**Lance?**

_  
Remember? The singing skating smurf that steals stuff that starts with S?_

**Today is just full of suprises...**

**-Lance grabs the word "suprises" and runs away with an evil laugh-**

_I believe I can flyyy! I got shot by the FBI! All I wanted was a-_

_Chicken wing!!!!!_

_NO! BAGEL!!!!!_

**A.N: Yus, CW and I got over it xD That's just me, deal. Anyway, sorry for blocking anonymous reviews, there were just some idiots bugging me. **

**And thanks XedwardIStheeHOTnewBAGELx for reviewing my story a million times :D (and having a bagel-icious pen name)**

**And to wtf- If you hate me so much, why read and review my stories? It's not like you're giving me constructive critisism or something. Really.**


	99. Where the moose are!

_OMG EDDIE POOP I IZ LOST!_

**...why?**

_Because I don't know where I am, duh._

**You're at the cottage, dear. **

_At the cottage?_

**  
Yes.**

_At the cottage! WHERE THE MOOSE ARE!_

**...oh god.**

_MOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSE MOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSEEEEEEE!_

**Has anyone informed you that you're totally and utterly insane?**

_Yep, but Allie-poo told me insane mean totally awesome, so I guess those people are right._

**I don't think I'm going to dignafy that with a response.**

You just did idiot.

**Shut Alice.**

_OMG JORT ATE IT! JORT JORT JORT JORT, JORT JORT JORT, JORT JORT JOOOOOOOOOOOORTT JORT._

Bad Jort! That was shameful behavior!

**Shame on you Jort.**

OMG BLADE PARTICIPATED! *applause*

_OOH, Alice and I were discussing Jacob's vagina._

**Why did I need to know this?**

Because it was like...VAGINA! And stuff. Shocking like that.

_It was shocking. We were like, "JACOB! WE DID NOT KNOW YOU SWUNG THAT WAY!" Yup. _

**...I think this conversation has turned slightly inappropriate.**

_The bagel approves!!!_

**A/n: Sorry for the lack of updates, it was the last week of school, and now IT'S OVER! High school, here I come :)**

**I graduated (elementry school) with straight A's, an English award and a French award :) A nice top to the year.**

**Inspiration for this was I went to Bre's cottage, and I was discussing a guy in my class's vagina (He took a 'what vagina do you have' quiz). It was funny, and the comments were straight from an MSN convo. Oh, and the moose thing was because Bre almost got attacked by a moose xD **

**Anyways, here you go :) Reveiw please xD (OMG, 2000 reviews. Amazing!!!!)**


	100. Cows don't swoon, Edward

_YO YO YO BELLA IN THE HIZZZZZZY!_

**Hello Bella.**

_OMGZZZERS! They're decreasingggg the likelihood of living through flight accident!!!!_

**...why would they do that?**

_So people can LIVE silly!_

**...that's not how it works, love. **

_D: Yuuuss! Anyway, moving on._

**To what?**

_The bumble bre tried to push me into a swimming pool._

**...What did you do?**

_I wrote a story in which she lost her virginity. _

**You brought it upon yourself then.**

_Kinda. OH I IZ STALKER WOMAN!_

**  
I realize. Why bring it up?**

_Because...I went to see Lance the Singing Skating Smurf that steals stuff that starts with S who works for the evil mutant lawn gnomes (I think) that are in allegiance with THE FRUIT LOOPS THAT ARE TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Me and Alice saw an ad in the paper for him singing in Harmony Square and were like YO LET'S GO STALK HIM and danced to Footloose :D 'Twas amazing._

**...I see. I have to say, love, that story is fairly odd.**

_Well DUH it's odd. It's me._

**  
Well, that does explain it.**

_OOH OOOH !_

**What?**

_Idunno. I thought the space in our conversation needed to be filled with well placed shouts._

**I thought you had come up with some bagel remark to end the conversation.**

_But...don't you want to talk to me?? -sniff-_

**Well this isn't really talking love. **

_...Cows don't swoon, Edward._

**Um, okay?**

_BUT THEY DON'T! FO SERIOUS! They go BOOOOOBS like that. No swooning involved._

**Er...I don't think cows say boobs.**

_Of course they don't say boobs! That would be silly. They go BOOOOOBS. With the capitals and extra vowels._

**Look at that, we're almost done this notebook.**

_OMG WUT HAPPENED? DID THE PAPER MONSTER EAT IT ALL? _

**No...we have 100 pages in the notebook. We've had 100 conversations. **

_I CAN HAZ NEW NOTEBOOK?_

**Yes, you can...haz new notebook.**

_A SPARKLY ONE?_

**...Sure.**

_  
A SPARKLY PINK ONE?_

**Fine with me.**

_A SPARKLY PINK VAMPIRE ONE?_

**That might be slightly hard to find...**

_A SPARKLY PINK VAMPIRE BAGEL SHAPED ONE?_

**...I'll see what I can do.**

_A SPARKLY PINK-_

**A/N: Btw the notbook ran out, that's why she stopped in the middle. NOW WE HAVE ANOTHER CHOICE TO MAKE. I know, choices are hard.**

**  
Should I: **

**A) Continue Notes Galore in this story **

**or**

**B) Continue Notes Galore in a different story, making it Notes Galore 2**

**?**

**Don't get me wrong, either way I'm continuing due to an overwhelming majority vote earlier this year. The poll will be on my profile shortly.**

**Okayokayokay. More business. I LOVE reviews. Really, I do. But when my spam box in my email has 112 because the same person reviewed every chapter of this and Big Brother Cullen (btw The real big brother is back so updates on that front will be soon.) I don't really love them so much. Kay? I still love you all incredibly, and since my favorite pastime (a game web site) account was deleted (I DID NOT BREAK THE RULES. THEY LIE D:) , I'll be updating out of pure boredom. So yeah, reviews are awesome. When they're like, one every few chapters. But I'm sure you get the picture.**

**KAY! Sorry, now that all my business is done, inspiration! Lance. xD I went to his show in Harmony square (a skating rink/outdoor community center thing with a stage, outdoor movies, dancing, really cool.) cuz we saw an ad in the paper and mom was like "LET'S GO STALK LANCY PANTS!" and so we went and danced to Footloose and such. Just so he would be like, "Ily Sarah!!!" cuz he's our skating coach too. (New one, not drunken purple lady :D) But then Matt (my bro) wouldn't hold my hands to dance more so I kicked him and sat down and ate marshmallows and starburst :D. Err...moving on.**

**They increased the chance of survival in a plane crash here in Canada (Erm...it was a yahoo article, I didn't actually read it. So don't ask me HOW.) But I thought it said "decreased". I was like LOLWUT why would they do that??? But yeah, it was increased xD**

**Kay, Bre's moving away (Half an hour away, not a HUGE deal) so I wrote her a going away-story-presant thing. In it, she lost her virginity NO I DID NOT DO IT THAT WAY IT SAYS AND I QUOTE:**

**"****"Well, last year, Em met Kade and he attempted to do what all meat heads do, take her virginity.****Once he did so, she promptly found this slut's lips all over him." She gestured to Saph.**

**"Hey! Ignore her. Em opened my door to ask for god knows what, and saw Kade grab me and kiss me. Luckily enough she waited there long enough to see me slap the bastard. And, well, I might have set his hair on fire. You know, just for a minute." Saph grinned at the memory. **

**"So, he cheated on you. With your own sister."" **

**UNQUOTE. Okay. (Yes it is a twi-continuation. Yes, it was written in two weeks with five chapters and over fifty pages in word. Yes, it fails. Yes, I will post it here if you guys REALLY want me to. Yes, CW helped with ideas and such.) So she like, tried to push me in a pool D: Depressing. **

**Anyways, (this A/N is too long xD) I'm reading this book and I opened it to a random page and it says "Cows don't swoon, Alice." (NOT CULLEN ALICE. ALICE MASTERS. SISTER OF LILY MASTERS.) Soo, I read the whole book (stayed up till 4 a.m, thankyouverymuch.) and she's referring to this guy making their friend swoon. It's called "To love a thief" if you're interested.**

**Sparkly notebook, CW's idea, don't know why xD**

**Paper monster someone else's. I can't find your pen name SORRY D: I should really write these things down. **

**"BOOOOOBS" thanks to my all time favorite t.v show, The Tonight Show with Conan O'brian, a few nights back (Monday June 13th)'s episode in reference to people in the audience booing some female fertility drug scandal, and Andy's like "They didn't say boo. They said booooobs." And then I wrote boo instead of moo and stuck with it.**

**-takes deep breath- That A/N was bigger than the story xD Kay, so, review (not too much D:) And sorry if I made the continuous-reviewers feel bad inside. Seriously, I love you. -gives you a 'feel better plz' cookie- AND! If you're still here, subscribe to Author Alert, JUST INCASE 100 is the max amount of chapters you can have, so I can make a sequel and junk if need be. **


	101. Emmett is a fail

_Yosife brosife_

**Erm...pardon?**

_  
SECRET BELLA-ALICE LANGUAGE! YOU MAY NOT KNOW :O!_

EDDDWWWWWAAAAAAARRRRRRRDDDDDDD!

**...Yes, Emmett?**

I HAD AN OOPSY!

_...OMG AN OOPSY? WTF??_

I...ran over my blackberry with a lawn mower.

**Emmett, how???**

I dunno.

**Bella! Breathe!**

_I...am...HAHAHAHAHHA!_

Oh, that's not the worst part...

**Good god Emmett what next?**

I flushed the keys to your Volvo down the toilet in Tim Hortons...

**WHAT????**

_Hahahahaha! Oh...my..HAHAHAHA...god Emmett!_

**Why were you in Tim Hortons in the first place!?!??!**

I felt like throwing donuts at random people.

**WHY WERE YOU IN THE WASHROOMS???**

I was stalking this guy and pretended to go to the bathroom, and sat and made constipated sounds and thennnnn I stood up AND I WATCHED THE KEYS GO AROUND AND AROUND!

**-at this point Bella is laughing so hard she's red and can't write-**

**You'd better run, Emmett.**

I know.

_HAHAHAHAHAAA! OMIGOSH!!!! Next he's going to trip on a -_

**-sound of crash as Emmett falls- **

_Bagel._

**A.N: Kay. Number One: Don't TELL me what option you want (new story or same one) go vote in the poll on my profile!**

**  
Two: You misunderstood me D: I was talking before to the people who within two hours or so in the middle of the night review every chapter of every story so I wake up with over 100 spam messages. The people who review every chap as they come out are awesome. **

**Three: My dad mowed over his blackberry and flushed his keys down the toilet in Tim Hortons (a coffee shop for anyone who doesn't live near one). So yeah, he's a fail.**


	102. Yet another charity

**A/N: Okay, here are the resaults:**

**In TOTAL:**

**  
Same story- 76%**

**New story- 24%**

**No story at all- 0% **

**So, you guys decided it :D. I'm keeping it in the same story. Thanks to all who voted!!**

_WHY IS THE A SILENT AT THE END OF COCOA?_

**Erm...I don't know. Why do you ask?**

_Because it made me sad. What if you were that A, Edward? Huh? How would YOU feel? _

**I would feel...sad? I guess?**

_Yeah! So, we need to have a charity._

**...I thought you already HAD a charity.**

_And it was very successful. But I want an "A in Cocoa" charity!_

**Wait, the stick figure charity was successful???**

_Mmhmm._

**Where's my cut?**

_  
NO! NONPROFIT CHARITY CHILD! NON PROFIT!_

**Right. **

_MOVING ON TO THE NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS._

**  
Which is what? **

_Oh, I want to beat you up. So does Chicken Wing._

**  
What? Why??**

_No, not YOU you, just Robert Pattinson._

**Oh, well I understand the wish to do that, but what did he do to make Chicken Wing angry?**

_  
He got hit by a taxi. HIS FACE WITH FURTHER RUIN THE MOVIE! Srs._

**It would have ruined it anyway.**

_Wow, Edward, you're very participating-ish today!_

**And you're rather not crazy hyper today.**

_Emmett hasn't gotten me my candy yet D:_

**...Right.**

_Anyways, CW and I were at the mall with Alice, and we were PLOTTING. We were like, going to lure him into the mall, along with Ashley and Jackson,_

**Who?**

_Alice and Jasper actors, and THEN we beat Rob up, and ask for the other two's autographs and kick Robs face! Cuz then we'd be FAMOUS for being the two thirteen year olds that creamed him!_

**That would be quite a record.**

_Mmhmm. I was thinking we'd pelt him with bagels, don'tcha think?_

**That would be fitting.**

**A/N: xD Convo with CW actually happened, and I saw that commercial for Cocoa rice krispies and the one elf dude is like "Cocoa. The A is silent." and I asked my friend Pissy-Chrissy why it was so, and she said she didn't know, so I wanted to start a charity for the A.**


	103. The Name Game

_OKAY I WANT TO BET YOU EMMETT._

Okay, you're on!

_I bet I can rhyme ANY name in the WORLD!_

OKAY! FINE! I'll give you...TWENTY-FIVE CENTS IF YOU CAN RHYME THE NAME....EMMETT!

_Emmett!_

_Emmett, Emmett bo Bemmett Bonana fanna fo Femmett_

_Fee fy mo Memmett, Emmett!_

...wut? I DON'T GET IT!

_The first letter of the name, I treat it like it wasn't there_

_But a B or an F or an M will appear_

_And then I say bo add a B then I say the name and Bonana fanna and a fo_

_And then I say the name again with an F very plain_

_and a fee fy and a mo_

_And then I say the name again with an M this time_

_and there isn't any name that I can't rhyme_

OKAY, WELL RHYME...BOB! FRED! MARY!

_HA! I can do that! If the first two letters are ever the same,_

_I drop them both and say the name like_

_Bob, Bob drop the B's Bo ob_

_For Fred, Fred drop the F's Fo red_

_For Mary, Mary drop the M's Mo ary_

_That's the only rule that is contrary!_

Wait...YOU TRICKED ME! THAT'S A SONG!

_Hahahahahahaha, YOU OWE ME TWENTY FIVE CENTS! One of those new quarters WITH A BAGEL ON IT!_

**A/N: It's called The Name Game by Shirley Ellis. My mom was singing it, and told me it was a song, and I was like, NO IT IS NOT LIAR. But it is D: So, yeahhh. I'm BORED D: So now I'm writing random chapters of this xD**


	104. REJECTED!

WTF Bella! That almost-kinda-sorta annoyed my skin!

_You mean hurt?_

I wouldn't go that far.

**Erm...ouch?**

_Yay, I hurt Eddy-poo!_

SUCCESS!

_Shut up Emmett. You are REJECTED_

Bu-

_Rejected._

**Erm...rejection aside, why are you flinging rubber bands at people?**

_Because it's fun. Duh_

We-

_REJECTED!_

F.U!

_REJECTED!_

Ooh! What was that for Jingle?

_YOU ARE LATE. Rejected._

Don't worry, I'm rejected too.

_REJECTED CHILDREN CANNOT TALK._

Then why are YOU talking??? HAHAHAHA

_Rejected._

**Rejected Emmett. Rejected.**

  
Thanks a lot bro.

**You're welcome.**

Bell-

_RE-f-ing-JECTED!_

**Would you like me to enforce it love?**

_  
Yus pleeeeeease_

If I give you a bagel will you stop rejecting me...?

_Hmm...FINE ALLYPOO IS UNREJECTED!_

Bu-

_REJECTED!_

**A/n: I found this stuck under my desk from a while ago! But I remember why I wrote it xD My brother (Mista Gnomey...xD) did something to me, and I told him he was rejected, and every time he spoke I shouted rejected. Then my other brother walks in, and I go "You're late, REJECTED." and Mista Gnomey goes "Don't worry, I'm rejected too." It was funny :D**


	105. Emos and Star Wars

**A/N: Wow, first top-note in a whillee. It's just that credit for this chapter ideas goes to "**Jasper Hale is an Emo Kid**".**

_MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, EDWARD._

**...What?**

_Mmhmm. YOU ARE SPOCK! Oh...wait, that's Star Treck. NEVERMIND. You can be Darth Vader._

**...I have a feeling Alice showed you Star Wars.**

_OMGZ! EDWARD! _

**Yes?**

_YOU HAVE A LIGHTSABER IN YOUR PANTS! _

**-She points to his manly area, causing Emmett to start laughing like a crazy person.-**

**Erm...**

_OMG CAN I SEE IT? Please?_

**No. You may not. I don't have a lightsaber in my pants. Trust me. **

_But I wanted to play with the lightsaber!_

**...Let's get off this topic. **

_  
PARTY POOPER! _

**-She begins pelting him with bagels.-**

_Oh, bagels. Does that mean the conversation is OVER AND SUCH SAD THINGS?_

**  
It doesn't have to be, love.**

_OKAY. Jazzy Wazzy with the frazzy hairy-azzy..._

_**Yuuus, Bella? **_

_WHY IS YOUR HAIR BLACK AND SUCH? AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING WONDER'S MAKEUP?_

_**Oh, I'm going emo. And and and and...**_

**Get on with it.**

_**I AM IN LOVE WITH MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE.**_

_OMG THAT'S MY FAVORITE BAND! Wait...who are they?_

_**YOU ARE A CLUELESS CHICKEN.**_

**Whoa, what was that, Jazz? Did Bella infect you?**

I_** AM AN EMPATH. OF COURSE I AM INFECTED BY HER HYPER MOOD.**_

_I AM LIKE, A BUGGY! Wheeee! I can fly!_

**No, you can't. Good lord. If you hurt her Jazz, I swear...**

**-Jasper grabbed Bella and lifted her high in the air and ran around so she could 'fly', and make airplane noises, like little kids do.-**

_That was fun :D _

_**SO LONG AND GOOD NIGHT...TO BAGELS!**_

_OMG BAGELSBAGELSBAGELSBAGELS!_

**You two are-**

_THAT WAS THE ENDING BAGEL COMMENT, EDWARD._

**  
Oh.**

**A/N: Okay, well like I said, most of that was inspired by **Jasper Is An Emo Kid**. I didn't feel like making and uploading two chapters, so I made both ideas into one xD**

**ANYWAY! Very few people noticed (Two to be exact) that a few chapters back, Bella said (and I quote) "Cuz then we'd be FAMOUS for being the two thirteen year olds that creamed him!" xD So yeah, but saying eighteen doesn't have the same effect, so I'm leaving it. I'd like to congradulate the two who caught it and told me (I didn't notice until **_xXKyle CullenXx_** showed me) **_SlightlyGayPirate _** and **_xXKyle CullenXx_** :D YOU TWO ARE NICE PEOPLE.**

**Anyways, I'd also like to say... THE BUMBLE BRE COMES BACK MONDAY AFTER TWO WEEKS AT CAMP :D *dances* Big Brother chapters will be coming soon, once I get competition ideas. :) So, if you have a good idea for that (Big brother, I mean) PM me, PLEASE. And- I just found out- in California (where I will be vacationaning for a week this summer, in August..) my aunt is as much of a computer obsessed freak as I am, and so...I'll have access to a computer :D So, there will be chapters about my experiances :D But that's like a month away, so...yeaah. Long a/n D: **


	106. Gothic Tinkerbell and Lampshade man

**A/N: BELLA IS IN A BAD MOOD, BECAUSE STALKER CHICK IS ODD :(**

_Omigosh. _

**Any note that begins with that cannot be good.**

_  
YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO TRIED TO DEAL WITH THE STALKER CHICK._

**...stalker chick?**

_Mmhmm._

**Care to enlighten me?**

_Kaaayy. We were in the park, and OF COURSE Poss's-_

**...Poss?**

_  
POSSUM. Gawd Edward, keep up. THE AUTHOR OF THIS WONDERMENT. POSS RHYMES WITH BOSS, AND AWES, WHICH IS LIKE HALF OF AWESOME, AND POSSUM RHYMES WITH AWESOME TOO SO POSS IS THE AWESOME BOSS._

**Oh. That Poss.**

_YES. SOOOO Poss's brothers started hitting on Chicken Wing at the park-_

**....the fictional character's siblings were hitting on the other fictional character?**__

INTERRUPTING IS RUDE, EDWARD. ALMOST AS RUDE AS THE GOTHIC TINKERBELL.

**...Gothic Tinkerbell?**

_WE WILL GET TO IT IN TIME. NOWWW. Chicken Wing told Mista Gnomey and Mr. Sock-_

**Mr. Sock?**

_POSS'S OTHER BROTHER. Stop the interruptions. THEY MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE PUDDING, EDWARD. _

**...Okay, Mr. Sock it is.**

_Right. So Chicken wing told them to hit on someone their own age and THIS RANDOM GIRL COMES OVER, AND SHE'S LIKE EIGHT, OR YOUNGER, AND BATS HER EYELASHES AND GOES "Niiiceee Kittteeee..:)" Like that D:_

**She was flirting with...the brothers of Poss?**

_YES, EDWARD._

**I see...**

_SO SHE STARTS FOLLOWING US AROUND BEING ALL "I liiikee kiiittteeess....;D" And it's like, dude, no. Just no. _

**...Right. **

_EDWARD, STOP THE ...'s. YOU HAVE ANGERED LAMPSHADE MAN._

**...Who?**

_/oO\ Lampshade man is appalled, Edward._

**...**

_OMIGOSH DUDE. oO LAMPSHADE MAN IS SO APPALLED THAT HE HAS COME OUT OF HIS LAMPSHADE. GOOD JOB._

**Who is lampshade man???**

_/o.O\ Him. And when he gets angered, he turns into /oO\ that. Gothic Tinkerbell is just as upset with you, Eddy. You are misbehaving today D:_

**...who?**

_OMIGOSH DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING? Gothic Tinkerbell was a tinkerbell picture on a poster than Bumble Bre and me passed, BUT IT WAS GOTH. _

**Oh, I see.**

_oO :( SEE YOU MADE THEM ANGRY._

**...Must you make random keyboard smilies and name them?**

_:( Gothic Tinkerbell doesn't like you, Eddy. You better run. She's got bagel powers. _

**A/N: xD xD xD Kk, so Gothic Tinkerbell, was exactly what it says there, a poster of this random Goth tinkerbell (CHICKEN WING, THE POSTER WAS FOR THE ROCK'N SMILES!!! Everyone else, ignore that xD) Lampshade man was Chicken Wing's invention, andddd Stalker Chick is blamed soley on the random Stalker Chick that did exactly what I said in that storyyy. Kk? Reviewww :D**

**If they don't show up, the smiles are: Lampshade man: Slash, capital O, weird pointy bracket or period, depending on what his mood is, small o, backslash. Gothic Tink: Weird pointy braket, colon, left bracket.**


	107. GOING TO BOYFRIENDS' R 'US BRB

**A/N: Sorry about the whole not-posting-chaps thing. I'll tell ya why in the bottom AN. In the mean time, CHICkEN WING IS PARTICIPATING IN THIS CHAPER, SO SHE'S** _**CHICKEN WING.**_

_Emmett, Chicken wing doesn't have a boyfriend :O_

OMIGOSH REALLY?

_**What am I supposed to do, walk into Boyfriends'R'us and buy one?!!?**_

_KAY._

**-About a minute of silence passes while they try to plot something to do-**

_**Dudes I'm bored fix it NOW**_

_I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE TO BOYFRIENDS'r'US?_

_**There is no such thing think child**_

_D: RLLY?_

_**Yeah.**_

_Too bad for you. Cuz you need it!!!!!!_

_**Bella did u no frezzies are cold???? cuz they r!**_

_REALLYY??? I didn't know!!!_

_**Well they r !!! and purple is the best!!!**_

_D: no way dude. White is SKILLAGE_

_**no dude purple it is all purple-e**_

_No but white tastes like...iunno, whats it called? the pink soda D:_

_**cream soda??? lol but purple is all amazin and it has super powers!!!**_

_YES i knew it was creamsomething. No, chrissy has tear finding super powers. member?_

I WAS NOT LET IN ON THIS! WHO IS CHRISSY?

_Silly Emmy-bum, Pissy-Chrissy is another character who found a tear in the ocean! SO SHES GOT SUPA POWERS!_

_**OKAY ANYWAYS but purple has turn ur tounge purple powers it is allmost as mazin as bagels!!**_

_:O YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!11_

_**Neverrr!!!!!! no what i am not allowing u too eat any freezies anymore!!**_

_D: BUt I lIke freezies_

_**too bad ur not aloud to have any. dude lets do sumthin**_

_Go to boyfriends'R'us and get a takeout order for the Bumble Bre??_

_**idk ur the one who can see the futuer!!**_

_:O i CAN???_

She can WHAT??!?!?!?

_**yus i took away freezies so i gave u a power and it just so happens to be seeing the futuer**_

D: NO THAT''S MY THING.

_My future thing says..."YOU WILL BUY ME A FREEZIE"!!!_

_**NO ok so what do we do??**_

_*looks into future* Um, throw freezies at random passerby?_

_**Mmkay sounds like fun.**_

_Oooh let's throw bagels too!!_

**- They run out of the house, and into the store to buy freezies and bagels. After that they sat on a street corner, grinning until Jessica walked by. She gasped when a cold form splattered in her face, followed by a thunk on the back of the head.**

**"THE SKY IS FALLING!" She shreiked, throwing her arms up and running around in circles. "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" She ran away, and Bella gasped.**

**"IT IS CHICKEN LITTLE." She declared, pointing at Jessica. Many heads turned. "GET HER!" For some reason, possibly because the author of the story said so, everyone turned and began to chase Jessica. Edward randomly comes in-**

**What the...? What are you doing???**

_EDWARD I ALREADY ENDED THIS NOTE NO MORE TALKING._

**But...who have you been TALKING to?**

_Chicken wing and Emmett and then Alice for a little bit why?_

**But...Chicken wing doesn't exist!**

_**Yes I do /oO\**_

_EDWARD!!!! Did he faint?_

_**Idk :O I think so**_

_Aww crud he was gonna buy me a bagel too D:_

_**YOU ALREADY SAID YOUR BAGEL THING SHUDDUP.**_

_Make me!_

**-They get in a random cat fight and the story ends :O-**

**A/N: The first part (the bfs'r'us and freezies) of that was pretty much copy/pasted from my MSN. **

**INSPERATION! Kay, umm, the chat speak was because I was too lazy to edit CW's failure attempts at speech. **

**The tear-super-powers was because I made an icon with chrissy and her ex on it, saying "Once I droppd a tear into the ocean. The day I find it is the day I stop loving you." So she goes 'looks like I found that tear' and we were like "That was not possible. This is the point :O.' and Sabby goes 'BUT I CAN FIND TEARS IN THE OCEAN,**

**CZ IM SECRETLY A SUPER HERO : D' And it goes on from there... It was odd.**

**AND! Boyfriends'r'us is like Toys'R'us...if you didn't know (idk what different countries have T_T) it's a toy store xD**

**Now, there are two (valid) reasons (Cw says: excuses) for why my updates have been infrequent. 1., School. First day of high school is in less than a week (CW: Gulp) so yeah it's scary D: 2. Boy issues, of course xD So, *hopefully* we will have more updates without delay, but my timetable goes "Math, Science, Geo, Gym," meaning three of the four "big" subjects with massive workloads are going to be packed into my first semester of high school, including a big 'must pass or no graduation' math exam type thing given by the board D: So yeah, not so thrilled. BUT ANYWAYS. Note stories. Hopefully. :P**


	108. The Azzle Friends

**A.N: Chicken wing will be here once again so you know **_**Chicken wing**_

_**WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE BUSHES BEHIND MY HOUSE?**_

_I was stalking you D: NOW COME SIT WITH ME SO I WILL NOT BE ALONE._

_**But then who will you stalk?**_

_...good question._

_**I SHALL SEND JASPER TO FIND EDDY-BEAR FOR YOU**_

_Good plan!_

_**Where am I being sent?**_

_**FETCH EDDYBEAR.**_

_**Err...yes ma'am...**_

**-a few minutes later-**

**WHAT'S WRONG? JASPER SAID THERE WAS AN EMERGANCY!**

_...I was lonely stalking Chicken wing in the bushes. IF YOU WANT TO BLAME ANYONE BLAME THE WALKING FOOD STICK OVER THERE._

_**I take offense to that statement!!!!**_

**-sigh- Okay, erm...Chicken Wing... you're in trouble.**

_-gasps- TROOUUUBBLLEE..._

_**Blame her for stalking me!!!**_

**But that's not an unusual occurance.**

_D: Well I wouldn't have to stalk you if you sat with me!_

_**I AM TIRED OF HAVING TO CHASE MY BFFECWAASSH OFF OF MY LAWN.**_

_OMIGOSH THAT WAS ONE TIME AND I LEFT BEFORE THE POLICE CAUGHT ME SO WHATEVER._

**...-worried look- GAH whatever!**

_You frazzled my poor Eddy-kins._

_**Oh well he likes to dazzle I like to frazzle we are just the azzle friends.**_

_That was amazing ;O_

**...I think I'm going to go read or something. Maybe call a few mental asylums, ask Carlisle whether vampires can go mental. That kind of thing.**

_I LOVE TO CURL UP WITH A BAGEL AND A GOOD BOOK._

_**So do-**_

_THAT WAS THE END._

_**Sawwy!**_

**A.N: xD I just had to put the Azzle-friends here. That was pretty much one conversation with me and Chicken Wing xD gtzz. Anyways, school starts tomorrow. *gulp* And thanks for all the reassuring reveiws xD I love you all!**


	109. Swimming in the trampolineeee

A.N: Woooww, long time, no story! It's not me, it's HIGH SCHOOL XD Anywayss, this is literally c.p'ed from a convo with me and Michy-bear. Too lazy to do anything else xD

_MOOIIEEE_

Mooie? Is that a weird cowww?

_YUS_

_IT HAS RABIEES!_

_OMG RUN BEFORE IT EATCHU!_

_IT ATE CHU ALREADY _

_ITS FULL NOW_

_ILL HAVE TIME TO RUN_

_ITS BUSY EATING YOU_

3

But im in your tummeh so it can't eat me without eating youuu

SO YOU ARE EATEN AND SO I RAN AWAY BEFORE SO NOW I AM ALIVEEE

_NUOO_

_I POOPEED U OUT_

_3_

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

_um._

_last night =3_

_hehe_

_after dinner =3_

Ooooh :D Okay THEN RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OR HE'LLL EATCHUUUU :-O

MOOOOOOIEEE

_I ATE HIM_

_FIRST =3_

_Ooohh :-O Didn't he give you the fluu?_

_NUO_

_I ATE IT_

_AND THE RABIES.._

_RAN AWAY..O.O_

you ate the fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu? Shame on youuu :-O

_YOU ATE IT_

_IT JUMPED ON YOU_

3

_:-O NOOOO :(_

_YUUUSSS_

_ITS A FLEEEAAA_

_FLEEAAAYINGGG_

OH NO RUN AWAY FROM THE FLEAYING FLEAEAA :-O

_it chase you !_

_IT JUMP ON YOU_

_IT ATE CHU ..O.O_

_NOOOOD: I RUN FASTERRRRRRRRRRRRR_

_nuo_

_IT HOPPED ON YOU_

_AND IT POOPED.O.O_

:-O OH NO I GOTS FLEA POOP ON MY HAIRRRR :{

_YUS_

_IT RUIN IT =3_

_MR NOODLED HAIR_

D: NOOO MY PRETTY NOODLE HAIRRR

_heheheh_

_it nuoo delicious nuoo more ;p_

_it has flea pooop in it_

_NO WAITTT_

_fleas eat_

_plankton_

_O.O_

:-O But plankton are in water and fleas are on lannnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddd :-O

_water flea? .. land plankton?_

planktons can't walk...O.O

_the one in spongebob. wait no its underwater_

_but_

_still_

planktons are like microscopic :-O

_um._

_SUO ARE FLEAS_

_nuo_

_but still_

_close enouigh right? _

Sure close enufff xD

_RUFF_

_RUFFFIIEE_

_RUFF!!!!_

_ENOUGH AND RUFF RHYMES_

xD Tweet tweeeettt, ruff ruff, moooieee

_MOOIEE, MAD COW_

:-O

_im .. into LALA LAND_

:-O I wanna be in LALA land!

_LALALALALALALA_

_BOAATTINGG_

_IN THE CLOUDSSS_

_LALALLA_

:-O Oohh fun

_yusuuuussseeriieee_

_then you fall. and die. O.O_

_suo dunt fall_

_X.X_

D: I dun wana fal

_then hang on_

_to ur cloud !_

MY PRETTY CLOUDDD

BROKE

_hehe_

_X.X_

_then you fall...O.O_

_and i catch you !_

_on myy cloud!_

_then my cloud breaks_

_and we both fall_

_:-O_

_then we fall on a trampoline_

_and we swim in it_

O.O

Swim in it?

_yus_

_swim in the trampoline =33_

As long as there are bagels :O

_OF COURSE :D_

**A.n: Umm...yeaaa...Michy-bear is my new friend, and she's more random than bre and c.w put together xD Sooo much to talk about :O**

**It's been so long, but high school is deadly :O Omg, I'm dying. I have SO many friends, and all of my fears have been erased, and I think there is only one thing left to do...SURVIVE D: **

**So, yeah, it's fun. Scary, but fun xD Everyone pretty much ignores you at my school :O Everyone's in their own little world. Only one guy in like a month has been all "what are you looking at???" all scary, but I was just reading his shirt xD It was funny. **

**I'd tell you more but I'm half asleep. I can't promise more stories soon because I literally spend three hours and up on homework (Math, geo, science, and gym . Why must all the sucky ones be in first semester?) **

**Kayy, review, I know it's bad, but I wanted to do this while I remembered xD Oh, btw, laptop, getting used to a PC, don`t yell at me if formatting junk happens xD**


	110. Okay what species is Elmo!

ELMOS WORLD, SHE LOVES HER GOLDFISH, AND HER CRAYON TOOO!

_Alicee...Elmo is male :O_

NO! She is a girl!

_...No he isn't._

Wtf Edward, is Elmo male or female!?!?

**Erm...it's a boy.**

_SEE!_

Okay fine WHATEVER.

_Wait... __What IS elmo anyway? barney is a dino, so what is elmo??? :-O_

ELMO IS.. A ..

UM

I DUNNO!!

OMGSH!!

_Im tryinnaa figure it out!!_

Wow.. i never thought of that!

_Nothing on the internet says anythingg_

HAHAHAH!!

YOU LOOKED IT UP?

HAHAHHAA

_Yuss. EMMETT! _

_ME AND ALLY BEAR CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT SPECIES ELMO IS! _

I think he's a red black bear 

_But you can't have a red BLACK bear!_

monkey?

LOL

BEAR?

MONKEY?

_xD But him and cookie monster look the same so they have to be the same but cookie monster is BLUE _

_NO HE IS NOT A MONKEY :-O_

then whats the cookie monster??

a cookie?

O.O

_IDK D: there's apparently a bug called the elmo insect :-O_

:-O

REALLY????

IS IT RED?

_idk D: hold on_

LOL

_'parently it's extinct xD_

HAHAHAHAAH

ooh..

How come?

elmo ate it?

Hahah

_:IO OMG THAT IS SO WHY IT'S CALLED THE ELMO INSECT :3_

HAHAHAHAHAHAH

YEEAH !

_Carlisle says he has no species xD_

LMAO !!!

HAHAHAH

you asked dad?

_yus :D Cuz Esme didn't know xD _

science..:-O

_D: THIS IS A NO BUBBLE BURSTING ZONE. STEP AWAY FROM THE HAPPY BUBBLE!_

_:-O_

LOL

HAHAHAHAH

SCIENCE D:

BURST

POP

:-O

D:

hehehe

_But seriously i've asked like four people and NO ONE KNOWS! ROSALIE! WHAT IS ELMO?_

_He is a mentally challnged ticklish RETARD_

:-O

LOL

LMAO!!!

AWEEE

SO MEAN

ELMO IS AMAZING

_I KNOW D: _

hahah

_We need to make an elmo-is-love club! :-O_

YSEEEEAHAHH

_his voice is so .. YUCK_

_Cuz he's a puppet. DOn't blame elmo for the weirdo with their arm stuck up his butt _

BELLABUNNY AND ALLY BEAR LOVES EMO

_:-O_

_TOTALLY :-O _

_xD_

: D

i meant elmo

not emo.. LOL

_xD lol\_

_: D_

hhahaha myy badd !

_But I love emos too ;D_

LOL

REALLY?

:-O

_oH YEAA :D Shmexy_

ooh yeeah ! :P

_xD Yummyy xD ahaaa_

HAHAH

YUMMY?

O.O

LOL

_YUS YUMMEH ;D_

_:-O_

HOW?

EMOS ARE YUMMEH?

_LMAO_

_YUS, EMOS AND ELMOS :D_

LMAO!!!!!!

EMOS...O.O

HAHAH

_:L Yus xD_

Ew.

_YOU LOVE EMOS YOU FAKERR, YOU MARRIED JAZZEH PIE._

Truee

**I think this conversation needs to be ended.**

_Okay. Edward, you may not be emo, but you're shmexier than a bagel _

**Er...thanks?**

**A/N: Ahaa, another convo with me and michy bear. Then Emmett is Ashley, and Rosalie is Mandy Candy, Carlisle and esme are my mom and dad xD That was an amazing convo. And the reason that saying 'science' is a bubble-burst, is because my average was 96% (A plus if you don't do the percent grades where you live) and I got 71% on a test (a low B) and EVERYONE failed, my mark was one of the highest, and does she let us have a retest? NOOOOOOOOOOOO, OF COURSE NOT, THAT WOULD BE THE NICE THING TO DO . **

**Anyways, now that I'm awake, I can do a better recap xD**

**There have been a lot of hilarious things happening with Manda Panda and me and Michy bear, like feeding homeless squirrels, following people around the school until the very last minute bell, and ice cream wars, so there'll be plenty of chapters just waiting to be written. Meanwhile, bear with me, because I'm new to this whole PC thing, and my formatting SUCKS, as I'm sure you could see from last chapter. Otherwise, you'll have to be patient, as I'm really, REALLY busy now and days, so chapters will come slowly xD**

**Oh, the random 3's last chapter were =3 faces that got cut off xD**

**And for all the curiosity out there, yes, the Bumble Bre is still my friend, and yes, we're hanging out on Wednesday, so yes, she will be featured in a chapter if anything funny happens. Happy?**

**Ahaa, review :P **


	111. Microorgasms

_OMG WTF _

**What's wrong, love?**

_MY FISH DIED D:_

**What fish???**

_The fish in science D: There were two guppies and they both DIED._

**...did you feed them?**

_The teacher said they could eat micro-orgasms._

**Erm....organisms, love.**

_You sure? I'm pretty sure it was orgasms._

**...no. No, no, no.**

_Awwz. Kay. Well, she killed them X.X_

**Okay. **

'_Cause there weren't any micro orgasms around._

**...**

_:-D Blame Emmett._

**I already do. For sooo many things.**

_ME AND MICHYBEAR-_

**..another one?**

_Yus now don't steal the paperrr. ME AND MICHYBEAR WERE TALKING ABOUT MICRO-ORGASMS AND CONDOMS._

**...How did you get onto that subject?**

_Cuz we were discussing Condoms. You know, the houses?_

**...condos?**

_NO, GAWSH EDWARD. CONDOMS._

**...I forbid you from seeing this Michy Bear.**

_NO. IT IS NOT MY FAULT I HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO EXPERIANCE MICRO ORGASMS AND CONDOMS._

**End the note, now.**

_YOU CAN'T MAKE ME._

**Bagels. There, the end.**

**A.N: xD Ummmm, long story?**

**In science, we had to make closed ecosystems. In a pop bottle. So we got a plant thing, dirt and two fish. We were told the plant would be eaten by micro-organisms, and then the fish would eat that. Do you think ANYBODY'S fish survived? Nope. Not a single one D: So, for the next week we get to observe the carbon cycle of two dead fish in the bottom of a pop bottle. Fun?**

**Aha, okay, the fun part. We got a worksheet, a fill in the blank thing, and I accidentally said 'mircro-orgasms' instead of organisms. xD So Michybear laughed at me, and then proceeded to tell a story about how she was really tired and doing a project on condos, and every time she tried to write 'condo' she'd accidently put 'condom' and she didn't realize it until she got it back xD **


	112. Raping Taylor and burning Rob

_EDWARD._

**Yes?**

_Come help us D: I can't work a lighter._

**A LIGHTER? Bella, no! Lighters and vampires do not mix!**

_Shush, you silly girl. We're burning his face._

**I do NOT like this! ISABELLA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE LIGHTER?**

Don't have a spazz attack Eddy, we're just having a little fun!

**You are allowing her to use a lighter, with vampires. Doesn't sound like "just having fun" to me!**

_WE ARE JUST BURNING ROB'S FACE._

**Who in the world is Rob!?!?!**

ROBERT PATTINSON!

**Oh. THAT Rob.**

_Yups. We're burning his face._

**Not that I don't wish you would, but isn't that blatantly against the law?**

_Well, yeah, kind of. So we're just burning a poster._

**Oh, okay. That, I'll allow. As long as you aren't the one handling the lighter.**

Aww, you ruin all our fun, Eddy.

**At least I'm letting you play with fire!!!**

True, true.

_I wanna rape him :O_

**Rob???**

_NO, Eww gross, Eddy! WHY PUT THAT IN MY HEAD? Blech, now it's stuck there D: I want to rape Taylor Lautner!_

**...I don't agree with you raping people, Bella.**

_Unless it's you?_

**Err...sure, Bella.**

_Yus Eddy is actually participating today, Ally!_

Shocking, ain't it?

**So, why exactly are you burning Robert?**

_...HOW COULD YOU ASK THAT QUESTION, EDDY? ARE YOU THAT DULL?_

**Well, I understand your hatred for him, but was there a particular event that drove you to it?**

_IN A MAGAZINE THERE'S A PAGE WHERE YOU CAN CUT OUT HIS FACE AND WEAR IT AS A HALLOWEEN MASK. ALICE WANTED TO WEAR IT FOR HALLOWEEN, TO SCARE LITTLE CHILDREN. He scares little children, Eddy! HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW MOON TRAILER? THE WOLVES RUN AROUND SHIRTLESS, AND IT'S LIKE WHOOOOO, AND THEN HE'S GONNA PULL A SUICIDE TRIP LIKE YOU-_

**Why can NO ONE ever let that go?**

_Because it's YOU, Eddy. All melodramatic and such. BUT ANYWAYS, HE WHIPS OFF HIS SHIRT AND ITS LIKE...VOMIT :O He ruined the moment, Eddy. AND HE SCARES LITTLE CHILDREN. So, we're gonna burn him._

**...alright.**

_I should toast a bagel while I'm at it!_

**Err...good luck with that. **

**A.N: DO YOU LOVE MY FRIENDS OR WHAT? The Rob-Halloween Mask thing happened, there was one in Ashley's magazine, and she was like "It scares little children :O" and so we decided that when we had a fire, we'd burn his face :D C.W was gonna burn Kirsten Stewart, while I was too busy cackling over the FLAMES OF HIS HEAD...Ahem. Yes. Good times. AND AND AND...was I the ONLY one who pronounced Voltouri as "Vol-ture-ee" like the bird Volture and then ee, and not "Vol-tOHr-ee" ?? Cuz, that made me really upset during the New Moon trailer, cuz EVERYONE pronounces it Vol-ture-ee. And then Rob shirtless made me want to vomit, but the wolves...*faint* Yeah, Rob is gross D: So, yeah...review :3**

**And I hung out with the Bumble Bre, but...idk, nothing really funny happened :O ...butt...REVIEW AND I WILL WRITE A CHAPTER ABOUT MICHELLE, BEN, AND THE WET DREAM...;D Yea, fun stuff. So, review!**


	113. Mishy, Ben, and the Wet Dream

**A.N: I'm sorry for the huge gaps between chapters T__T Boys, friends, skating and school. GAHH. But anyways, as promised, Mishy, Ben and the wet dream xD **

_Edward?_

**Yes, love?**

_What is a wet dream?_

**Err...when...-ahem-...a boy...gets...excited...should you not ask Charlie this?**

_Naw, I know what it is =D_

**Then why did you ask!?!?**

_Because it would lead up to this one..have YOU ever had a wet dream? _

**Errrr....no comment.**

_OMIGOSH EDDY HAS HAD A WET DREAM! _

**-silence-**

_I'm sawwy, I'll stop ____ But...I WANT TO ASK CHARLIE IF HE'S EVER HAD ONE_

**  
Good luck with that.**

_I WILL NEED THIS LUCK DON'T WORRY._

**Bella. Work.**

_WTF WHAT IS THAT TEACHER SAYING?_

**She's telling you to go to the desk at the back.**

_GAH. _

**-she asks Angela how her weekend was, and the teacher freaks-**

**-Out loud ;D** _Teacher_-

"_BELLA YOU ARE SHUNNED, ANGELA IF YOU DON'T WATCH IT YOU WILL BE IN THE SAME BOAT"_

Angela- "BUT I DID NOT DO ANYTHING! WHY MUST I GO INTO THE SHUNNED BOAT?"

"_I'm on a BOAT!" _

"_I love that song!"_

Class- "O_O"

"_THAT IS IT ANGELA TO ISOLATION ISLAND!"_

**-notes-**

_WAIT DOES SHE MEAN THIS DESK BACK HERE TOO?_

**Yes, I think that's the only Isolation Island we have.**

_D: BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS A BOAT._

**The shunned boat has crashed, leaving the survivors stranded on Isolation Island.**

**-Out loud ;D** _Teacher_-

_This is not an island _

_YES IT IS STOP TALKING_

_Nuo, it's surrounded by desks._

**It must be a peninsula.**

_Alright fine it is Isolation Peninsula HAPPY?_

_Yep as happy as a bagel in a swimming pool._

**-many strange looks come her way-**

_BAGELS GET HOT TOO, YOU KNOW._

**A.N: Okay, first part, imagine Ben as Edward and Mishy as Bella...that was pretty much the convo, but she's really innocent so she actually didn't know what it was and Ben had to explain it, I just don't feel like changing the rating on the story xD **

**Second part, xD Dakota, a guy in my Geography, talks to people a lot, right? And so there's this row of desks, and Dakota and Meet (another guy) got moved to them. So, then, Meet starts talking, and our teacher goes "DO NOT TALK TO HIM HE IS SHUNNED!". Then Dakota starts talking, and she goes "DON'T TALK TO HIM EITHER HE IS IN THE SAME BOAT!" and then Dakota goes "The shunned boat?". Then the next day, they're back to their normal desks, and Dakota starts talking again. So the teach goes "DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM ISOLATION ISLAND?" and I was like "WAIT I THOUGHT IT WAS A BOAT!" and Dakota says to me "Tragically, the shunned boat has crashed leaving the passengers stranded on Isolation Island." So, he gets sent to Isolation Island. But then, since it's like right across from the rest of the desks, he goes "Kay, this is not an island." And the teacher goes "okay, you live on Isolation Peninsula." **

**And when discussing the shunned boat, our geo teacher started singing that "IM ON A BOAT!" song and when were like, WHAT?, she goes "I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE YOUTUBE TOO!" xD**

**Sooo, yeah. Geo class is my favourite class because it's so hilarious xD Sorry for the huge A.N! Halloween tomorrow, Chicken Wing is trick or treating with me (YES WE ARE SO COOL THAT WE ARE GOING OUT TRICK OR TREATING IN HIGH SCHOOL GET OVER IT XD) and then sleeping over so it's gonna be fun with lots of note ideas. **


	114. AN ONLY PLAGERISIM IS ILLIGIAL

**AUTHERS NOTE ONLY ALERT. There is someone on PLAGERIZING my work. Right down to the Authors notes. The link is my fandoms .com/ browse/ home/fanfiction/ show/ 9951 without spaces of course. So, yeah, I'm mad. This is MY work, and be warned, 'London09', if you do it again, heads will roll.**

**Plagiarizing is against the law, and copyright laws in most places state that once your idea is out of your head and written somewhere, it's illegal for someone else to take it. I would much appreciate you stop breaking this law. **

**Sorry everyone else, notes will resume once I can straighten this out.**


	115. AN ONLY: NOTE TO LONDON09

**A.N: Thanks for all the support guys, I really love it.**

**Update: Anne/LONDON09...You're getting credit for MY work! You've never asked me to not only USE my ideas, like some people have, but to COPY MY STORY??? I would really appreciate it if the story was removed, or if you even just CONTACTED ME! PLEASE.  
**

**Honestly, it is against the law and I'm sure if I go to the right people, your account, and not only that story, will be deleted.**

**Sorry everyone else, but notes will resume when London09 takes that story down, or at least contacts me to discuss this. But thank you thank you THANK YOU for all the angry/supportive reviews I've gotten, I really love you. **


	116. YES, ANOTHER AN ONLY LAST I ONE PROMISE

**A.N: Still no results from London09. And guess what? I searched them on their site. THEY COPIED MY AIM STORY AS WELL....**

**Honestly. I want this solved. London09, I KNOW you read these notes, or you wouldn't be copying them. STOP THIS. I want the stories GONE. I can get authorities involved, but I'd rather not, and you know it. But that doesn't mean I won't. Just TALK TO ME, at the least! Why is sending me one measly message so hard for you to do? Worse comes to worst, I can get the story deleted, or delete this one. **

** This story makes people happy. It's not like you're winning anything. Lovely, so you get credited for work you didn't do. Whoppee. Yay you. What do you gain, at the end of the day? A few people online who read my work and tell you good job? It still makes it MY work. It still makes it MY praise. Just because you stick your name on it does NOT make you an author!**

**  
Tell me, London09. You've got a LOT of stories on there. Are every one of them copies? Are you just some lonely old man somewhere with no joy in your life, and so you copy off of others to feel special in some way? **

** I don't know your story. I don't know you. Maybe you're some compulsive criminal, used to breaking the law, but maybe you're some five year old who doesn't get it. All I know is that you've put YOUR name on MY work. I want it gone.**

** NG READERS: Notes will resume soon. I'm just going to have to suck it up and go to the people in charge of that site, or maybe even tell FanFiction that I've got some law breaking going on here. They can take care of it. Like I said, they don't gain anything from putting their name on it, it's still my work. I know that, and you know it. Too bad if they want to get their thrills. New note Friday at the latest, my lovelies. **

**PS: (It isn't on fanfiction, it's on another site called myfandoms. BUT PEOPLE! I tried registering an account and the email verification doesn't want to work. Someone want to make an account, **

**my fandoms . com without spaces, and help me out by sending our little friend a message from me? Thankiesss :D I LOVE YOU GUYS)**


	117. The war has been won! An actual note!

**A/N: Thank you so much guys!!! London09's account got deleted!!! I think it was thanks to **_**thatswhatsheesaid**_** , who made an account and helped me out by bringing it to the attention of the site's authorities. THANK YOU FROM THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY HEART. So everyone can enjoy some celebratory chocolate cake! –hands out cake- Yum! And, while you're eating your cake, here's a note story to enjoy! But, before we begin, let this serve as a lesson. Plagiarism is wrong, kiddies. Don't do it! xD**

_Edward, I want a vovlo._

**I thought you didn't want me to buy you a car?**

_But they're just so dang good at advertising!_

**...why? What have they done now?**

_Uhh...they certainly didn't come out with an Edward-Cullen-drives-a-volvo-so-you-should-too commercial nopeee nope!_

**...**

_I know. It's pretty pathetic. _

**Goodness. **

_EDDY! I am hungry. And stuff._

**Then let's go to the kitchen and get something for you.**

_But...I don't like the kitchen._

**...aalright, go to the living room and I'll bring you something.**

_...I don't like the living room, either._

**...go to your bedroom?**

_My bedroom is evil._

**Fine then wait in the hallway!**

_I don't believe in hallways!_

**....hallways are pretty hard to avoid, love**.

_HEY, EDWARD, I saw horses on the way home!_

**Off topic, but alright.**

_And we also saw...DAMN WHAT ARE THEY CALLED? The things that look like horses...but aren't. _

UNICORNS?

**...**

_No, that's not it! _

ZEBRAS?

_NO!_

**Ponies?**

_Yes, see, Edward is the brains in the pants._

**..I'm not even going to GO there. **

_That's pretty smart. OOH! Did you know that elephants don't exist?_

**They don't?**

_Nuo, it's a conspiracy. They're all lying to us. _

**But I've seen elephants.**

_SHHH! Keep quiet! I was lying, because I'm actually a spy. _

**...are you now.**

_Yes! _

**And what are you investigating?**

_Well, the elephants are trying to take over the world, you know. And so my job is to tell people that they don't exist. So that no one suspects them._

**-sigh- Let's go fetch some morphine or something, I think you've been up too late**.

_But...I don't believe in hallways, Edward._

**As you've mentioned. **

_Are you a boy, Eddy?_

**Errm....yes...**

_You don't seem so sure!_

EDWARD, ARE YOU SURE OF YOUR GENDER?

**Yes I am, actually.**

_Oh. Well then. I don't swing that way, Edward._

**What!?!**

_I can't marry a LADY!_

**I'm not a lady!!**

_But you're unsure of your manly gender, and you're hiding a moose in your hair._

**What!?! I see no moose!**

_-licks your hair- Yes, it's right there. It tastes like bananas. _

**...okay, let's go get that morphine.**

_I CAN'T GET OUT OF THIS ROOM._

**Why?**

_Because I don't believe in hallways. _

**  
You dislike living rooms as well, and yet here we are.**

_ARE YOU SHOOTING DOWN MY BELIEFS?_

**...Shall I fetch you a bagel, then?**

_...yes please._

**A.N: ahaa, so, this is baisically what London09 made you miss out on. Inspiration is a long one xD**

**So, I was watching t.v, and Rob Patz and Kirsten appear and Im like eeughh go away, and it's like "WHAT DRIVES EDWARD? A VOLVO!" It was a Volvo commercial. I mean, how low can you get???**

**Okay, and then, me and C.W were role playing (in person, with multiple characters, acting schizo, lots of fun!) and I was like "Okay, where's mom? In the kitchen?" and Bethany goes "She never goes in the kitchen." And I was like "Okay, she's in the living room!" and Bethany goes "She hates the living room." So I go "OKAY SHE IS IN THE BEDROOM." And Bethany goes "She doesn't like the bedroom!" so I go **

"**OMFG OKAY SHE IS IN THE HALLWAY!" and Bethany goes "She doesn't believe in hallways! She thinks they are morally wrong!" xD It cracked us up.**

**So, the other day, my bro came home from skating, and was like "I saw horses! And those ones that look like horses, but aren't, what are those?" and I go "UNICORNS?" and everyone looks at me and I go HEY IT COULD HHAPPEN! xD and mom goes "zebras?" and he goes 'PONIES!" and I was like Awww T__T xD**

** And THEN, while I was with my pedophile of a skating coach, he goes "Your brother told me yesterday that elephants don't exist!" and when I asked Michael, he was like "SHHH I LIED CUZ IM A SPY" and all that xD**

** Then Bethany decided that one of our role playing characters was unsure of his gender.**

** And finally, Michelle is friends with Dakota, and Dakota has some pretty kick ass hair, it's all curly and spiffy and such, right? Well, she said that he uses this moose stuff, and it tastes like bananas. So I was like "MOOSE? I KNEW HIS HAIR WAS BIG BUT I DIDN'T KNOW IT COULD HOLD A MOOSE!" and she was like "Noo, moose, like the hair product!" and I was like "..mousse?" and she was like "Yeah." And then I was like "Wait how do you know what his hair tastes like???" and she goes "I BIT HIS SHOULDER." And i was like "And licked his hair in the process?" and she goes "HIS HAIR IS BIG, OKAY?" xD It was very, very amusing. So, he's hiding a moose in his hair!.**

**xD Thanks everyone, review!**


	118. Do I glow in the dark?

_Edward._

**Yes?**

_I'm confused._

GENDER CONFUSED?

_No, Alice, I am sure of my gender, unlike Eddie boy. I'm confused about SOMETHING ELSE!_

**What are you confused about?**

_THE STARS ARE LIT UP_

**Well, since they are big balls of gas, and gas can give off light, it's all-**

_NO. Not the stars in the sky! I know that those are magical cows with a vengeance in disguise. NOW. The stars on my ceiling. WHY DO THEY LIGHT UP?_

**The glow-in-the-dark stars taped to your ceiling?**

_Obviously! WHY?_

**  
Because. They glow...in the dark. You see, they-**

_Blahhhh blah blah._

THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS, JINGLE

_OH OKAY._

**You choose that answer over mine?**

_Yeah, got a problem with that?_

**...-sigh- no.**

_THATS WHAT I THOUGHT. Hey, do I glow in the dark?_

**No.**

_CRUSH MY DREAMS MUCH, EDWARD. _

**Yes, of course you can, Bella. –sarcasm-**

_YEAA I KNEW IT. _

WE SHOULD TEST IT.

_KAY. _

**-she gets up and flips off the light-**

_DO I GLOW IN THE DARK?_

-heartbreak- Nope

_AWE. –checks mirror- I just look like Bella. But...you know, in the dark._

**Yeah. Humans aren't meant to glow in the dark.**

_WOULDN'T IT BE KICKASS IF INSTEAD OF SPARKLING, VAMPIRES GLOWED IN THE DARK?_

Pssh yeah totally amazing!

**-sigh- Sure, Bella. Kickass. **

_I bet my bagel glows in the dark!_

**A/n: Long time no note, sorry. BUT I HAVE REASONS!**

**1. I wrote a NaNoWriMo!!!! (if ya don't know, put dot org on the end of nanowrimo and read about it xD) So yeah! I wrote a freaking book...in 30 days! But, yeah, that made the poor notes suffer xD**

**2. I was abducted by aliens from the planet homework. So much work...so little time. D: It was saddening.**

**So, those are your reasons ;) Inspiration was that C.W's face was glowing cuz of her computer screen, so I was like "OMG DO I GLOW IN THE DARK?" and i turned the light out, and I was like "NO. I just look like Sarah...you know. In the dark." xD It was very amusing.**

**Anyways, this is just a thanks-for-being-patient-no-i-didn't-fall-off-the-earth chappie, the next one (i'll post it soon PROMISEEE) due to popular demand (five people requested it) will be –drumroll- Edward going hyper! Fun stuff xD But that'll take effort to write, 'cause I'm not sure quite how I'll do it. But, yeah, it's coming soon! **

**KAY, so if you want that one... review!!**


	119. SALLY AND JASPER TEAAAMMM UP!

**Teehee!**

_...Edward? Did you just GIGGLE?_

**Meeeyyybeeee ! Teehee!**

_What the heckers, I'M the hyper one!_

**It's your fault, with the bagels and such! Teehee, can I be a bagel?**

_Um..sure? This is creeping me out )=_

**Don't be creepered! Like...a spider! **

_OKAY WHAT THE HECK WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE DID YOU PUT EDWARD?_

**Teehee, EDWARD RHYMES WITH DUCK**

_No it doesn't...Oo_

**Well IT DOES NOW, BELLY**

_...ALICE_

Yessherrs?

_Edward is scaring me._

He scares EVERYONE.

**Teeheee, ALICE RHYMES WITH DUCK!**

_NO, IT DOESN'T._

Woah Oo Is he hyper?

_I think so, I'm all like, what the heck. IT IS HARD TO BE ON A SUGAR RUSH WHEN HE'S ALL...GIDDY._

**Teehee GIDDY RHYMES WITH-**

_Duck?_

**No, giddy and duck don't rhyme, SILLY BILLY! I was GOING to say orange.**

_But nothing rhymes with orange, you told Jasper that last year, remem- Oh._

**Oh? OH, AAH AH, OOOH, RAH RAH AH AH AH, ROMMA, ROH MA MAA, GA GA OOH LA LAAA**

Oh god, now I'm REALLY scared

_JASPER. IT MUST BE JASPER._

Well, duh, I realized that!

_Go beat him up!_

**Are we beating up cheese? I REALLY like cheese.**

_You can't eat, so shush._

**But, cheese is my boyfriend!**

_OH GREAT, SO NOT ONLY IS HE CHEATING ON ME WITH FOOD, BUT HE'S GAY AS WELL._

**Shush sounds like sushi!**

You're gay.

**A gay sushi?**

...sure?

_WHERE IS JASPER?_

In the corner with his little Sally thing.

**-Bella leaves Alice to babysit Edward, and goes to find Jasper-**

_**Bwahahaa, and next, Sally, I'll make him fall in love with Newton! Aren't I clever? –puts hand in blanket and moves it like a mouth, and speaks in a high pitched voice- Of COURSE you're clever, Jasper, you're the most clever person of ever! –goes back to his normal tone- I know I am, but thank you for bringing it up!**_

_...ahem._

_**OH, BELLA. –throws Sally behind him- Erm...what's...up?**_

_You made Edward hyper, you fool!_

_**Maybe a little. **_

_A little? He wants to marry cheese._

**-Edward shouts from across the room, "CHEESE, WILL YOU MARRY ME?"- **

_See?_

_**Well, it's amusing and he's always so emo!**_

_You're the emo! Remember? Sexy elmo emo?_

_**Yeah, but...IT'S FUN, LOOK AT HIM! **_

**-Edward is prancing around the room-**

_Kay, so it's pretty funny, but FIX IT_

_**Gah fine you're such a party pooper**_

**-Edward abruptly stops skipping and turns to glare violently at Jasper-**

_You're in TROUUUBBLEEE!_

**WHAT. THE. HELL. JASPER!**

_**It was Alice's idea!**_

Sell me out much!

_EDWARD. YOU WERE GOING TO MARRY THE CHEESE. EXPLAIN THIS._

**Jasper did it!**

_**ALICE DID IT!**_

ARO DID IT!

**-all eyes turn to Alice-**

_Aro?_

Um...I couldn't think of anyone else, okay?

**Wow, Alice. Just wow.**

_YOU KNOW WHAT? If Edward gets to marry cheese, then I get to marry-_

**Let me guess; a bagel?**

_Pssh I was gonna say Sally. _

_**MINE!**_

_But yeah, bagel works too!_

**A/N: Ahhaaa, wow. I was listening to Bad Romance by Lady Gaga while I was writing this soo...yyeaaahh xD That was made of fail, but it's good enough xD Pfft, I'll try to update soon guys!**

**ANND, Um, Sally is that superman blanket from the Dairy Coppers chappie xD I fergot about her so HERE SHE IS :D TA DA! Kay, bye, review!**

**WAITT, Guess what!!! I'm editing my novel, and then IT'S GOING ON AMAZON TO SELL IT! :O Self publishing and the like. xD Yeah, I'm thinking of posting up a bit of the prologue to show ya'll about it, but idunno, is that something you guys might be interested in at all?**

**Ahaa, anyways, review and more chappies are on their way! :D**


	120. I want a baby

**Bella, could you lend me a peice of paper? Alice swiped mine.**

_Ya._

**Are you okay?**

_Not a good time._

**Why?**

_It's just not._

**Why not?**

_BECAUSE!_

**Because why?**

_-death glare-_

**What?**

_I glared daggers at you. _

**Either you tell me what's wrong or I don't come over tonight.**

_Fine. You get one word._

**Fine.**

_Sex._

**What?!?!?!?!!?**

_I told you. One word. _

**But that one word didn't explain much.**

_Fine. Two more._

**Go ahead.**

_Jessica. Mike._

**Err? You want sex with Jessica and Mike?**

_NOOOOOOOOOOO!_

**Then what?**

_THEY HAD SEX DOOFUS. God you're daft today._

**Oh. And this upsets you because????**

_THEY ARE FARTHER THAN US!_

**Yes, but Mike isn't a vampire. **

_Jessica's pregnent. _

**Oh god.**

_I wanna be pregnant._

**Then go have fun with Jacob Black.**

_Ok._

**You wouldn't!**

_You're right I wouldn't._

**Later, okay?**

_Ok. _

**-One minute later-**

_It's LATER! LETS HAVE US SOME SEX!_

**Bella?**

_Yes? _

**We're in school.**

_I know...._

**Err...I'm scared.**

_Fine. But I want a baby. One that likes BAGELS! _

**A/N: Most of this was an msn convo I had. The One word 2 word and the not now parts. I just substituted our dilema for something that would bug Bella.**

**(02/04/10)**

**A/N: Kayy this is an old ng that I found from a while ago O_O I don't THINK I posted it under another name but if I did just tell me and I'll find something else xD**

**KAYKAYKAY absence is explained....high school. **

**There you go xD Plus...lazy. And stuff like that. I'll try not to fall off the face of the next time:3**


	121. That's all, folks!

**Oh, wow. I don't even think I know what to say here...well, several things. First, I'm sorry. It's been two, three years...and wow. Things have changed. I stopped updating because I fell out of love with Twilight. I haven't done anything Twi-related in years. My group of friends has changed dramatically, as has my sense of humour. I haven't spoken to Bre in three years, Chicken Wing in two. Reading back on some of these stories...I cringe at how stupid I was. However, beyond all of that, I am happy that I brought smiles and joy to some readers for a long time. That, I'm not ashamed of. I dislike many of my author's notes. It's clear I was quite immature. My spelling and proofreading abilities certainly weren't stellar. Nevertheless, that's not really what's important, is it? **

** So I guess I can say thank you for giving me this experience. This story, this website...it's what pushed me to begin writing. Today, I'm a published author, have won several awards for playwrighting/English, and am devoted to writing my own fiction. Writing is what I'm known for. English is my life. I can't go a day without writing. It's everything to me. Fanfiction has a special place in my heart because of that.**

** And to my critics, I'd like to say that yes, this story was mindless. But that's what childhood is, isn't it? It was mindless, terrible, and silly. And that silliness, that "hyper" immaturity, makes the world a little brighter, in my opinion. When the world is full of illness, death, wars and blood...I don't think that the worst thing in the world is to laugh just for the sake of laughing. Not because something is witty or what have you, but just because it's meant to be silly. Of course, that's where opinions differ, obviously. I just encourage you to remember that this was literally the first piece of writing I attempted. Big Brother Cullen Style was the first attempt at a story. I was what, twelve? Maybe thirteen for the more recent ones? We all have embarrassing chapters of our history. This happens to be mine. We all begin as amateurs. I still am one, by all accounts. We can't all hit the ground running. **

** That being said, I thank you so much, all of you. The reviewers who have read through from 1 to 120. And now, this Author's Note goodbye, three years later. Honestly, without that support I wouldn't be where I am today. You guys shaped me as a person, in good ways and in bad. The criticism taught me to question myself. And upon rereading all of this, I see that I was a total and complete bitch about it. I probably still am, and I'll look back on this three years from now and hang my head in shame. But the praise I received, the support, the love and appreciation...that means everything to me. No matter how many people tell me how stupid I was, no matter the mistakes and the idiocy...I like to believe I made people happy. And I think that's worth a lot more than writing something philosophical about which you can all nod and pretend to care about. Yeah, it was silly. Embarrassing, even. But, I digress. **

** All I'd like to say is thank you. You don't even know how much this has changed me. My life in grade nine, right at the end of these notes, was hell. I guess I changed because of it, a lot. Writing became my crutch. It held me up when I was weak. It saved me countless times. Instead of bottling up everything that was happening, I wrote it out. And that's what saved me. I know that's corny, and you can feel free to just blow it off. But I couldn't reread those notes and not finish it off, you know? I couldn't leave it at that. I have to say goodbye once and for all. **

** So thank you everyone. Everyone I yelled at, I'm so sorry, I was a twelve year old with an attitude. Every critic, you're totally right. I completely agree with you. This was terrible. But you know what? I don't care. Everyone who reviewed, thank you SO much...beyond any words. Any silent readers I had, thank you to you too! Thank you everyone. I can't really think of a way to end this properly, the final goodbye to such an important section of my life...so I guess that all I can say is...**

**Bagels ! Ahaha, I love you guys. Goodbye!**


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